greggoconnell.com blog

greggoconnell.com 2.0

2007-01-30T00:03:00.000-08:00

greggoconnell.com version 1.0 has been going strong since December 2004, but it's time for a change. I'm hoping in early early February 2012 ha ha j/k it'll be 2007 I'll be changing my whole site, thus creating greggoconnell.com 2.0.

It will no longer be using blogger. The updated site will have a whole heap of new features that I can't talk about right now because my lawyer said I should keep quiet, so that if something doesn't make it on launch date, I don't get sued by you peeps!

So bear with me cause my blogs might slow down for a bit as I get the new site up and running!
For now enjoy this video of "Herbie vs. The Banana"

My Very First Psycho Fan (Video + Voicemails)

2007-01-29T00:08:00.000-08:00

People sometimes go through life without the pleasure of having a stalker or if you're like me, a famous blogger than you have "Psycho Fans". This guy is no ordinary "Psycho Fan" he's become an obsessed "Psycho Fan". Calling my hot line 619-377-0593 at 4:00 am PST on Sundays, and expressing his undying love for the band Journey & me.

I'm sharing and promoting my first crazed fan because I feel proud. The kind of proud you feel the first time you see your puppy walk with a leash for the first time! Come feel the pride by watching the video and listening to this crazy fucker!

The Worst Short Story Ever Written by Gregg O'Connell

2007-01-26T00:02:00.000-08:00

Cascading down the mountain side, I stopped to smell the flowers. She briefly for that moment sat in a somber state believing every word I said, "When the time is right we'll do it" I said with much vigor. She laughed it off like it was one of those times by the river when we'd touch each other's private parts until Mona started crying out in pain. I knelt down beside her like a man does when proposing to a woman "Do you really want to take this feeling of lust over love?" I asked with concern. She responded very quickly and dramatically "YES! YES!" She always had a way of easing my concerns with her gentle touch along my thigh.

I stood confused because what was once just a friendship blossomed into moments of fleeting lust for one another. "Is this the feeling all the other boys were talking about when Father Ryan would treat them to a game of doctor and patient" I asked myself. Trembling like a puppy straight out of the bath as I inched closer to her. She lay their confident and as still as a brick. Her soft skin and shiny hair baked in the sun and was warm to the touch. Inside my stomach churned like it does when eating too many of mothers cookies in one sitting.

I began sliding both my hands up her legs until I reached her upper thighs when all the sudden all I saw was black. "Did God strike me down for trying to do what only the married folks are supposed to do" I woke up 2 hours later with a bruise on my forehead the size of Colorado's country side & sweet Mona hands caressing my shoulders. "Are you alright darling" Mona said...."Why Yes..but...but I don't know what happened..." Mona went onto explain that as I got to her thighs my eyes rolled into the back of my head "pluff" I was out like a light. I felt embarrassed and ashamed that I had gone against God's word.

We never went back to the stream alone, I felt like God had made the decision for me that I wasn't yet ready for "adult matters". I took his "advice" and on my free time dedicated my life to him by spending time with Father Ryan.

I hope you enjoyed story time with me, I know I did...

gso

Yoshi: Mini Schnauzer Puppy (Video)

2007-01-25T08:37:00.000-08:00

Yoshi if you don't know is my new Mini-Schnauzer puppy. He's now 9 weeks old and he is quite a handful. He pees and poops like he's training to be the pee and poop champion of the world. He's cuter than a 6 month year old baby and loves to eat!

As a special treat Yoshi lets you into his world. Come ground level as he explores the tasty part of my hand. The wind blowing through his hair as he runs in the living room and some of his most explicit photos ever allowed on the Internet.

3 Embarrassing Moments of My Life

2007-01-24T00:15:00.000-08:00

1. I was 14 years old at the time and it was the beginning of me having anxiety attacks. The feeling of the anxiety attack when it would occur was the feeling of being in a dream, kind of like a 3rd person experience so it would totally freak me out. Well, I had a basketball game one night and as the game started I began to have that same kind of feeling I had "the feeling of being in a dream" so I began to freak out and I ran off the court and yelled at my mom to tell her "LET'S GO, I NEED TO LEAVE". Remember this is in the middle of a game. My mom basically starts yelling at me "GREGG DON'T TALK TO ME LIKE THAT". I'm like whatever so I just run off the court and outside. My mom follows and we leave. I felt like such a douche bag, not only because I had an anxiety attack and those are demoralizing, but also because I left the game the way I did and my mom began yelling at me. I can laugh at it now but back then I felt like such a dweeb. I wish anxiety had a face because I'd piss all over it!

2. When I was 13 I twisted my testicle and I took 1 week off from school. By the time I had return to school word got out that I had twisted my left testicle. The kids at school started saying "What's up lefty" and "Hey how are you one ball". Fucking little Junior High Bastards I hope you all go screw yourselves! Ha ha again now I can laugh at it but back then twisting your testicle and having people find out before you want them to makes you feel like "less of a man". Imagine if I had a blog back when I was in Junior High? Shit I wouldn't have written about masturbating 3 times a day and how many points I scored in the basketball game.

3. When I was 19 years old I used to work at Putnam Investments. This was also during the time of my well kept grooming stage. I used to get my eyebrows waxed and stuff like that. No, the eyebrow waxing isn't the embarrassing part. The embarrassing part is I used Nair one night to get my uni brow off. You know how after you use Nair you're supposed to clean it off really really good? Well I thought I had, but the next morning when I woke up I had this big red patch across where a uni brow would go. The good news was I didn't have a uni brow made of hair but I did now have a uni brow made of a red burn mark. I looked so freaking ridiculous. I felt like such a stupid biotch. I wanted to call in the next day but I braved the humility and the red patch was gone 5 days later.

Come on guys you must have some embarrassing moments in your lives that you're dying to share with the class today!

gso

10 Reasons To NOT Believe in God

2007-01-23T00:33:00.000-08:00

This is really in no particular order. Enjoy it :)

1. When you die you won't be let down by not seeing God or getting into Heaven.

2. Your chances of being molested by a priest go down drastically.

3. You get to have intercourse with as many people as possible without the guilt trip of thinking the big guy upstairs wouldn't want you doing this!

4. You get 5 minutes freed up every night before you go to bed. Woohoo to 5 extra minutes of sleep!

5. Masturbate every single morning, noon & night. Right now "God" says masturbation is bad! bad! bad! so get your hands out of your pants!!!

6. You get to finally worship Satan and wear black every day!

7. No more stale pieces of bread and cranberry juice!

8. You can start dating your best friend Mike without feeling guilty, even if he has the same genitalia as you!

9. You can finally believe in evolution. Now you can freely and confidently say that we derived from apes at one time or another.

10. No more believing that Ole Mighty God is the one responsible for all the massive natural disasters and that the world is going to end soon because we are all fighting with one another. We know that WE are the ones that can and will end our world not some supernatural force!

Did I miss anything?

gso

Dirty Laundry Interviews Gregg O'Connell

2007-01-22T06:34:00.000-08:00

Source: Dirty Laundry

I found Gregg's site after reading that he was some sort of comment whore over at another site. I thought that the comment whore title was interesting and if someone was calling him that then he must be fun. I've been reading his blog ever since. We have absolutely nothing in common and I think of him as my over-sized, almost the same age as me, never met him in real life internet son...he's like a son to me...over the internet...and you will fall in love with him and want to adopt him too (that's how awesome he is). I sat down and asked Gregg some questions the other day...his answers will be in bold.

Hi Gregg...how are you today?
I'm pretty good. I woke up at 5:00am..and it's Saturday..hmmm

You have mentioned more than a million times that you don't drink (as in alcohol)...What kind of freak gets high on life and how do you do it?
I don't need alcohol because I can get away from my problems and have fun with listening to music, playing UNO on Xbox 360 & masturbating to the thoughts of naked blogger chicks!

Your dog Herbie is awesomely adorable...If it was socially acceptable, would you marry him?
Great question and hard hitting as well! I wouldn't marry Herbie because my love for him is more like the love that you may have for your own child. I love Herbie as if he were my son. He and I have this connection kind of like the connection Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey...real deep and meaningful conversations you know?!

If you were faced with eating dark meat chicken or losing Herbie to a pack of wolves which would you chose?
Fucking-A that's really easy-eating dark meat chicken. If I lost Herbie I'd go into a state of depression that only lots of anti depressants could help. I'd need something to numb my pain. Eating dark meat chicken to me is like kissing the ugly chick in class in front of everyone. I don't want to do it but if it comes down to Herbie, I'd do it!

Could you please reveal some of your beauty secretes?
I use Happy Colongne, Dove soap, Fantastic Sam's shampoo, Paul Mitchell Dry Wax for my hair, Crest Toothpaste, Listerine Mouthwash, Stride Gum & lots of baby oil

What's it like being a Filipino?
I wouldn't know because I'm Irish. I do find Filipino girls hotter than a Burger King grill though...

Name 5 people you wish you would love to have dinner with...
5 people OK here goes...My mom's dad who is my grandfather. He died in 1989 when I was only 9years old. I really wouls have liked to get to know him as I got olderbut I never got the chance. It'd be really cool to talk to him andget his ideas and thoughts on life and such. My mom: I've only seen her once in 2 years...Dad,Sister,Brother I haven't seen them in 2 years!!!And to add a sixth I'd want to have dinner with Traci Bingham becauseshe's the hottest black woman I've seen that looks like some other ethnicity.

You are in serious need of a tan...why are you scared of the sun?
It causes sun sores, skin cancer and it sunburns hurt...I'd rather get a tan from the glowing light of my computer monitor.

Are you sure you aren't gay?
I'm straight except for those 2 dudes I banged in '83.

What happens after the lights go out?
Well I place my hands underneath the covers and slowly strangle the neck of the unsuspecting victim sleeping next to me. Or I usually just masturbate and slowly go to sleep.

Seriously...what possessed you to do THIS?!?!
I wanted to get the attention of everyone on the internet. Gay guysseems to froth at the mouth over this kind of nakedness. It not onlygot me a few hits to my website but a whole slue of new gay fans!

You are extremely sexy...How do you keep the ladies off of you?
To keep the ladies off I usually tell them I have an STD that'sincurable and may cause itching.

Hungry?
Ahh the "hairy bagel". It goes well with lite Cream Cheese and somechives...yummy!

And last but not least...WHY?
It catches people off guard leaving them with the ever lasting memory of my sweetass conquering their computer screen!

Thanks Gregg...I can now live a more fulfilled life now that I know a little more about you.

You're welcome and I must give a shout-out to Herbie, Yoshi & all therest of my crew!

Joel Osteen is CREEPY!

2007-01-21T08:51:00.000-08:00

Do you know this guy Joel Osteen? He's this CREEPY Senior Pastor for the fastest growing church in America the Lakewood Church. I know of him because he's on USA right now doing an infomercial. He has this shit face smile on. It's one of those plastic smiles that phony bologna Human Resource people have when they're interviewing you. You know when they act like they are interested in what you're saying but they don't give more than 2 or 3 shits about it.

People like Joel that scare people through religion are seriously fucked & greedy! The scare tactics they use with "you can't get to heaven without doing this, this & this" makes people think that this is true. The televangelists of the world pray on weak people who feel like they need someone to lead them to the "promise land". This in turn allows televangelists like Joel Osteen to make these weak people feel like they need to give away their hard earned cash to these cult like religions in order to spread the word of God.

I really wish they'd put warning signs on these televangelist infomericals like they do on cigarette cartons stating "By giving away your money and following this con artist it doesn't mean you will get into, close or near heaven once you are deceased." It really bugs me that people fall for this shit. People like this dude almost seem to always contradict their own words. They seem to always be getting arrested for sleeping with hookers, doing drugs or sucking some dudes cock in a parking lot in their truck.

Are you with me my brothers and sisters? Trust my words and I'll lead you to the promise land. PRAY WITH ME!!! "Gregg is our shepherd as he types through the valley of the shadow of death. He leads us into the divine land of life, love and the pursuit of happiness...Amen"

gso

Walmart vs. Target: Drunken Guy Thoughts (Drunk Hotline)

2007-01-20T10:24:00.000-08:00

I've seen a few drunk guys and girls in my life. My least favorite drunks are aggressive guys and girl that start to cry uncontrollably. This drunk guy who voices his opinion on why Walmart is going to kill Target is coherent, intelligent & wee bit over confident I dare say.

So the next time you're drunk call 619-377-0593 and leave me a message!

You're Really Gay?!?!?!

2007-01-19T00:06:00.000-08:00

Have you ever worked with someone for a while and then you come to find out that they're gay? This has happened to me on a few occasions and each time is more shocking than the next. It's hard getting used to thinking someone is gay when you first thought they were straight. A lot of the time the person that is gay will pretend to be straight in front of others.

I used to work with this dude in Massachusetts and he was actually my boss. Anyways, I totally completely thought this dude was banging chicks or at least dreaming of banging chicks. The longer I worked at this company the more "in" I got with him and some of his gay friends. Well one day on the train ride home we were all talking about God knows what, probably about processing mutual funds or banging chicks when he's like "I'm gay!". I was shocked! As shocked as when that chick who was pretending to be a guy showed her boobs to that guy in that 1980's movie which I can't remember the name of!

You know when a dude is gay and he has that kind of lisp when he speaks. Well this dude never had the gay lisp until after he told me he liked playing tonsil hockey with dudes. Then all of the sudden this guy was lisping left and right with phrases like "Thasssss great Gregg" and "That dudesssss asssss isssssss ssssssoooo niccccccce". It's almost as if just because he told me he was gay that he now had this license to use his lisp when he previously did not have one.

gso

How Well Do You Know Me?

2007-01-18T00:02:00.000-08:00

With the fall of the Roman Empire came the internet. Now not only do people that live thousands of miles away get to know me on a virtually personal level. They also get to meet other like minded individuals. From coast to coast, from the Carolinas to the Red Wood Forest, to the Gulf Stream Waters, To the New York Islands...This internet was made for you and me!

Now try and see how well you know me! The person with the highest score gets one of my guitar picks signed by me!

How Well Do you know greggoconnell.com

Take my quiz!

Take This Quiz | See Scores | Make Own Quiz

When Did A Large Pizza Get So Small?!?!

2007-01-17T00:47:00.000-08:00

Have you noticed in the last 10-15 years that pizzas have gotten smaller? I remember when what is a large today was a medium 15 years ago and what is an extra large today is actually a large 15 years ago! The big pizza chains like Pizza Hut & Papa John's are the ones to blame for this tyrannic change in sizes! All they want to do is make money without caring much for quality.

The reason for this is because they increased the price of a pizzas! I remember when I could get 2 large cheese pizzas for $9.99. Today two large pizzas are like $16.99 or more, but remember today's larges are actually mediums from 20 years ago. Did these big corporate pizza giants sit in a board room one day and say "I have an excellent idea! Let's have XL pizzas and charge an XL price but they'll really only be large pizzas!" These motherfuckers have been stealing my money for too long and it's time for someone to stand up to these mofo's! I'm just the one to do it too! I hope I am anyway :(

Remember when toppings used to be 50 or 75 cents a topping? Today they're $1.50 to $2.00 a topping! It's not like the toppings got 2x better tasting just because they are now 2X more expensive! Now I don't need one of you ass wipes to comment and say "Dude it's inflation! " Fuck inflation and fuck the pizza shops that have doubled their prices! If you're going to charge 2x the price as you did 10 years ago than throw 2x more toppings as you did 10 years ago!

Stop the insanity!

gso

And My New Puppy's Name is....

2007-01-16T06:35:00.000-08:00

Dah Dah Dah....Yoshi. I called him James, Lawrence, Benny, Barney, but I have settled on Yoshi. Yes, Yoshi the same name as the little dinosaur guy from the Nintendo games. Why Yoshi you ask? Probably because it's a bit on the different side for dog names.

It's seem like on an hourly basis that Yoshi isn't only shitting and pissing, but he's also showing more of his personality and getting more comfortable. Like this morning he was jumping at Herbie trying to get him to play. Herbie being the gentle sole he is got right into playing stance but never went back at Yoshi. Yoshi also is starting to play with the cats as well, like today he put both paws on the black cats side until she ran away. Yoshi is quickly becoming a crazy little man like Mr. Bill Kutters.

On a side note I have setup my side project blog, which is SDFoodGuys.com. It's a blog that reviews restaurants in the San Diego area and beyond. I have me and about 4 other people who will be writing reviews on different restaurants in the area. I got the idea for this site after writing a blog on my website for "5 Great Places To Eat in San Diego". I know everytime I search Google it seems that there are never any reviews or good reviews for most restaurants that I want to try. Plus this site will be in blog format so people that visit the site can comment. If you live in the San Diego area and want to write some reviews shoot me an email to SDFoodGuys@gmail.com.

holla holla holla,

gso

Help Name My NEW Mini-Schnauzer Puppy!

2007-01-15T00:30:00.000-08:00

I broke down finally and got a NEW Mini-Schnauzer Puppy. The puppy is a boy. I know I said I wanted to get a girl, but this guy was just too cute. He comes when you call him, he plays for like 10 minutes then needs a 20 minute nap, he adores food & loves his picture taken.

I found out about him from the Fox6.com website. I called the ad and asked if it was OK to visit the puppy, the guy said yes so Emily and I headed down. Their were two puppies left both boys. One puppy was very shy, unresponsive & not lively. Then there was the puppy I chose who was running all over the house, but when called would come to you. I was hooked, but Emily convinced me to sleep on it and decide tomorrow. Tomorrow is today and I made my final decision to pick up my new little man. We went down to pick him up right as the New England Patriots beat the San Diego Chargers (woohoo).

Since being at my house it took him all of 30 minutes to fully get comfortable and start running around the house. Herbie has been awesome, so good in fact that he hasn't growled or done anything aggressive to the puppy at all. The puppy almost went poops on the bed, but Emily saw him as he got into the pooping position and we rushed him outside where he defocated with perfection.

Finally what this blog is all about, what do I name my new little man? I've called him "Benny" & "Barney", but nothing is set in stone. In fact my mom emailed two emails with 10 names in each email. Give me your suggestions and let me know what you like!!!

1. BROCKTON [BROCK]

2. DIEGO

3. FRISCO

4. AMOS

5. WILLIE

6. CHARLIE

7. EBONEY

8. HOMER

9. OWEN

10. QUINN

and

1. HENRY

2. HARRY

3. TRUMP

4. GEORGIE

5. STEVIE

6. SCOOTCHIE

7. JAMES

8. WALLY

9. ZACK

10. SONNY

thx
gso

My Favorite Photos on Flickr

2007-01-14T09:18:00.000-08:00

Don't mind the woman breast feeding. I just thought it was weird because the kid is like 5 years old! So go on and treat yourself to my most favorite photos on Flickr!

Mini-Schnauzer Puppy

2007-01-11T20:10:00.000-08:00

Lately I've been looking to add another Mini-Schnauzer puppy to my life. I've got Herbie and Herbie is fantastic, but I'd like to add a female Mini-Schnauzer. I don't want to get a male Schnauzer only because Herbie seems to compete with male dogs. I heard that female and male dogs don't compete nearly as much.

I began my search by emailing the MSCSC.org. They gave me a list of AKC registered breeders and contact info for them. I called like 5 of the breeders and they all have a kind of arrogance to them. You know that kind of "I breed the best dogs around and their shit doesn't stink". I was talking to one breeder and I was telling her I have a white Schnauzer and she replied with "Shame on you!". I guess the story goes that the high-end breeders usually kill the white Schnauzers because the AKC doesn't consider the white Schnauzers actually Schnauzers. It's psychotic isn't it? It's like saying "oh she doesn't speak Chinese, so let's not call her Chinese". So not only are these high-end breeders arrogant & mean, but they also charge a lot! They charge anywhere between $1,000 - $1,500 for puppies. These breeders are so F'd!

I've decided on trying to find a Mini-Schnauzer female puppy from craigslist, puppyfind.com, or fox6.com classifieds. They cost a hell of a lot less and let's be honest they are the same dog as the $1,500 dog. Am I right or am I right or Am I right?

Long Live Herbie!

gso

My New Job of Starring in TV Ads (Videos)

2007-01-10T18:04:00.000-08:00

I know I love seeing videos of myself, especially when they are good quality clips like me starring in my own HP, McDonald's or Levi's commercials!

Let me know what you think and if you star in any videos please post it in the comments section!

HP Commercial (kinda funny)
McDonald's Commercial (kinda funny) (Emily has a starring role in this video as well)
Levi's Commercial (VERY Funny)

Oh ya I almost forgot. Punky gave me a brilliant idea. She said why don't you turn your comment line (619) 377-0593 (that no one calls) into a "secrets line". Here's the idea, you call and anonymously or in character leave a secret on the secrets line and that # is 619-377-0593.
At the end of each week I'll post an audio file of the secrets left. We can then all laugh, cry, be mad or joyful at the secrets you divulged. The biggest secret you could have would be if you knew where OBL (Osama Bin Laden) is, then you get a $50 Million prize!

ok so call me now 619-377-0593!

gso

10 Reasons I Have A Blog

2007-01-09T20:01:00.000-08:00

1. I like to make fun of myself. There's nothing more gratifying to me, than taking "sexy photos" of myself just to get you kids get a little chuckle or a "that's nasty".

2. It's an artistic outlet for me. I get to be anything I want on this blog. I can be serious, dumb, musical, videoical, photocal (I made the last 2 words up I Think) & sexy. No one can stop me from being anything, except my own conscience. I am beautiful in every single way, no words can't bring me down! oh no no no no!

3. If I get pissed off at someone or something I can write about it. I like nothing more than having "Blog Wars" with other bloggers. It's good for the soul! Plus it makes you look really tough fighting with girls.

4. I get to virtually meet a lot of cool people from all over the internet. If I didn't have a blog I would've never gotten to know DirtyLaundry, RockStarMommy, Punky, PinkbeltRAGE, Dan, Julianne B, Q of D & More! I'm trying to arrange a meeting with RSM, that would be the highlight of my blogging career!

5. I love getting comments! When I get one it makes me feel like a 14 year old girl getting Myspace messages from a 34 year old guy in another state. It makes me feel special! The big pay off is when it's someone that found my site randomly or heard from a friend about it. That's like actually getting to sleep with the 34 year old guy from another state. Not getting comments is like the 34 year old guy getting charged with statutory rape after he slept with me :(

6. Getting paid by having Google Adsense on my blog. OK, so I have had the ads up for a year and I've only accumulated $27, but with every click it brings me closer to their $100 pay out!

7. Getting voicemails left on my comment line (619) 377-0593. It's not a big deal if I haven't had a new voicemail in two months. I still love checking it everyday in hopes that some kid with nothing better to do will leave me a message so I can post it on my website! God bless you Alexander Graham Bell!

8. I love tracking my blogs traffic. I get to see how many hits I got for the day, where my visitors live, how they found my site & more. You may think you're only watching me but little do you know I'm really watching you too! mu ha ha ha ha! cough cough...

9. It's a challenge for me to write in my blog 5 times a week. I don't really challenge myself anywhere in my life except for my blog. It's actually pretty difficult coming up with things to write about day in and day out. I know sometimes I write about stupid shit and my vocabulary & grammar are like a kid from Somalia trying to learn English, but I have a good time writing!

10. And the last reason I have a blog is I'm trying to be famous. Being a rockstar hasn't paned out yet so I'm hoping be a famous blogger. I figure right now I'm only a C-list Bloglebrity
but I'm going to keep on writing, recording videos & taking raunchy photos all in a bid to take over the blogging world and become an A-list Bloglebrity!

Thanks for you time,
gso.

Reason's Why My Apartment Sucks!

2007-01-07T21:20:00.001-08:00

The bathroom has no electrical plugs.

The drains are constantly clogged.

We have to water these hideous looking plants in the front part of our yard. If they die our landlord calls us and yells at us. They've died 3x!

90% of our electrical sockets are two prongs. Almost everything that isn't a lamp is 3 prongs! We need to buy 3 prong adapters in order to use them!

The rugs are dirtier than a priest!

All the windows are sliding windows making for it to be impossible to put a regular air conditioner in the windows!

The walls are thinly insulated. It's shivering cold in the winter and sweaty hot in the summer.

We have no closets for things like vacuums, brooms, towels, etc.

The ceiling in the living room leaks if it rains too hard.

The kitchen is tiny like a closet that we don't have for vacuums, brooms, towels, etc...

Our neighbors on one side party like college kids. On the other side the father and son smoke weed and scream at each other at the top of their lungs "DID YOU TAKE ALL MY WEED?!?!?!"

What sucks about the place you live in?

gso

Sunday Nights Alone Are Dangerous!

2007-01-07T21:10:00.000-08:00

This Sunday night was a tad different than most of my Sunday Nights. First off, Emily had a dinner date with some of her friends downtown. Usually on Sundays Emily & I sit around the fireplace roasting marshmallows & telling each other secrets. Emily was out of the house at 5:30 pm and that's when the fun began!

After playing video games for an hour I decided to be productive and finally clean the bathroom! First though I needed to feed Herbie. So I grabbed Herbie's bowls and saw that they were dirtier than some of the language I use on my blog and decided to clean them. I finished cleaning his bowls and proceeded to turn off the water when I hear "SNAP" not "Oh Snap!" like the brotha's like to use but more in the sense of "uh oh something just broke". I mess with the faucet and the damn thing won't turn off and it's shooting water in the air and running very fast into the sick. I'm really lucky the drain wasn't clogged or otherwise I would've been bucketing water from the sink to outside. My apartment is so old and crappy that there were no turn off switches underneath the sink in the kitchen. So like the woman I am I call my girlfriend "ring, ring, ring" ok now answer. "Hey Em, the faucet is broken and won't turn off. I'm just wondering if you know how to fix it?" I must be the biggest waste of a man since Clay Aiken. I decide to call the landlord's emergency contact phone number. I get a hold of them and tell them the situation. She says she will send a handyman out my way. The handyman gets here at 7:30 pm to save my life from certain drowning and gives us a new faucet.

I think the moral of the story for me is to NOT use the faucet when I'm home alone, nor try being productive because it will just get me into trouble. Either that or maybe I should go take one of those handyman courses at like a community college. If it weren't for my witty banter and adult developed motor skills people might just think I'm slow!?!?

gso

5 Great Places To Eat in San Diego Recommended by greggoconnell.com

2007-01-05T04:56:00.000-08:00

I know most of you don't live in San Diego, but you never know when you may have to move to San Diego to evade a warrant or a stalking spouse or maybe you will just vacation here. Here are a list of 5 spots that are really really good that a lot of people may not know about and that I recommend!

Poma's Italian Deli
1846 Bacon St
San Diego, CA
(619) 223-3027
This place is capital A-W-E-S-O-M-E! OK so it doesn't really have the best decor or alcoholic beverages that you can actually drink in the restaurant, but the food tastes like your grandmother from Italy slaved over it all day in the kitchen. The lasagna, the sauce, the meatballs, the garlic bread & the subs are really good! You're Italian grandmother definitely doesn't work here either but her grandsons do! It's all guys but they are super nice and very friendly! As a bonus they do have a TV that seems to always be showing talk shows like Oprah!

Gaglione Bros.
3944 W Point Loma Blvd
San Diego, CA 92110
(619) 758-0646
Wowawee! This sub shop is hands down the best steak and cheese sub place (aka Cheese Steak) I have ever had! It's the kind of steak that you barely have to chew. It goes down like water but tastes like steak and cheese. The bread is always soft and bakery fresh! Their fries are no slouch either, crispy, salty and yummy!

Bar-B-Que House
5025 Newport Ave.
San Diego, CA 92107
(619) 222-4311
Awesome BBQ sandwiches that are mega cheap! Sweet, medium or spicy BBQ sauce to go on top of your pork, beef or my favorite white meat chicken sandwich. They smoke the meat, then carve your sandwich meat from big hunks of pork, beef or chicken, then they smother it in BBQ sauce. Add the crispy, salty fresh fries and you've got yourself a meal any athlete would love to share with his teammates!

Old Venice Italian Restaurant
2910 Canon St
San Diego, CA 92106
(619) 222-5888
Elegant yet lively in a heavenly atmosphere. This by far is the nicest place to eat on the list and one of the nicest places to eat in San Diego period. It's an up class restaurant without the hoity toity people that generally inhabit these kinds of places. You have people that will dress up but then you'll also have a cute little blogger boy eating dinner with his girlfriend wearing sweatpants & a burrito stained sweatshirt. The food here is amazing, and fresh warm garlic bread is given all meal long for FREE. The ravioli's, lasagne, meatballs & spaghetti are my favorites. They also have this bar that's attached to the restaurant that is really cool. They play thumping ambient electronic music in a setting that rivals heaven itself. White table cloths, bottles and bottles of wine & waiters that look like they just got off the boat from Italy or Brazil.

Bronx Pizza
111 Washington St
San Diego, CA 92103
(619) 291-3341
I'm from Massachusetts as most of you know and there are a lot of places there that have great pizza. When I got to San Diego I asked people who had good pizza and they'd say Papa John's. Freaking crazy right? Well I put a post in my blog in 2005 complaining that San Diego had the worst pizza, well someone responded and said to try a place on Washington Street called Bronx Pizza. So one day I go to Bronx Pizza and order up a pie. WOW! Amazing, New York Style pizza. It's really one of the best pizza places I have ever been to. The service kind of sucks only because the dudes that work there especially the big fat guy that does the register is an asshole. They act like they are in New York still so they give you that New York cliche attitude. I forgive them though because the pizza is top notch and makes my little heart stop a little with every bite! My favorite pie toppings are "Meatball & Pepperoni" "Plain Cheese" &amp; "Pepperoni & Ricotta".

Get out there and explore the many fine hidden restaurants that your city has. I tend to find that the smaller mom and pop restaurants are better tasting and more enjoyable than the big chain places. Down with corporate restaurants!!!

Bon Appétit!
gso

Video Games Ate My Brain

2007-01-04T06:09:00.000-08:00

This probably hasn't happened to you because, most likely you're a mom, business professional or single girl who likes to drink alone but, when I play video games for a prolonged time my brain turns into a zombie. If I'm playing a game like Resident Evil where I get chased or a game with driving in it like Grand Theft Auto then when I get into the real world I actually expect to be shot at or rammed into by someone else's car. I'll be walking Herbie outside after a long intense battle with some zombie creature and I'll be looking around feeling like I need to duck in order to not get hit, it's kind of creepy. I'd definitely be that guy on the news that played video games for 24 hours straight then goes and jumps off a cliff to his death. When I'm playing scary games I need to constantly need to look over my shoulder to make sure Emily doesn't come up behind me and scare me ha ha.

Yesterday I got home from work, took Herbie for a walk & then for like 2 hours straight played WWE: Raw vs. Smackdown. That's actually not that bad, what makes it bad is after I ate dinner I got back on the Xbox 360 and played for another 2-3 hours. Talk about a "Videot"(video game idiot)!!! The zombie state felt after playing wrestling for over 4 hours was, I felt disconnected from the rest of the household. I wanted to share some "cuddle time" with Emily but I couldn't. My body wanted some female affection but my brain wanted to be a vegetable. I was so out of it that I couldn't even muster up enough brain activity to write a blog! Now I know how it feels to be one of those teenie pop stars that has has everything done for them from songs getting written for them to having their clothes picked out so they don't need to think!

gso

Thomas Kinkade : Sellout Asshole or Greatest Modern Day Artist?

2007-01-02T20:15:00.000-08:00

I've just been starting to notice Thomas Kinkade's fine artwork. He's definitely not one of those artists that will gain you any "cool" points, in fact his art is widely sold in bookstores & drugstores in the form of calendars & greeting cards. You don't need to figure out his work at all, it's like candy, but for your eyes.

If you haven't seen his artwork (click here) then you are missing out. His artwork for me, gives a feeling of peace & relaxation. His artwork to you most likely gives you the feeling of being at your grandmothers house while she tells you a story that bores you to death, while you look at her knick knacks. Yes, Thomas Kinkade's artwork looks like your grandmothers knick knacks.

Emily recently purchased me a 2007 Thomas Kinkade calendar. I was as happy as a flower, blooming on the first day of spring. I hung it up at my desk at work. It's a little ridiculous but I now have 2 calendars on my desk. One is a calendar of my dog Herbie & the other is the Thomas Kinkade one

I didn't really know anything about Thomas Kinkade's background until I did a little research on Wikipedia. I guess Thomas Kinkade is kind of a dickhead. He taunts other artists at shows by shouting at them, he is rumored to have a proclivity for ritual territory marking through urination, alleged to have openly grab a woman's breast at a South Bend, Indiana sales event & Kinkade was so drunk at a Sigfried & Roy show that he began shouting "Codpiece, Codpiece" until his mother calmed him down. I must confess I didn't know what a "Codpiece" was so I looked it up and found out it's a pouch that covers a man's genitals. I guess they were quit popular in the 16th century. Maybe I'll bring Codpiece's back to fashion! Men today definitely need genital protection from all those women that try and kick us in the nuts!

Kinkade is the only artist to have sold over 1 million pieces of art. He has made $53 million from 1997 to 2005. When Kinkade was on QVC he sold over $2 million worth of merchandise in one hour! Obviously he is talented and hits a special nerve with housewives, old ladies & even some 26 year old studs with his paintings.

Thomas Kinkade may be a complete asshole but what great artist isn't? I really think in order to make a mark on this world artistically you need to be a selfish, sometimes heartless, self- indulgent asshole. You can't worry about anyone's feelings or needs until your own are satisfied. Thomas Kinkade, I forgive you for your selfish, heartless, self-indulgent asshole behavior!

gso

"Speed Enforced By Aircraft"

2007-01-01T20:18:00.000-08:00

Have you seen these ridiculous signs? They have them out here in California like they have meat heads at nightclubs! They are everywhere from busy highways to streets that barely have one car an hour.

It doesn't seem very financially smart for the traffic authorities to be enforcing speeders on the road by aircraft while they spend thousands of dollars of fuel, flying over ahead of peoples cars. What are they like "Oh my that car is going 52 in a 35 mph zone....sweet, that's another $125 ticket! Now let's turn back around and spend another $400 in gas so we can catch another speeder". Come on these signs are an F'n joke!

Every time I see these preposterous signs, I have never ever seen an airplane flying overhead. So I'm starting to think that these signs are only merely there to scare those white dudes that drive Ford Mustangs & the Asian/Latin brothers that drive supped up Honda's & Acura's something to be worried about.

Have you ever seen a plane flying overhead doing traffic patrol? Do you know anyone that has gotten a ticket from an airplane?

gso

Happy 2007! The year of the naked gamer.

2007-01-01T00:00:00.000-08:00

Hey Guys & Girls,

I thought I needed to start 2007 off with a "BIG BANG" and I think I just may have. I hope all of you mofo's have a safe and happy 2007! Now onto the real reason you are here, enjoy the nude photos of me!
gso

Happy Nude 2007	The King is back!!!
Holding my Wiimote for the world to see!	Welcoming in 2007 with the King!
Xbox 360 Orgasm	DS lite Orgasm
this is what video games do to me!	portable gaming has cum a long way!
Happy New Year RSM!	Burgers & Hot Dogs!
I hope you have a great 2007	for dinner!

Fucking New Years!

2006-12-29T20:09:00.000-08:00

Is anyone with me on what the big fucking deal is with New Years? It actually kind of annoys me. I don't drink, so that kind of kills the drunken stupidity acts and champagne at midnight. I won't be looking to cool sucking down a 32 oz bottle of Mango Passion Gatorade as the build up to the midnight hour arrives. I'd probably be better off holding an adult beverage and then pouring a little out every so often when no one is looking to give the illusion that I have been drinking the whole night!

Hanging out with massive amounts of drunk college frat meat heads & adult drunken corporate fucks is not my idea of a good time. I hate being squished like a Subway sandwich when you start asking for too many vegetables in your sandwich. I'd rather be on my couch/laptop sucking down a freezing cold bottle of spring water, watching MTV and thinking to myself "God, I can't stand that band! They try so hard to be sooooooooooooo cool".

Forget about the retarded New Years hats, kazoos & horrendous slutty outfits that the girls wear. OK so the slutty outfits the girls wear are cool but the hats and kazoos are lamer than an RSM fan. New Years is just another day, so if New Years is so special why don't you blow your kazoo every day you get to work "HAPPY TUESDAY EVERYONE!!! WOOHOOOOOOOOOO" You wouldn't because you'd like George Bush trying to tell us that the war with Iraq is a good thing.

Happy New Year and a fruitful 2007 to you as well!

gso

C-List Bloglebrity

2006-12-28T19:15:00.000-08:00

One of my New Years resolutions for 2007 is to be a B-List bloglebrity. A bloglebrity is all about the amount of Vanity Fair, GQ, and People Magazine covers you can score. To be an A-List Bloglebrity on the Internet, it’s all about the amount of link love you can score. Right now I'm a C-List bloglebrity and to be fair and honest to myself the best I feel I could be in the span of one year would be a B-list bloglebrity.

I've been a blogger for a little over 2 years and my site has been growing quite steadily due to the fact that I look like Charlie Sheen, I'm funny like Roseanne Barr & I have the writing ability of a 3rd grader. When you add all three of those qualities up you've got a recipe for greatness!

Why do I want to be a more popular blogger you ask? Well that answer is simple! I want to loved and adored by people all across the world. I want to be the website you go to when you're about to commit suicide.. Then after reading something on my site you decide not to because you want to see what I'll write about next and you know you won't be able to if you kill yourself.

Yes we have global warming and Saddam Hussein about to be hung but what's more heartwarming then a 26 year old guy trying to make a living off of blogging about his life? Would you honestly rather read about the world blowing up or about how I twisted my testicle as a teenager? You'd rather read about me twisting my testicle!

Who really wants to work a real job? I don't want to be super rich or CEO of some lame ass company. I want the freedom to write about whatever I want and make a living off of it. If I don't move my personal bloglebrity meter up to B-List then I'm dooming myself a failure!

How do I make it B-list bloglebrity you ask? Well what I've been doing lately is finding other fellow bloggers websites and commenting on theirs, then asking them if they'd like to trade links. Almost everyone says yes. Take for instance today I told Dan that I posted a link to his website on mine and if he'd do the same. He responded with

"Thanks for linking to me Gregg but, unfortunately, I won't be able to
link to you because your musical tastes suck.

Just kidding (about the "not being able to link part"). I just did."

He came off as a complete and utter asshole at first but as you can see he redeemed himself with a "just kidding" to make things right. So you can see sometimes it takes thick skin or fore skin which you choose to be able to fend off harsh words from jealous bloggers.

I'll keep chugging along by whoring myself out like a crackhead trying to get her next fix. I'll do what it takes by linking sites on my website that bore me to pieces all in an effort to get to that next stop of bloglebrity status! Who the fuck's with me!?!?!

gso

My Top 10 Albums of 2006

2006-12-27T17:17:00.000-08:00

My list is in no particular order except for maybe backwards alphabetically, so here is my top albums for the year of 2006! Every year I do my top albums my former drummer and still friend Dave analyzes my list and sends me an email or comment "GREGG THAT ALBUM BLAH BLAH WAS RELEASED LAST YEAR!!! YOU CAN'T PUT THAT IN YOUR TOP ALBUMS OF THE YEAR!!!" Ha ha so Dave please look over my list and please inform me of what isn't correct and which album I have on here that sucks or that you like! Hell that goes for everyone of you peeps!

DAH DAH DAH DAH DAHHHHHHHHHHHH

MY TOP 10 ALBUMS OF 2006!

The Streets - The Hardest Way to Make a Living
Mat Kearney - Nothing Left to Lose
The Long Winters - Putting The Days To Bed
The Lemonheads - The Lemonheads
Josh Rouse - Subtitulo
Hotel Lights - Hotel Lights
Hot Chip - The Warning
Greg Laswell - Through Toledo
Ben Kweller - Ben Kweller
Angels & Airwaves - We Don't Need To Whisper

Honorable Mentions
The Whitest Boy Alive - Dreams
BT - This Binary Universe
Phoenix - It's Never Been Like That

What are your top albums of 2006?

gso

Los Altos = The Tall = Christmas in The Bay Area

2006-12-26T19:18:00.000-08:00

I'm back from my 4 Christmas vacation to the Bay Area & I'm exhausted. I'm also probably like 7 lbs heavier too because of all the food I stuffed into my mouth. It took 7 hours to drive one way. The drive was really boring on the way up because we took the 5 the whole way and our scenery for it was fog, bald hills & mass amounts of cows.

We arrived in Sunnyvale at 12pm on Saturday December 23. Sunnyvale is pretty cool, it's very suburbia but with a lot of places to go shopping and places to eat. At 3pm after hanging out at Emily's parents house, we checked into our luxurious hotel room at the Sheraton. Our hotel room was so pimped out it had a huge bed, shower, free shampoo and conditioner, unlimited white towels & a 27 inch TV! We took a nap and then headed over to Palo Alto where Emily's dad's side of the family was celebrating Christmas. I walked into this party and was greeted one by one to like 417 Filipino people. I've never shook so many Filipino people's hands. Everyone was super nice and cool. Emily's grandfather is 97 years old and his wife is 90 and they still drive their own car and live alone. Isn't that fucking amazing? When I turn 97 my remains will probably be in some "blogger museum" for people who made blogging popular. We did this "White Elephant" Christmas thing and I walked away with a $25 gift card to Starbucks. I love coffee and beans! NOT!

On Christmas Eve, Emily & I drove into San Francisco to checkout the city. Wowawee the city is super duper hyper supersonic hilly! We went up this one hill and we were like perpendicular to the ground. If I were on a skateboard or one of those razor scooters I probably would've died going down the hill. I was honestly scared. While in the city we checked out Fishermen's Wharf, Lombard Street (the crookedest street in the world) & drove around to where the gays (My people!) live in the Castro. San Francisco is way better than San Diego is in terms of things to do downtown and the architecture is way cooler too. San Diego is like a make pretend city. In the evening we headed over to Em's parents house to watch her sister open presents since her sister couldn't make it on Christmas day since she lives kind of far away.

Ding Dong, Ding Dong Christmas bells are ringing! On Christmas day after a long night of love making and cuddling we went to Emily's parents to open Christmas gifts...YEAAAAAHHHH!
I won't bore you with what they got since you don't know them so I'll tell you what they got me. They gave me some tins of that most delicious tasting popcorn. You know the caramel and cheddar popcorn?!?!? They also gave me a little carrying case filled with high grade cleaning products to clean my car. In the evening we went to the city, San Francisco to be exact to celebrate Christmas with Emily's mom's side. We walked into the house and Emily sent me into the living room alone and like a loud ruckus like the one from the movie Breakfast Club, I was greeted by like 10 family members. These people were loud but super friendly. Me being the egomaniac I am I loved every single second I had in the spotlight being introduced to everyone until Emily came in and took it all away from me, leaving me with a broken ego. This family is crazzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzy but again very cool and welcoming. They like their wine and they love to eat. We also had a "White Elephant" gift thing at this party as well. This one was by far more fun and the gifts were a little better. Ha ha the gift I bought for this thing was a fucking total joke gift. It was a Hello Kitty toaster that when toasting the bread would imprint Hello Kitty's face onto the bread. Emily's mom ended up getting this gift ha ha she was sooooo pissed (joking). I ended up with some Radio Shack headphones and other Radio Shack stuff. Emily has an uncle named Geoffrey Moore who is the author of these business books that most college business classes are required to use and I was sitting and talking to him at the party. It was pretty crazy. He was totally down to earth and chill. I've finally met my first celebrity in California!

We woke up today at 6:30 am and we were on the road by 7:30 am. We decided to take the 101 and boy did we ever score on scenery points! Beautiful lush rolling hills, beaches & naked women as far as a Lasik eye can see. I'll tell you something, America's cities and towns are filled with almost all the same stores and restaurants from coast to coast. Driving from San Francisco to San Diego I must've saw a Best Buy, Circuit City, McDonald's, Petco, PetSmart, Target (I still love you sweetie), Borders/Barnes & Noble at every shopping mall. It's kind of disgusting and boring. What ever happened to every town having its own personality? Now every town in America looks the same and has all the same things to do with a few exceptions.

Thank you to Emily's family for being so awesome and inviting. They totally rock the house & Philippines!

I really love it up in the Bay Area and I'm definitely considering moving up there in the near future. It's prettier than San Diego, the weather is cooler, the tree's are nicer & the people are not all Paris Hilton'd out!

As a little Christmas gift here is a video of me snoring in my sleep on Christmas day

gso

Have Yourself a Merry Greggmas!

2006-12-22T11:19:00.000-08:00

Hey Peeps,

I wish to the stars that all of you have a wonderful enchanting fun filled Christmas! I might not be blogging until after Christmas so if I don't, then just read my archives in order to get your "gregg fix". I hope you get all the sex toys, massage oils & drug paraphernalia you're little achie breaky heart desires!

Merry Christmas,

Gregory Shane O'Connell

Nude Anxiety Tale

2006-12-21T18:18:00.000-08:00

The story I am about to tell you was told to me today by a co-worker. It's a tale of anxiety and who doesn't love a good story about anxiety? We'll call my co-worker Jesper in order to protect her name and identity.

Well about 2 years ago Jesper awoke one night having trouble breathing and pain in her chest. She didn't think it was an anxiety attack since she never had one previously. She thought she was in the middle of a heart attack. She began to sweat profusely, and best of all she was naked. I guess she sleeps naked who knows, either way she was a sweaty naked mess in the midst of a so called heart attack. She was living with her sister Telly, so she ran into her sister's bedroom with her brother in law in the same bed to wake them up. "TELLY, WAKE UP! I'M HAVING A HEART ATTACK! MY CHEST HURTS, I CAN'T BREATHE AND I'M SWEATING PROFUSELY!!!" Telly awakes in A foggy haze "Jesper what are you doing? And WHY ARE YOU COMPLETELY NAKED?!?!?" Jesper in a huffing and puffing voice "I'M HAVING A HEART ATTACK CALL 9-1-1 NOW!!!" Telly calls 9-1-1 and eventually has to dress Jesper since Jesper can't seem to calm down and do it herself.

The EMT's arrive and when Jesper see's them she starts running around the house as the EMT's try to grab her and calm her down. Jesper starts to scream as she is running around the house "I'M HAVING A HEART ATTACK HELP ME!" The EMT's must've been dying to laugh because if you were having a heart attack there's no way you'd be running around the house especially for that long. The EMT's are like "Mam calm down...you're not having a heart attack.." They eventually get Jesper calmed down and get her into the ambulance.

She ends up finding out that it was just an anxiety attack. It's funny how when you're scared you don't really think logically. First off she dropped all of her inhibitions of being naked in front of her sister and brother and law. Second if she had thought calmly she would've realized she wasn't really having a heart attack because she'd most likely would've been passed out within a few minutes otherwise.

This Merry Christmas shout out goes to all the people (including myself) who have issues with anxiety!

Have you ever done something crazy or seen anything crazy during an axiety attack?

gso

Christmas With The Filipinos

2006-12-20T19:57:00.000-08:00

I will be celebrating this Christmas with Emily's family in the bay area. This will be my first Christmas spent with Filipinos & my first time ever in the Bay Area. The two previous Christmases spent in California were spent alone in my room with a bottle of Cherry Coke & a shotgun in my mouth. If you don't know me very well you're probably asking "Gregg, why don't you just fly home for the holidays and spend it with your family in New England?" Well, I'm scared to fly that's why and driving back east would take 5 days one way.

Emily & I leave for our 7+ hour 470 mile car trip on Saturday, before I know it I will be an honorary Filipino for Christmas. I haven't driven that far for 2 years and I haven't ever been that far north in California. Herbie my dog will be attending "Filipino Christmas" with Emily & I. It didn't feel right to leave him at a doggy daycare place. I'd probably be whimpering at night without him by my side. It's kind of like having a pizza party for a kid but using Mama Celeste pizzas, it just doesn't feel right.

It's funny because Emily had to tell her mom that I'm a picky eater. She's like "He doesn't like dark chicken meat, anything with bones or anything that is exotic. He likes simple food like steak, white meat chicken, hamburgers, etc..." Then her mom was like "Well what kind of wine
does he like?" Emily's like "Um he doesn't drink..." Emily's mom asks "HE DOESN'T DRINK AT ALL?!?!?" Emily's response "Not at all..." I hope I don't come off as too much of a prima donna!
I'll be on my best behavior to make up for my wimpy appetite.

We''ll only be up in the bay area from December 23 til December 26 so we won't have a lot of time to go sight seeing which kind of sucks. I'd really like to check out the scenery and see if it's a place I'd like to live in the future!

Where are you going for the holidays? Fuck it! Fuck this politically correct shit! Where are you going for Christmas? It's funny because everyone is so politically correct these days and no matter who you call they always only say "happy holidays". Well today I had to call a fund company and as I finished my conversation the woman was like "Merry Christmas". It kind of took me off guard. If her supervisor gets a hold of her "Merry Christmas" greeting she'll probably be spoken too which is fucking lame. It's not like Christmas is really much of a religious holiday anymore anyway. It's more of a time of giving and receiving gifts.

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

gso

Today Was A GREAT Day!

2006-12-19T18:48:00.000-08:00

Today was definitely my day! Good thing after good thing happened to me today. I definitely didn't have ole Gazoo sitting on my shoulder causing havoc that's for sure!

I got into work today at my normal time of 5:30 am. After a few hours passed I decided to go to the bathroom to drain my lizzy. When I got back to my desk what do I see? I see a beautiful wrapped present sitting on top of my keyboard just waiting for the wrapping paper to be ripped to shreds. I see it's from my main man Bill Kutters. I open the package slowly and by this time I have 3 co-workers sitting around me practically drooling because the excitement of opening a Christmas present early is so mind numbing. I open the package completely up and what do I find? A custom made calendar of photos of "My Best Friend" Herbie. Bill downloaded a bunch of pictures of Herbie and made it into a 2007 calendar. I was so stoked when I saw this that I almost came in my pants.

10:00 am arrives and it's now time for my 6 month review. I always get kind of nervous when I have to sit down one on one even if I know the person really well. My breathing gets heavy and my heart races like a 100 meter sprinter on steroids. I go into the review knowing that my review should be pretty good. They start off the interview by telling me my bonus (good) ...raise (cool) ..."Gregg and we're also giving you a PROMOTION TO SENIOR" When they said this to me I felt like Miss America when she wins and that creepy guy starts singing "There she is, Miss America". When they told me I got a promotion I should have totally started into a speech "First off I wanna thank my lord and savior Jesus Christ..and my momma for raising me even though daddy wasn't around". You know one of those fluff speeches! Ok let's get back on track. This is also my first ever promotion at a job so it felt good to actually have worked hard for something and have something cool come out of it.

At around 11:45 am I check my websites traffic logs and see a bunch of traffic coming from italk2much.com. They are basically this website that picks 3 blogs each day and reviews them. Well today they picked my website and gave it generally good reviews (read the review).
The only things they trashed on my site are my punctuation which I totally agree sucks. I never know when and where to put a comma. Is there like a 4th grade class I can take online for punctuation and grammar? They also trashed the look of my website. They didn't like the color scheme and they even have this fucking cheesy acronym BTOD = Black Template of Death. I have the black background which I guess a lot of newbie bloggers do. Shit if knew how to make a cool template for my blog I would but, I'm just using shit other people made. Someone please fucking help me!!! howtokillpeople.com can you be my template savior??? I'll give you a ookie cookie if you help me! Otherwise they liked my writing and thought I was funny and crazy for taking photos of myself in a skirt. Don't they know I just do that shit to get attention because I'm a fucking egomaniac and my dad wasn't around?!?!

Around 12:30 I go to the lizzy again to let all the days water I drank out. When I get back to my desk I find a card with my name on it "Gregg". I open it up and find a gift card to Starbucks from a co-worker of mine whom I helped with her testing modules. I'm like "God damn this is a really good day. What have I done to deserve this? I must be on Buddah's good side!" Plus what's up with me going to the bathroom and then coming back to find a present on my desk. I'm going to try going to the bathroom more times than I usually do tomorrow in hopes more presents will be sitting on it.

Happy Holidays!

gso

Giving & Receiving Packages

2006-12-18T19:15:00.000-08:00

Christmas time is definitely my favorite time of year. It's so exciting to get home and have a package waiting for you at your door after a really tough day at work of surfing the internet and processing mundane transfers.

You know what sucks is when you get home and see a package at your door but before you read who it's really for you're like "YEAAAAHHHHHHHH A PACKAGE FOR MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!" Then you read who it's for and it says your roommates name or your neighbors. It's really a big let down just let when I found out that we all die one day. I get the same feeling!

I've gotten some pretty cool things so far in the mail. I got a new digital camera from my mom, some thrift store t-shirts from Punky, gift cards to Gap, money & hopefully someone will mail me one of those big tins of popcorn.

Even though I'm not one of the most giving people on the planet like say a mother or Bill Gates I do like sending presents to people in the mail and hearing "Oh my God Gregg you're the best gift giver. I really loved that Coach handbag you gave me" You know something along those lines. It's weird and I feel kind of dorky for saying this but sending normal mail and packages gets me excited. Not sexually excited but more like the thought of a gift going from one location to someones house. I don't know how to really explain it but I get well "excited"!

If I had more money I would send everyone that comments on my blog a present even that dude Travis that tried fighting with me earlier today. I'd get Julianne a bunch of green, black and white tea. Dirty would get a diamond tennis bracelet. Punky would get a plane ticket to San Diego. Travis aka howtokillpeople.com would get those hideous Converse all-stars he created.
Erica would receive 2 massages to a spa. Emily would get 5 days/4 nights to the beautiful and exotic country the Philippines, along with 10,000 Pesos. RSM would get a shirt with me on it making this face. Q of D I'd get her some tissues to use in case she cries b/c I mistankenly forget to add her to a list of mine or I'd get her an invitation to a Celebrity funeral. And anyone that posts "anonymous" would receive 2 tickets to the Ellen Degeneres show.

Happy Holidays and if you want to send me something let me know and I'll provide my elusive address!!!

gso

P.S. The winner of the best Converse One design is Punky with 2 votes! Congratulations Punky you're officially the best Converse One designer in the world!!!

Converse One Designs

2006-12-17T09:57:00.000-08:00

Converse has a section on their website where you can customize your own shoe over at www.converseone.com and purchase it after you're complete. A Percentage of the sales from the shoe you design will be donated to the Global Fund to fight AIDS, Tuberculosis & Malaria.

It's pretty fun to customize the colors and words on the shoes. You can pick from Chuck Taylor All-Stars, Jack Purcells, Premiere One Stars and that also includes the high tops and low tops.
I love Converse sneakers so this is like "Converse Heaven" for me.

I had this idea of emailing my friends from the internet and having them customize their own Converse sneakers. Then have them email me back their designs and I'd put them on my website. Then have whoever visits my website vote on who designed the sneaker you'd most likely wear & the ugliest sneaker.

What does the winner get? The satisfaction of designing the coolest Converse sneaker in the world!

Check out the designs and don't forget to comment on what you think!!!

Designer: Kevin Weil

Designer: howtokillpeople.com

Designer: greggoconnell.com

Designer: EricaPutis.com

Designer: Emily Ignacio

Designer: Mr. Dixon

Designer: PunkyStyle.com

and PunkyStyle designed these as well

I Sold My Soul to RSM

2006-12-15T11:39:00.000-08:00

Go on and vote for RockStarMommy.com for "Best Parenting Blog" by clicking HERE
Her website isn't half bad once you get passed the incestious ass kissing from her fans.

What do I get in return from her? A spot on her blogroll!

holla if ya here me!

gso

Master & Dog Fetish Tale

2006-12-15T06:42:00.000-08:00

My friend from work let's give her an asian name how about ummmmm "Kim". Well Kim was getting her digital phone installed by the cable guy the other day. As he was installing it he says to her you know what I've been to this building before a few weeks back. It's kind of funny he says because when I normally come to someones place I generally call 10 minutes before I arrive so that I don't surprise them and they are ready for me.

He goes on to tell her that he went to this one house and before he entered he could hear a dog barking. The only thing was is that it didn't sound like a real dog. So he knocks on the door and the door opens. He walks into the apartment and what does he see?!?!??!?? He see's a guy dressed in a dog suit on all fours and a woman holding a leash. The woman is like "good doggy, good boy" They both continue to stay in their respective rolls of dog and master as the cable guy continues to work. The woman instructs the "dog man" to go eat some dog food. So the "dog" crawls on all fours over to his bowl and eats real dog food out of it. The "dog" moves two steps over and drinks water from a doggy bowl. Perverted freaks!

Now this is some crazy ass role playing. I can't imagine getting off to acting like a dog. Most men are dogs because they'll fuck anything that walks but literally acting as a dog that's another story. Also even if I did get off to acting like a dog then I would definitely stop the role playing once someone was coming into my house. I'd feel so embarrassed and awkward. I'm thinking that they both also got off to someone watching them perform this "dog & owner" fetish routine.

The only role playing that I've ever done was when I pretended to be a really good looking, funny & sometimes awesome 26 year old GUY that was born in Massachusetts but now lives in Sa Diego. The girls seem to really like that character...

Do you role play? Have you heard any crazy ass stories like the one above?

gso

Timeline of My Life

2006-12-13T20:46:00.000-08:00

I was born at age 0.
I found out I was going to die at age 5.
I went to the dog track at age 6 and bet on dog #6 and won $10.
I went on my first plane ride when I was 7.
I went on my last plane ride at age 9.
At age 12 I graduated from John F. Kennedy Elementary School.
I got a paper route at age 12.
At age 12 I hit puberty.
I twisted my testicle at age 13.
I began playing guitar at age 13.
I graduated from Junior High School at age 14
I smoked pot for the first time age 14.
I had my first major anxiety attack at 14.
I started my first band "Empathy" at age 14.
I got my first real job as a telemarketer selling tickets to the zoo for the police and quit my paper route at 15.
I quit the telemarketing job at 16 and got a job at a nursing home working in the kitchen
I graduated high school at 18.
I got my drivers license at 18.
I lost my virginity at 18.
I got my first car at age 19 - a 1998 Honda Civic EX
I turned 21 & I didn't go drinking. I stayed at home and relaxed :)
I moved out of my moms house and on my own
I got Herbie at age 21.
I had sex with too many girls at age 21.
I played my first solo show ever at age 21.
I started my second band "The Predicates" at age 22.
I moved in with Erica at age 22.
I moved to California at age 24
I started my blog at 24.
The Predicates breakup when I was 25.
Erica moved out and Emily moved in.
I'm happily living in California at age 26.
I'm writing this at age 26.

What are you doing?

gso

Come on Tim let me in, it's Freezing out here!!!

2006-12-12T20:00:00.000-08:00

When I was a kid my brother used to constantly play beat me up. He is 8 years older than me so when I was 9 years old he was 17. I'm glad I can laugh at it now but back then he tormented me. When my mom used to go out for the night my brother and sister used to watch me. My mom would leave and my brother would start to sing "I think we're alone now" you know that Debbie Gibson song? Ha ha I used to scream "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO TIM LEAVE ME ALONE I DON'T WANNA GET BEAT UP" He'd start punching me in my arm and slamming me on the couch. I'm not aggressive physically at all so I wouldn't even fight back. Mostly because I was scared that if I did he would beat me up more but also because I didn't want to hurt him. I'm such a sensitive fuck aren't I?

Sounds like abuse huh? ha ha. It wasn't that bad. The funniest thing I can remember him doing to me is when I'd get out of the shower, dry off, throw some He-Man underwear on & go downstairs. He'd pick me and throw me outside. Then he'd lock the door and point at me while I was outside in the freezing cold New England winter with only my underwear on. I;d then start yelling "COOOOOOOMMME TIM LET ME IN IT'S FREEEEEEEEEEEEZING OUT HERE"
My ankles would start cramping up from the cold, I began shivering but before hypothermia set in he'd let me in and I'd have to go stand next to the heater to warm up.

Being a kid ain't all that bad ;P
How were you tormented as a child?

gso

What Would You Do For A Pearl Necklace?

2006-12-11T19:25:00.000-08:00

Nooooooooo, I'm not talking about the kind of pearl necklaces that women get in adult films even though that kind of pearl necklace is near and dear to my neck I mean heart as well. I'm talking about the freaking pearl necklace that I got from the Ellen Show that didn't sell on Ebay. Sure I overpriced it originally when I listed by over $700 extra. So I relisted it for only $100 and it still didn't sell! Doesn't anyone like pearl necklaces anymore besides 60 year old women and porn stars?!?!?

The necklace is from PearlParadise.com and here is a description of the necklace. So ladies and gents my question to you is what will you do to earn this pearl necklace? You can send me something via mail, email or just do something crazy as a kind of trade. No one will buy this necklace so I want to do something cool and give you a "pearl necklace".

I'll mail you necklace and pay for the shipping charges!

So come on what will you do for my pearl necklace? Do something fucking crazy!!!

gso

Brazilian Girls Dancing Dirty Video & Family Fun Photos!

2006-12-10T21:49:00.000-08:00

This is kind of a two part blog. I stress the words "kind of" only because the family photos is basically us getting ready to go to Emily's Christmas party. The video of the Brazilian girls dancing dirty is from that party. I'm trying to add in some heterosexual sex appeal to my website. Enough with the gay innuendos and more Tits and Ass. Am I right or am I right?

Part I:
Since Emily and I got dressed up I wanted to take a few photos of us since we are usually just laying around the house in pajamas all day. I'm usually in my very unsexy oversized sagging to my knee sweatpants and hooded sweatshirt. While Emily is adorned in her pajama pants with reindeer print. All I know is we looked sexy and felt like we could have sex with anyone in the room including each other. At least that's how I felt anyway!

Emily was dressed in a skirt and blouse that she bought at Express earlier in the day. Along with a pair of expensive shoes that purchased at Mervyn's earlier in the day. I was outfitted in a Ben Sherman button up shirt along with some classic black knit pants and black shoes.

Part II:
Emily's company Christmas party was held at the Museum of Man in Balboa Park. It was a cool place to have a Christmas party except for the fact that you had to walk all over the place to get food, drinks, dessert & appetizers. The food tasted really good. I had prime rib with mashed potatoes. The thing that sucked about the food is there wasn't much variety and everyone knows how I love trying new and different kinds of food. I'm being sarcastic there which you probably didn't realize. I am plain Jane when it comes to food.

They had these Brazilian people as entertainment. The Brazilians that caught my attention were the scantly clad Brazilian girl dancers. Their outfits were magnificent as were their preteen bodies. Ha ha just kidding they had adult bodies.

Just watch the video and try not to get to turned on by their tan wet naked bodies!

gso

Blog Spammers!

2006-12-09T15:42:00.000-08:00

I fucking hate blog spammers! I've been getting like 5 comments a day from blog spammers!
I'm thinking of putting up a "word verification" code in order to comment that way those mofo's can't automate spam onto my virgin website. They've been posting shit like this:

" Hi. Good work!
Visit my site phentermine
buy http://www.Imadoochebag.com Federline online
Thanks."

I had no idea what "Phentermine" was until I looked it up. It's a drug that lowers your appetite. What person in their right mind woud honestly buy drugs from a link that some cock sucker posted on my blog?!?! The person that would is probably an overweight 35 year old female that reads my blog because she saw something that I wrote on RSM's blog. She feels like her life is over and needs a change because RockStarMommy makes her feel ugly because RockStarMommy is a attention whore and needs to take obscene raunchy photos. That is the person that would click on a blog spammers comment on my blog.

I've also been getting this one as well

" Hi Thanks for information!
buy
cheap viagra online
G'night"

What information is the spammer talking about? What kind of info did I possibly give him? My blog provides no information about "Viagra" the sexual enhancement drug for men. If anything my blog provides readers with an occasional laugh every week or so. So maybe they are selling Viagra to dudes that have very small penises before an erection. When they take Viagra they have a constant boner making it seem like they have a bigger penis than they really do? It's really just an illusion and the girl is tricked making the guy a modern day Penis Houdini!

Dear Blog Spammers,

Feel free to write any comments you'd like except for trying to sell drugs that everyone else on the internet sells. Who doesn't want to be skinny or have a boner all day? I know I do! BUT and that's a capitalized "BUT" why not try selling roasted peanuts or salted sunflower seeds? I love me some nuts and I know that if a blog spammer posted links on where to buy some premium nuts then I'd be all over that like an Asian girl on a white guy!

gso

PunkyStyle.com Visits greggoconnell.com

2006-12-08T20:33:00.000-08:00

My electricity is finally back on after being out for over 24 hours. Living without electricity really sucks. It reminds me of how the "Little House on the Praire" people used to live. I loved the show but I'd hate to live during that time period. How the hell would I check my email?!?!?

Thank God my blog buddy Amy aka PunkyStyle.com came to California this week.
Punky had seen one of my dance videos about a year ago and has been a big fan ever since. We decided to meet up on Thursday at PB Bar & Grill in Pacific Beach. I really thought she was going to be a party girl who drank like a mad woman but I was pleasantly surprised to find out she's totally laid back, nice as pie, sweet as cake & as kind as a tulip. She brought her two friends Carly & Mark. They also were very cool like cucumbers. I brought my posse of Erica & Emily. Mark's friend Renee showed up a short time later.

The dude Mark ordered some spinach dip and as he was eating it found a good sized piece of glass in the dip. It was so big that if he had eaten it accidentally he probably would have bled very badly. So he told the waitress and by the time we got the bill they charged us like $35 for an $80 bill. So it seems pay to have glass in your food.

After the fiasco with the food at PB Bar & Grill we headed over to The Tavern. Everyone has a few drinks but before I knew it I had to go home and get ready for bed. I said by goodbye with some hugs and high fives.

So to my girl Punky it was terrificly splendid meeting you and your friends and I hope we get to hangout in the future.

gso

NO ELECTRICITY?!??!?!??!

2006-12-08T05:53:00.000-08:00

This has been a very trying week for me to blog! I went to the Ellen show and got home late and couldn't blog afterwards because my brain was tired and my intestines were full of garbage! I can't write much right now but I will later but just let me tell you that my electricity was off when I got home from work yesterday and is still off!!! Something happened with one of the breakers and they can't fix it until today.

I have many tales of Punky, friends, Pacific Beach Bars, Glass in Food & more! I even have photos!!!

More later today. Please pray for my shiny white ass! I feel dead without electricity.

Ellen Show: Twelve Days of Christmas (Ebay + Photos)

2006-12-06T05:58:00.000-08:00

Boy was I tired after attending the Ellen Degeneres Show. I can sum it up as "Waiting, Traffic, Lines, Waiting, Lines & More Waiting".

I woke up at 3:20 am. Left my house at 4:00 am. We arrived at the Ellen Show at 6:00 am to make sure that we would get into the studio audience. We would be waiting until 11:00 am until they finally passed out the tickets. Waiting in line wasn't all that bad. Everyone was super friendly. There were these 3 cool hipster girls from Palm Springs in front of us. We all began chatting and before I knew it I was in heaven. Why was I in heaven? Well it wasn't because I was right next to 3 girls that thought I was God! I was in heaven because we were playing UNO! I love playing UNO on my Xbox 360. We played a few games of UNO, took some photos, I made them laugh like 85% of the time except for a few times when they didn't understand a couple of my jokes because of my super intelligent wit! There were only a few gay guys that I saw in the line of 300+ people. There were definitely more straight guys then I thought.

At 11:00 am they passed out tickets so finally some freedom! I was free to do whatever I wanted in the wild city that is Burbank, CA from 11:00 am -3:30 pm. So my 3 new friends (Jazzy Judith, Simple Anacely & Avantgarde Sheryl) me & my co-worker headed over to Acapulcos for some Mexican food. We all got the buffet since it was cheaper than the actual meals. We stayed there til 1:00 pm.

After that the girls went to their show since there were 2 tapings and they were in the first one. So from like 1:00 to 3:30 pm I went pee a few times, made some phone calls & listened to some music. It sucked! Like most blogs do! At 3:30pm we got back in line and waited for them to get us into the NBC Studio parking lot. At 4:00 pm we got into the parking lot and waited until 6:00 pm. At 6:00 pm they took us into the studio. For the next 20 minutes they blasted all of the played out hip hop tunes of the day and made the audience dance to it. Ellen came out around 6:20 and did her show for an hour. Emilio Estevez was the main guest. He was pretty boring and didn't have much of anything to say kind of like me.

The first present we got was Boule Chocolates. Basically it's overpriced chocolate that comes in a cool box. The next gift was a $300 gift certificate to Calyx & Corolla again another overpriced store. The last gift was a pearl necklace valued at $1,500 from PearlParadise.com. You can read more about the gifts here.

I don't think I would ever attend another Ellen Show taping because of all the waiting and downtime. You can't really get in your car and take off during the down time because you'll lose your parking spot and have a lot of trouble finding another one since there are no parking lots around the studio. I'm going to sell the necklace on Ebay. I've been eating the chocolates & I'll use the gift certificate from the florist for all the special women in my life.

Bid on the necklace!

gso

Ok You Can Officially Call Me Homo Boy!

2006-12-04T18:13:00.000-08:00

Tomorrow I'm attending the Ellen show as in Ellen Degeneres talk show on in the afternoon. I'm attending because my co-worker got tickets and her spouse can't attend so I'm the next best thing. I'm cool cause I have a blog. I'm fun because I don't need alcohol to have a good time and I'm funny because I take photos of myself in a mini-skirt.

Most of the people that attend the Ellen show if you've ever watched it are women, gay guys and the random husband who was dragged their because his wife's friends couldn't go. Why am I going? Well because I'm going to be getting some phat ass presents for free! It's part of Ellen's 12 days of Christmas and I'm attending day 5 of that. She's given out iPods, $300 gift certicates, towels & tons more shit! I'll be on TV on Wednesday of this week.

I'm excited to be getting free gifts but I'm kind of bummed because I have to wake up at 3:20 am so that we are definitely in the studio audience and get all three gifts instead of being kicked to the backstage room and only receive one gift. It's in Burbank, CA which is like 150 miles away from me one way! The last reason is because I'll be there from 6:00 am to 7:30 pm...uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh I'm going to be a tired mofo!

Tomorrow when I get back I'll post the photos & videos I took along with what I got for presents. Wish me and luck and make sure to watch her show on Wednesday to see me dance with Ellen!

gso

The Germans Slap Happy Dancing Fight (Video + Photos)

2006-12-03T08:31:00.000-08:00

Believe it or not I actually went outside last night. I'm talking out into the world not a virtual one or an indoor restaurant. My friend Bill, his girlfriend Michelle, Emily & I went to December Nights in Balboa Park.

It's basically just this festival that celebrates the different foods around the world & kicks off the holiday season. They used to call it Christmas Nights but the people that aren't Christian got mad and demanded a change. People are so sensitive it's so fucking cheezie! Get over it! If you don't like it make up your own festival!

Click here for December Nights photos

On our way out of the Beer Garden we saw these German people dancing up on stage. As I started to walk by them I realized that they were actually slapping and hitting one another in the face. Then they make these crazy sounds like Ric Flair "Woooooooooooo" So you hear them saying "wooooooooo" and you also hear their slaps against one another's faces. It's easy one of the funniest most entertaining videos I've seen in 4 to 5 weeks!

gso

Harajuku Boy aka Japanese School Girlboy Pictoral!

2006-12-02T06:10:00.000-08:00

I've always found those Japanese School Girl outfits sexy. It really wasn't until Gwen Stefani brought Harajuku Girls to the the forefront of American culture that I realized how much I adore those crazy little Japanese girls.

The REAL reason I decided to do a Japanese School Girl pictoral is because I saw RockStarMommy try to be all sexy and Asiafied on Flickr. I thought to myself I can totally pull that off and BETTER! Her legs aren't that nice anyway. It's the skirt and socks that make it sexy.

So Emily (ha ha sorry but you did help me) said "I have a short ruffley skirt and some tall soccer socks you can wear! " So I put the skirt on over my boxer shorts but then we realized that I had to take my boxers off because they were showing under the skirt. So I took off my boxers, put on a blue button up shirt and tied it into a knot and voila! My sexy Japanese School Girl look was complete!

I hope you enjoy my ATTEMPT at being a sexy Harajuku Girl ;)

gso

Brian Tate Memorial

2006-11-30T21:20:00.000-08:00

I just found out today that my twin Brian from work will no longer be working with me anymore because of budget cuts. They are getting rid of all unnecessary temps so they "discarded" him today. He wasn't too bummed about it. He's actually looking forward to having some free time to snowboard, go out with his college friends and sing Bright Eyes cover songs at the local coffee houses.

When a friend of yours doesn't work with you anymore it's almost like breaking up with someone. You're so used to seeing that person everyday and then one day they have to pick up their things and leave. You go from a routine to having to find someone new to fill that void that the routine was once in.

Change is good and kind of sucks. It's good in that if your leaving a situation you're not happy with then hopefully the new situation will bring some good luck joy club. Brian is a cool dude even if he is all "California'd Out". He may sound like the male version of Paris Hilton "Hey Braaaah" but he gets 5 purple flowers in my book of daisy's anyday!

Brian and I were the only white people in my little group of 8. Now I'm the only white person. It's not that weird being the only white dude in the group because except for the food my co-workers eat we all pretty much like the same shit. We all like Borat and we all hate Bush!

So to my man Brian Tate Good luck with your life and may all of your dreams of one day getting the chance to drink toilet water from an unknown bathroom stall for $1 Million come true! You're a cool dude with a cool haircut. You look like me but that's about it. You're probably lucky you don't have the same personality as me or else everyone would thing you're a "fag"! Thank your mom and tell her to send you a few hundred bucks so you can pay you're fucking rent you LUSH!?!?!?

gso

New Camera! New Photos! New Video!

2006-11-29T20:07:00.000-08:00

For Christmas my mom purchased me a Sony DSC-T10. It's very sleek and sexy. It's super easy to operate and the photos come out pretty good. I still need to get a Sony memory stick so I can take more photos with the camera before unloading them onto the computer. I also have to learn how to take good photos cause I kind of suck at it.

Here are some photos I took the day I got my new little baby. Most of the photos are inspired by Dirty Laundry!

I wanted to try out the video recording on it. I recorded a 30 second clip that after watching is really how a day in the life at home is here at the O'Connell/Ignacio Household. It's nothing but crazy voices, dogs, loud TV's & pajamas.

I Can Hear You Talking to me in Your Sleep...

2006-11-28T19:21:00.000-08:00

Mendy! Mendy! Mendy! Emily said I was saying this girl's name in my sleep the other day. Emily's like "Who's Mendy" I'm like "uhhh what?" Emily goes "You were saying "Mendy! Mendy in your sleep." I thought long and hard about it and I couldn't think of anyone named Mendy. Is Mendy even a real person's name? Does anyone have that name?!?!?!?
Every girl I know is Asian with a white girl's name like "Emily, Christina or Sin Chu"

People talking in their sleep has always kind of scared me. I remember as a young little boy man when my sister or mom would talk in their sleep. They'd be saying something like "Joey I'm gonna bring the eggs to the party" ha ha I'd be like "Mom what...what did you just say?" They'd even talk back but in an angry voice "I SAID I'M GONNA PUT MY SHOES ON AND TALK TO HIM"
The second sentence would always be even more weird because it usually had nothing to do with the first sentence. It would take me a few sentences to realize that they were actually just talking in their sleep. How come when they'd wake up and you'd tell them they were talking in their sleep they'd have no recollection of saying anything? Fucking spooky isn't it!

Their voice always sounds like more of a mumble than clean through. I feel like if the dead could talk to us it would sound like a person talking in their sleep making little to no sense at all & saying someones name that we don't know. The dead person might say "Ahhhhhh Malcolm the cheese in your shoes is lit by the candle light so don't forget to walk the dog" You know just some random crazy bullshit. tuff the dead person understands but to us alive folk sounds like rubbish.

What's the craziest, funniest or weirdest thing you've been told you said in your sleep or heard?

gso

My Will

2006-11-27T15:18:00.000-08:00

Since you never know when you are going to die why not write a will now? Especially when at my age you normally wouldn't write one? Plus I am drawing a blank on what to write about. Too many pluses going on here!

If I die the following things I own go to the following people unless the person that is getting something from my will KILLS me then the stuff they were supposed to get goes to my mom and or my sister and/or Emily and or/Erica. Good that should clear up some confusion!

Erica Putis gets:
Herbie (my dog)
my laptop (she needs a computer bad!)
50% of my cothes & shoes (so you can cut them up and make them into cool girls clothes!)

Emily Ignacio gets:
32 inch LCD HDTV
Nintendo Wii & all my Nintendo Wii games/accesories (lucky!)
25 inch Toshiba Low-Def TV (haha luckkky girl!!)
2006 Honda Civic (lucky girl not only do you inherit the car but also the payments!)
50% of my clothes & shoes (you can sleep in my clothes when you have nothing else to wear or if you new boyfriend needs something cozy!)

My Mom gets:
any money I may currently have
The right to bury me or cremate me

My sister gets:
all the Sirius Satellite & Delta Airlines stock I own

My brother gets:
All my guitars
All my guitar accessories
Marshall amp
The rights to all the songs I copyrighted
My iPod

Zdenek Janda gets:
Sony 7.2 megapixel camera (drop that 3 megapixel Fuji in the trash bro)

Bill Kutters gets:
Xbox 360 system , Xbox 360 games & Xbox 360 Accessories(I feel bad for you son. Let me bring you into the digital age!!!)
Left over sunflower seeds, gum or Goldfish on my desk at work (you'd be in heaven son!!!)

If my mom cremates me I want to be buried with my dog herbie or if Herbie is also cremated when he dies then have both of our ashes spread somewhere we both liked.

My website would go to no one. It would just go down once they took it down b/c I hadn't paid the server bill.

The music at my funeral must be Nat King Cole.

what would you will to who???

gso

Xbox 360 Red Ring of Death

2006-11-25T09:36:00.000-08:00

I turned on my Xbox 360 today and began downloading a music video from their Live service. As it began downloading I hear 3 beeps and my Xbox froze. I reboot the Xbox and I hear the 3 beeps again. It froze again so I rebooted once more and this time 3 red lights show up on the front of the console. I've read about this before and realize that my console is basically dead.

I call 1-800-4-My-Xbox. I am instructed by the computer operator to unplug my console, detach the harddrive, plug the power back in and turn the console on. I do this and the console boots up but then freezes.

A real live person comes on the phone and realizes my console is completely dead. He takes my info and tells me that my console is still under warranty until December 6 so all repairs and shipping are FREE. The turn around time is about 1-2 weeks.

Even though it's been a sad day so far because I've lost a true friend Xbox 360. There is some light at the end of the tunnel and that is I have a Nintendo Wii to play with and everything regarding my Xbox 360 is FREE.

I'm without a friend for a little while but I will fill it in with interacting with real people and listening to sad music to fill the void. I thought about making learning a trade like how to use a screwdriver or how to hammer in nails but that just seemed to difficult.

Please feel free to comment with get well wishes. I'm a wounded hurt in despair human being right now and I need all the support I can get.

Thanks,

Gregory Shane O'Connell

I'm Thankful For...

2006-11-23T10:25:00.000-08:00

Here's a list of things:

I'm Thankful/For...
My dog Herbie
My family for being there when I need them
Having Emily in my life
Having Erica in my life
My friends
Having a job that doesn't make me depressed
My penis works
I have a computer
I have people that comment on everything I put on my website
I don't have a hernia
I don't have cancer
I have an HDTV
I have an Xbox 360 & Nintendo Wii
I have a new Honda Civic
All the music I've found so far in my life that I like
I'm as funny as I am
I'm as handsome as I am
I can play guitar & sing
For girls

What are you thankful for?

gso

Thanksgiving Eve

2006-11-22T00:01:00.000-08:00

I just got back from the Matt Pond PA show at Soma in Point Loma. Two shows in one week! It reminds me of myself 1 year ago when I'd go to shows all the time. After the first show this week The Lemonheads my ears rung for 2 days straight. It probably didn't help that we were standing right up front.

Tonight's show had its own drama when someone in the crowd yelled to the band "you suck!" The lead singer for Matt Pond PA is like "whoever just said that should come up to the front of the stage. I'll kick you're fucking ass." It was pretty intense especially for a little Northern Boy like me.

Anyways have a great Thanksgiving guys! Send me photos of you cooking, eating turkey and touching your significant other in places I only dream about!

LOVE GREGORY!

Evan Dando is a Talented Dickhead!

2006-11-20T18:22:00.000-08:00

My obsession with Evan Dando who is the frontman of alternative rock band The Lemonheads began in 1996 when I first heard "If I Could Talk I'd Tell You". The sound of his songs were just so easy to like, sing to & relate to for me. After hearing his album "Car Button Cloth" I quickly purchased all singles and albums I could find of The Lemonheads. The reason I began writing the songs like I did back in 2001 was because of Evan Dando.

One of the first and best shows I ever went to was in 2000 when Evan Dando played at the Brattle Theatre. It was an amazing show and he played like 30 songs all solo and acoustic it was awesome! It really blew me away especially his voice & demeanor on stage. He didn't seem contrived like most musicians today. He seems to naturally have that "fuck you" slacker, druggy persona.

I even started a website about Evan Dando & The Lemonheads. It was called EvanLemon.com and was the most popular fansites for him at the time. I would get hundreds of hits a day and I was even in contact with Evan's manager Tom. Tom would always send me any new releases, posters and promo items. It was really cool to be that close to my favorite rock star.

I've seen Evan probably about 10 times in my life. He is definitely one of the moodiest musicians I've ever seen. One show he'll be talking up a storm and seem to be really enjoying himself and the next show he seems really down in the dumps and pissed off. There was this one show at T.T. The Bears in Cambridge, MA and he was outside after the show smoking cigarettes and talking to the crowd outside. A few people asked to be photographed with him. You might be thinking I'm all outgoing and say whatevers on my mind but when it comes to going up to someone and asking them for a photo with them or directions or something I'm pretty shy. So I walk up to Evan and I'm like "Hey Evan I run EvanLemon.com. I really love your music and I was wondering if I could get my photo taken with you". Evan replies "Yeah make it quick!". I'm like fuck dude that's pretty damn rude. It's not like after the photo he ran off to be somewhere. He just sat there and continued to smoke. I'm not saying he owed me a photo or anything but don't be a fucking cocksucker about it when someone asks you for one simple photo.

Last night was the icing on the cake when it comes to bad mood performances. Evan Dando aka The Lemonheads played at Belly Up in Solana Beach, CA. First it took literally like 35 minutes for him to come on stage even after the stage was completely setup. He played maybe 15 songs or a 45 minute set. The only word he said all night to the audience was "Thank You" at the end of the show. He never introduced himself or the songs. Not one time did he look into the crowd. He had his eyes closed the entire performance. His voice sounded kind of weak but overall the new songs sounded really good live and had a lot of energy.

I really don't get him. He has this amazing voice and talent and he has such a bitchy attitude. Don't get me wrong I absolutely love this guy as a musician. His one of my favorites if not my favorite but his attitude really takes away from his performance sometimes. He's not very welcoming to go up to at all. He comes off as a cocky motherfucker. God that sounds like me!

I really hope the next time I see him live that it's a lot like the first time I saw him when he was all cheery, energetic and glad to be on stage. When he plays like he did last night it makes the show a lot more unenjoyable and less satisfying.

Nintendo Wii Love (Update 2)

2006-11-19T19:09:00.000-08:00

I woke up at 5:30 am today with excitement and adrenaline running through my teenage body! I went to Target at 8:00 am to pick up a Nintendo Retro Controller :)
Then at 10:00 am I headed over to Toys R Us to pick up my Nintendo Wii console and a copy of Zelda!
I'm going to do multiple updates with videos and photos so check back often!

Secret Santa...Who's in?

2006-11-18T14:36:00.000-08:00

Christmas is fast approaching and the greggaholics that visit this site regularly need to join in on the first ever greggoconnell.com secret santa!

Here's how it works. First you leave a comment on this post with if you are interested and what you want. Also email me at gregg@greggoconnell.com with your email address and mailing address. I will close up sign ups on November 25. Then I will be put all the names into a hat and email you who you have along with their email address and mailing address.

Requirements are that you need to spend at least $15 on the person plus mail the gift to the person. That's it!

Who's in?!?!

If you want to exchange gifts with me personally you can email me at gregg@greggoconnell.com.

You love Christmas! If you're Jewish you're still welcome to join in!!!

gso

I Love to Bicker!

2006-11-16T21:32:00.000-08:00

Bicker is defined as "quibble: argue over petty things;" I love to bicker so much I'll sometimes go out of my way to start something with someone so that I can keep myself from being bored. Do you do that too? It's safe to say bickering is a hobby of mine.

I don't know if it's cause I like the attention I'm getting from the other person or what? It just is fun for me. It bothers most people. Like when I bicker with a girl the girl usually gets all whiney and bitchy. When they get like this it just makes me want to bicker even more. It's high like the kind of high a teenager gets when they huff from a can of shaving cream. Come on don't act like you don't huff after every time you shave your hairy legs!

Bickering also relieves a lot of stress that we as human keep inside. I feel like it sheds a layer of skin for us that otherwise would just lay there dormat for years until we exploded like a teenage boy all over girlfriends face for the first time. It'd be messy, dirty & smell like fish and uncooked hamburger.

Some of my best and most intense bickering has been with Erica Putis. She's so easy to get wound up and into a bickering match. I'd start by just being bored and following her around the house. Next I'd say or do something obnoxious like make some weird noise like I was a sea otter. I really am making myself sound like an immature fool punk teenager but come on this is who I am. I can't make everyone happy. I feel like you should make yourself happy then animals then people that aren't your kids. Kids always come first unless you're a single parent and haven't had a night out in 275 days then you put your Willy Wonka in charge!

So if you see me in the comments section of my blog or someone elses blog saying something to get people riled up it usually because I want them to visit my website. But the next reason is because I like bickering with all those retarded Rockstar Mommy fans!

Do you bicker for fun, for real or never at all?

gso

Would You?

2006-11-15T21:08:00.000-08:00

I play this game with my friends...Ok they aren't my friends but I pretend I'm friends with them. I ask them ridiculous gross questions and see how much money they would need in order to do whatever I'm asking them.

One of my hot questions a few weeks ago was "Would you cut off your balls and never be able to have sex again for $4 Billion? All the guys answered no. The only way they would is if they were older like 40 years or older. I myself don't think I would actually do it. I love having sex with people. It feels good and it makes my inner warmness burn like a camp side fire with young kids sitting around it singing songs about Jesus. Imagine not being able to get a hard on or having that rush of blood to your pleasure pole when a hot Asian woman walks by wearing some skimpy little skirt and some fuck me boots! Life is all about sex. Everything we do revolves around it. From the clothes we wear, to the car we drive, to the music we listen to. SEX SEX SEX XXX XXX PORN PORN!!! Ha ha I'm going to get so many hits now because I wrote that!!! YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Another hot question is when I ask the guys if they'd do some random gay act and for how much money. I love putting them in this nasty gross situations to see how they react. For instance I asked them "Would you let a guy tea bag you for $1 Million? Some guys reluctantly said "yes". When I push the amount to $10 million every single one of those in the closet friends of mine says "yes". So basically if you put enough money on the table you can pretty much turn any straight guy into a full blown homo. Tea bagging for $10 million is a pretty easy task. Sure I'd feel kind of dirty and worthless but I'd be the proud owner of a condo in La Jolla. I'd be driving one of those suped up Honda's that those Asian guys love to mess with. Shit side note I was watching TV today and they said that out of all the races in the USA that Asian households have a net income of $60,000/year compared to Whites with $50,000. Fucking A! Being Asian obviously pays off! Thank God I'm dating an Asian girl! Back to getting tea bagged! I'd let some dude do it. I'd be retired and taking 2 hour naps everyday in between walks with my dog on the tread mill!

I ask them all kinds of random nasty questions. I'll mark a part II of this post if it goes as well as I think it will. You married women really seem to respond to gay stuff and schlongs!

I ask you the same questions...

Would you cut off your balls or if you're a woman something that's the equivalent for $4 Billion?

and

Would you get tea bagged for $1 Million?

gso

Nintendo Wii Hands on Review + Video

2006-11-14T20:17:00.000-08:00

I just got back from running with Herbie when I received a call from Bill Kutters. "Hey Greggors you can go play the Wii @ EB Games in Point Loma". I'm thinking to myself "Nooooo wayyyyyy braaahhhhh". So as I get off the phone I'm dripping sweat and semen from the run I just had I yell to Emily "Babe! EB Games down the street has the Wii!" she says "Ok babe but I'm not going anywhere until you get in the shower...no one wants to smell your stinky sweaty bum" So I hop into the shower and lather myself up with Dove soap and Fantastic Sam's shampoo. Oh ya I drained my lizzy before I got in the shower just an FYI. I get out of the shower in record time, dry off, get dressed and head out the door with my little Filipino girlfriend.

It took like 3 minutes to get to EB Games but once I get there I head over to Heaven Gate. and see it in all it's plasticness....awwwww NINTENDO WII!!! I stand there for a few minutes sweating because I just got out of the shower and put on clothes. So the hot water from the shower didn't have time to cool down because I got dressed so quickly so my neck was sweating profusely!

In order to play the Wii at EB you need to give them your license. After you give them that they let you borrow the wireless Wiimote. The only game they had was Excite Truck. Which wouldn't be my first game to play since I'm not really into racing games but nonetheless I got to play the Wii.

In order to play Excite Truck you need to hold the controller sideways and move it like a steering wheel. As I began playing the controls felt really loose and the game seemed kind of hard but after 1 lap I quickly learned just how easy it is to play with the Wiimote. I ended up coming in first which is no surprise to me since I am a "Gamer".

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The console itself is really small and super cool looking. The Wiimote is very responsive, light, rumbles and has a little speaker that has sounds coming out of it. The graphics looked kind of fuzzy but it's because they were using RCA cables on an HDTV. Otherwise the graphics weren't that bad.

I'm very excited to play with my Wii on November 19! You should get a Wii too so that maybe you can be as cool as me but remember you'll never be me because I'm a "Gamer" and you're a housewife with kids!

gso

My 2006 Christmas Wishlist

2006-11-13T19:43:00.000-08:00

In no particular order here is my 2006 Christmas wishlist! It's a good thing I'm not Jehovah Witness b/c if I were I wouldn't be getting anything for Christmas! I'm not asking for much...:P

Rolling Stone Magazine Subscription

Sony Playstation 3 - 60gb version

Xbox 360 HD-DVD Player

Schwinn Solution Mountain Bike

Gillette Mach 3 Razors

Sony Cyber-shot DSC-T10 Digital Camera 7.2 MP

QuietComfort 3 Acoustic Noise Cancelling headphones - Silver

Happy Cologne by Clinique 3.4 oz COL Spray

Purpose Moisturizer, Redness Reducing SPF 30, 2.75 fl oz

Large - Black TNA Logo T-Shirt

Gift Certificate to Gap, American Eagle, Macy's, In and Out Burger & iTunes...

Cool thrift store t-shirts

Nude photos of you via email

Black Socks

Boxer Briefs - Large

Zune 30 GB Digital Media Player (Black)

KLH 2.1-Channel Home Theater Speaker System

Merry Christmas List!

gso

The Nintendo Wii Preorder Toys R Us Campout

2006-11-12T11:22:00.000-08:00

This goes down as the third video game console launch that I've waited out for. The first one was Xbox 360 which I waited 17 hours in line for. The second one was the Sony PSP which I waited 4 hours for. This morning I waited in line to be able to preorder a Nintendo Wii for a little over 4 hours!

It was only found out last night that Toys R Us was going to announce a second wave of preorders for the Nintendo Wii. It's actually in todays Sunday fliers. So not many people knew about it unless you're like me and you're fucking dork and read video game websites 24/7. So when I read it last night that Toys R Us was doing preorders for next weeks Nintendo Wii launch I yelled to Emily "Hey babe Toys R Us is doing a fucking preorder tomorrow, we should go!".

So at 5:00 am this morning we woke up and decided to go wait in line for the Nintendo Wii. We ended up getting there at like 5:45 am. The first guy to get there was there at 3:00 am. We were the 8th and 9th people in line and there was only 10 preorders. So thank Jesus, God & Mary that we went as early as we did because otherwise we would've been fucked!

So Nintendo Wii is released on November 19, 2006 and I now have no need to wait in line for 17 hours because I can just walk into Toys R Us on Sunday morning and pick up my Wii. I really must Thank Emily my girlfriend of over 250 days for the Nintendo Wii. It's my Christmas gift from her. Guys it just goes to show that you just need to go out into the world or Philippines and find yourself a single Filipino girl as well!

Click here for the Nintendo Wii Preorder Photoset

gso

P.S. Emily is selling her preorder she got for herself in case you want to buy it for a premium :)

Do Candles Make You Gay?

2006-11-11T06:54:00.000-08:00

Ever since Yankee Candle got really really popular in the late 90's I've been a big fan of candles. The smell, the color & the ambience they evoke in a room is a magical experience only churches and Priests can recreate.

Some of my favorite candle scents are the fruity ones especially Apple scents. The Apple scented candles give me a good feeling. The same feeling that I get when my balls rub up against the side of my legs on a hot summer day. You know that sticky yet warm sensual feeling?

Back to candles! I also adore the holiday smelling candles. The Christmas scented ones, the pine ones & the mixed ones like Peppermint Cranberry. The only thing kind of sucky about Yankee Candle is that all of the holiday candles, apple candles & the cookie scented candles smell almost exactly the same. It's kind of funny actually they smell the same but they come up with these ridiculous names for them even though they are the same like "Feliz Navidad" & "Sparkling Angel" & "Sparkling Pine". They really just need to sell one candle for Christmas not 20 different named ones that smell alike. It's kind of like someone reading 20 other blogs when they really just need to read mine. We all write about the same shit it's just some blogs "smell" slightly better than the others. My blog smells like country apples...mmmm yummy!

So if a guy likes candles does it make him gay? I don't think so...but I like candles and I also know I'm not a homosexual so maybe I'm not the right person to answer this question. What about in the olden days when candles were used to for lighting a room? Did they make the Pilgrims gay?

gso

Jamboy

2006-11-09T20:17:00.000-08:00

My buddy Brian from work and I were talking about if he would do something crazy (the crazy thing I can't remember) for a free vacation and he said "Ya Braaaaahhhh" in all his California swagger. I go would you go on a cruise to the Caribbean? Brian replies with "Ya Braaaahhhh that be cool...hmm nah I'd go to South Africa Braaaahhhh" I'm like "SOUTH AFRICA?!?!? THEY HAVE FUCKIN PIRATES DOWN THERE! REAL LIFE PIRATES!!!"

He tells me that South Africa is really nice. His friends parents went there. "Oh ya they went golfing Braahhhh and the guy behind the counter was like do you guys want a jamboy he's only $5. They didn't know what a jamboy was but they thought since it was only $5 what the hell so they said yes." Come to find out that a jamboy and this is really real true honest to God true shit..."Historic word for ethnic people, who were employed by rich white folk. They would follow around their masters with jam smothered on their faces in order to keep the flies off them while they played golf in hot countries"

Isn't that really fucked up?!?!? I could and would never (unless for he right price....no not $5!!!) do that. How can you degrade yourself like that? Believe it or not I have too much fuckin pride to be someone else's jamboy"! Shit I would've gotten a job at the local South African Mickey D's rather than smother jam all over my face for some white dude so that they flies attack me and not him. Uhhh I'd end up kicking the golfers ass by the 2nd hole! Well I would've probably kicked the golfer in the leg and ran away as fast as I could but that's beside the point...or is it?

The shit I tell you guys like "jamboy" and "thizz face" is really keeping you peeps up to date with all this slang talk that you dudes ain't be knowin' bout! You'd be so left out in the cold at the workplace water cooler, but now you can be the one telling stories about getting all "Thizzed out" last weekend or about the time you went golfing in South Africa and had your own "jamboy". Even if you don't golf or haven't been to South Africa just lie it's cool everyone does it!

Will The Real Gregg O'Connell Please Stand Up!

2006-11-08T19:10:00.000-08:00

Here's your chance to get to know me a little better. Easy ladies I'm taken! It doesn't mean I won't accept gifts though :P

1. What is your occupation? Account Transfers Associate...Basically I process Mutual Funds! No I'm not rich nor can I tell you how to invest your money!

2. What color are your socks right now? Black Socks...Once you go black you never go back!

3. What are you listening to right now? I can hear the lady on QVC talking and for music I have The Whitest Boy Alive on singing "Burning"

4. What was the last thing you ate? Apple-Peach Pie from Julian Pie Co. mmmmm yummy!!!

5. Can you drive a stick shift? No..I'm such a loser for the male race :(

6. If you were a crayon, what color would you be? Green.

7. Last person you spoke to on the phone? Seth. He asked me for a ride via text message so I called him back saying "yes" damn him!!!

8. Do you like the person who sent this to you? Yes Erica is a swell gal with a crazy as dog!

9. How old are you today? 26 years 8 months and 2 days

10. Favorite drink: Hmm it depends on my mood but I love bottled spring water, Propel, Sprite & many juice drinks :)

11. What is your favorite sport to watch? I guess football or basketball. Fuck the jocks!!!

12. Have you ever dyed your hair? Yes. But I look mega gay when I do it cause I frost the tips like Mark Mcgrath used to!

13. Pets? Herbie (dog) & I've since adopted 2 cats (black one and furry one)

14. Favorite food? Probably pizza. A good pizza can give me a hard-on.

15. What was the last movie you watched? My name a Borat! Fuckin Borat you motherfucker! Go see it! It's easily the funniest movie of the last couple years.

16. Favorite day of the year? This is a tough one...I'd have to go with Christmas or my birthday because I love receiving presents. Hint Hint!

17. What do you do to vent anger? I usually punch the wall really hard or kick my girlfriend in her pregnant stomach Ha ha nosa I usually listen to music or go excercise...

18. What was your favorite toy as a child? My GI Joe guys or my Pet Monster b/c I used to pretend they were WWE wrestlers. I used to totally wrestle My Pet Monster on my bed haha!

19. What is your favorite - Autumn b/c it's cooler and the leaves are changing. It makes me want to change something about me too and everyone close to me knows how much I love to change!

20. Hugs or kisses? Kisses because I like being physically affectionate with my mouth. hint hint!

21. Living arrangements: San Diego, CA with my girlfriend Emily, 2 cats, a beta fish and a dog.

22. When was the last time you cried? God I don't know probably the next to last day I was in Massachusetts. My family had just thrown me a goodbye party.

23. What is on the floor of your closet? Old computer, some clothes and random boxes

24. Who is the friend you have had the longest that you are sending this to?
well since this is really supposed to go via email then I guess I'll pick who I think the first person to comment will be and I'll go with Julianne B or Dirty!

25. What did you do last night? I went to the gym, showered, ate dinner & made dirty love for like 7 minutes :)

26. Favorite smells? My sweaty balls & fruity smells

27. What inspires you? Watching bands on TV. It makes me want to get out there and play a righteous rock show!

28. What are you afraid of? What aren't I afraid of? Read this!

29. Plain cheese or spicy hamburgers? A plain cheeseburger is king in my mouth!

30. Favorite dog breed? Smini-schnauzers b/c they look like old men from the north and they have the bestest personalities!

31. Number of keys on your key ring? 4 I believe

32. How many years at your current job? 1 year and a few months

33. Favorite day of the week? Saturday b/c I can sleep in until 6:00 am and go to bed whenever I want!!!

34. How many states have you lived in? 2 (Massachusetts & California)

35. Favorite holidays? Now it'd be weird if I said anything other than Christmas and my birthday. I also like Thanksgiving and Halloween :)

36. Ever driven a motorcycle or heavy machinery? Nope remember I'm kind of a little bitch and scared of everything.

YOUR TURN NOW!!! I WANNA KNOW THE REAL YOU!!!

gso

Is Dead Really Dead?

2006-11-07T18:17:00.000-08:00

When I was a 5 year old little Greggie Poopy Pants I finally realized that we don't live forever and that we actually die. My brother told me this. So I ran upstairs and started banging on my mom's bedroom door "Mom I DON' WANNA DIE....I DON'T WANNA DIE!!!" I was balling like a fat kid who missed out on the limited time McRib at McDonalds.

This is the first major thing I can remember being scared of. I also remember being scared of our cat for some reason. Ha ha she used to chase me around in a circle and I used to scream like a little girl. It's weird because growing up I ended up loving cats. Anyways back to the topic "DEATH!!!"

I think "DEATH" is where all my fears derive from. I've been scared to death of death since the age of 5. It kind of sucks to think that one day you will die and will be no more. Like you just end...You go from having sex with some hot stud with a 7 inch cock in your ass to laying in a casket 6 feet underground with worms and other bugs eating you.

Is there an afterlife? I kind of feel like religion was created to control society and ease our minds on death. I don't think anyone wants to think that once we die there's nothing more to us. It's weird because when I think of when I die it's going to be like all the lights go out and it's only me. I can't hear, see, feel or touch anyone else. It's just me in an infinite black room.

My ideal heaven would be to see all my family, friends & animals I've had in my life along with all the things I've enjoyed in life like fatty foods, video games, internet, music, movies, TV, slutty looking girls, Asian girls, QVC & cold drinks.

If I was given the option to live on earth forever I may just take that opportunity. I'd be hard pressed to turn down such an extravagant gift. Imagine all the things you'd see like the crazy new TV's, wicked super fast internet, new galaxies & all kinds of other crazy shit. The girls in the future will probably have boobs bigger than cow tits and as much milk too!

So to all my dead homies give us peeps on earth a sign of how death really is! Or maybe you can't because maybe when you're dead you're really dead! :(

What do you think happens when you die???

gso

I Need Change on Register 4...Change on Register 4!!!

2006-11-06T18:47:00.000-08:00

Belly aches balloon like marigolds in the spring. So who is that guy the cashier calls when she needs more change?!?! He seemingly comes from out of nowhere with a wad of cash that could make a bum drunk for weeks!

The guy to me seems like he is coming from just stocking the shelves but he must not be because he has this huge pile of money. Obviously some dude stocking the pampers in aisle 5 isn't going to have a stack of 1's and 5's in his pocket waiting for the next middle aged cashier to call him over for change.

The guy must have a secret room in the back where he sits. He's probably watching the people dancing in th aisles via the security cameras. I know I've had my fair share of singing and dancing in stores.

I can only imagine what the "guy" has seen, from people making out to fighting to stealing to people dying? I mean what else could he actually be doing wherever he is coming from? He's surely not setting up the schedule for next weeks big sale for his entire shift.

So to my man who gives the fugly's their change I salute you with a fist to a fist. You calm the customer with your 1's, 5's & 10's and run to the register leaving us with a nice cool breeze.
Keep up the good work my man!

gso

P.S. Who is this man?!?!?!

The Hairy Bagel

2006-11-04T07:45:00.000-08:00

Bagels were created back in 1683 by a Jewish baker from Austria. If you don't know what a bagel is then you're kinda fucked up I'd say. They are these circular doughy bread treats with a hole in the middle.

I don't claim to be the originator nor do I claim to be a pro at making "Hairy Bagels". Hairy bagels were created in 2006 probably by some dude with a hairy buddah belly like mine. Hairy bagels are different then regular bagels because you can't really consume them. Here are a few things you can do with a hairy bagel.

Grab it
Squeeze it
Lick it
Shave it
Bite it
Suck on it
Get the lint out
Pray on it
Rub it
Spread cream cheese on it

So as you can see you can do many things with a "Hairy Bagel". I made my "hairy bagel" on November 4, 2006. To observe my "hairy bagel" in its virgin state to me is like watching a newborn baby come out of its mothers womb with all that gook on it. It's a beautiful most edible looking treat that all men, women & children should crave.

How to make your very own hairy bagel. Well you need two things in order to have a genuine "hairy bagel". You need some fat on your stomach and some hair on your stomach. Next you take your two hands and place them around your belly button about 3 inches from your belly button. Then you lightly squeeze thus creating your own hairy bagel.

Here's a video of someone making a hairy bagel!

Go ahead kids enjoy and share your creation with the rest of us!

gso

Screw The Fall Back Clock Change!

2006-11-03T20:30:00.000-08:00

The hour of daylight lost since last weekends daylight savings clock change has completely screwed up my sleep pattern. It was already kind of screwed up before because of my work schedule being 5:30 am to 2:00 pm.

It used to not get dark until 7 or 8 pm but now it gets dark at like 5:00 pm. So like an hour after it's been dark outside my eyes start getting heavy and my balls nestle up into my body. I'm beginning to get tired at 7 or 8 pm nowadays. I'm going sleepy heads @ 8:00 pm. I totally live the life of a 65 year old man.

I wake up super early at 4:30 am on the weekdays and 5:30 am on weekends. I almost always go to bed by 8 or 9 pm. My entertainment is going to Target to browse the merchandise and dream about what sweet tooth decaying goodies I could be nursing on. It's a stressful life I lead!

I wish they'd really stop pushing the clocks back one hour in the Fall/Winter months. I mean is it really necessary to do this? If they kept the clocks in the correct position all year round my internal clock would be so much better in tune. Oh and don't get me started on my bed too. My bed is very uncomfortable. I toss and turn all freaking night lately. I think it's almost time to order one of those soft yet firm beds off of HSN.com and do the easy pay plan! I need to keep my 26 year old chubby pale face looking in tip top shape.

Sleep has been my biggest enemy in the last month and I will conquer and defeat it before it gets the better of me. Maybe it's all that Flax Seed Oil I'm taking?!?!?!

gso

Chick-Fil-A (Review)

2006-11-02T17:34:00.000-08:00

Today Emily & I visited the grand opening of the newest and now the busiest fast food chain in San Diego / Point Loma, Chick-Fil-A. I don't think I've ever been to a grand opening of a restaurant before? I kind of felt like a dweeb being one of the first people to check out the newest Chick-Fil-A. The first 100 customers today at the Point Loma Chick-Fil-A get a free chicken sandwich every day for a year! That's 52 chicken sandwiches!

The customer service was pretty nuts. We walked through the door and the place is packed with employees. There are door greeters saying "Hello welcome to Chick-Fil-A" then you have the guys in suits overlooking everything. Every single one of the registers had at least one employee at it. Most had 2 employees at them. They actually brought people that work at other Chick-Fil-A's to the Point Loma one to make sure everything ran smoothly. It's too bad I can't get some customer service for greggoconnell.com to help me out with the legions of fans I have. It's hard keeping each and everyone of my married with kids 30 year old females happy. There's only so many times I can write about things that I hate, scare me or things that I like!

In-And-Out is better tasting. Would I go back to Chick-Fil-A again? Yes! I want to try the charbroiled chicken wrap and breakfast! As we were walking out the door they handed each person a FREE coupon for any breakfast item!

It's too bad I don't have coupons for my website. I could give free virtual 2 minute massages or advice on relationships.

Things I Hate

2006-10-31T20:20:00.000-08:00

Hate is a strong word but a necessary word!

I Hate

Getting sick
Sunday nights because the next day is a work day
Doing dishes/cleaning the house
Giving in/Backing down
Slushy dirty snow
Extreme heat
The sun
Excessive Rain
Tap water
Strong smelly perfume
Paying bills
Having no money
Power trips
Coffee house girl musicians
Jam bands
Wiggas
Excessive nagging
When someone acts like they can't hear me (Erica, my mom)
When the internet goes down
Working late
Gas prices
Meatheads
Alcohol
People who are easily offended
Hair in the drain
Doing things that I don't want to do
Showoffs
Not winning contests
Knowing I'm wrong
Fish
Doing laundry
The desert
Drugs
Kansas
Ohio
When my girlfriend doesn't tell me what she is thinking
Pretentcious people
Frat boys
DRM
War
When my dog licks his paws excessively
Flaky people
Public transportation
Headaches
People speaking another language in front of me
Being busy
Traffic
Gaining weight
Not getting what I want
Holding in gas
Not having gum
Pet stores with animals for sale inside
Getting not comments on posts on my blog

gso

Happy Halloween

2006-10-31T20:05:00.000-08:00

By the time most of you read this it will be November 1 so think of this is a later Halloween party! Enjoy these raunchy Halloween photos to all my "Boo's"

Click here for all Halloween photos

Sorry I don't have anything clever to write but I'm sick. I have a sore throat. When I'm sick I act like a baby. Please send all get well soon cards to gregg@greggoconnell.com

thx
gso

QVC & HSN

2006-10-30T20:45:00.000-08:00

I'm sitting here watching 2 of my favorite channels. I keep switching between QVC & HSN. They both are selling jewelery. This lady just called in to say that she has just bought a pair of earrings that are today's special value. The host asks "What do you do for a living?" The caller "I'm a registered nurse" The host "oh Betty thank you for all the hard work you do for our country" I love TV shopping channels but sometimes they make me want to puke. These hosts (except for David Venable) are the cheesiest, fakest mofo's I've ever watched. Everything they sell have it be jewelery, TV's or food is always the best most amazing product ever.

HSN is selling a "London Blue Topaz Silver Ring" and the host just announced that he has never seen a price like this before for this quality of a ring, you can't find blue topaz anywhere else, sales are going to explode & something he has never said before about blue topaz "buy more than one" These are are bold statements!

TV shopping personalities maybe more sleazy than used car salesmen. I can't get enough of them though. The best part is watching the sucky hosts. The ones that are on at like midnight that start stumbling over all their words and sound like complete idiots.

The fakest most clueless host is this lady on HSN Shannon Smith. I love watching her sell electronics most of all. She comes on and sounds like a freaking robot reading from a sheet. My boy David Venable has all the personality in the world and shines like a bright flame that burns all night. Shannon Smith on the other hand makes you want to cringe and change the channel. If she was your date she's be the type of girl who tried too hard. You know those girls the ones that annoy the fuck out of you because they force everything rather than letting it happen naturally.

So to my QVC and HSN hosts I thank you for entertaining me all these years.

gso

Popcorn Ear

2006-10-29T17:41:00.000-08:00

When I was 10 years old I went to the Pediatrician for my regularly scheduled checkup. He was checking out my whole entire lean sexy preteen body when he got to my ears.

The left ear was first! This ear was in pristine condition just like it was when I was 9! Next up the right ear! Oh my! As he sticks his tool in my ear he seems to notice a huge build up of wax. It's so much wax or so he thinks that he is going to clean it out for me. He starts working his magic in my right ear and he begins to figure out it's not wax it's something else! He ends up getting the "thing" out of my ear. It's a freaking popcorn kernel! I had a whole unpopped popcorn kernel lodged in my ear and I didn't even know it! I don't know how it got there. I used to eat microwaved popcorn all the time during this time. So what I think happened is that I must have had some popcorn in my hand then scratched the side of my head and a popcorn kernel fell in.

It would of' been awesome if I still had the popcorn kernel. I could've sold it on eBay like it was an aged bottle of wine. If I sold it today the title could be "16 year old Popcorn Kernel aged in Ear Wax Barrel". I'd probably sell it for a lot of money. Those online casinos buy all kinds of crazy shit!

What's the funniest thing any doctor has ever found on you?

gso

Darkest Nights (MP3)

2006-10-28T11:38:00.000-07:00

Download my lastest foray into electronic music with my good friend D-Fab. Aptly titled "Darkest Nights" It's all about how the military throws this fantasy of how good and rewarding it is to be in the military. The reality of it all is you're basically going into hell to fight and kill people. Enjoy!

Download "Darkest Nights" here!

Celebrate your time in hell
Optimized in pitch and sale
And the shake don't stop
Til we're on top
And you better not leave
Until we breathe

Back to back we fight this
Count the votes and we'll kill more
And the shake don't stop
Til we're on top
And you better not leave
Until we breathe

Sunshine on the darkest nights
With the brightest lights
Shining in my eyes
Got this fists to fight
We're not wrong we're right
Got this fists to fight
We're not wrong we're right
We're not wrong we're right
We're not wrong we're right

Celebrate your time in hell
Optimized in pitch and sale
Back to back we fight this
Count the votes and we'll kill more

lyrics + vocals: Gregg O'Connell
music: D-fab

Breast Feeding: Behind The Breast Feeding

2006-10-26T19:34:00.000-07:00

What does Gregg known about breast feeding? Well I learned a hell of a lot last night! I don't think I breast fed as a baby which could be the reason for my constant lash outs on the weak, the sick & the poor.

I was hanging out at my friends house last night and he and his girl just had a baby. Ok so to protect their names and privacy I will make up names for the people involved. My friend who is a male we will call him Terry and for his lady friend we shall call her Sam. Well after Sam had the baby she began breast feeding and pumping. Around this same time she joined a Yahoo Group for "Breast Feeding Moms" It's a kind of a support group where other moms give each other helpful tips on breast feeding and pumping. Like for instance one woman in the group can pump 9 oz of milk per pumping while Sam can only pump 2 oz. I wonder if the 9 oz woman is part cow?!?!

Some of the women in this group even sell their own breast milk. When Sam said this to me I was as shocked as when I found out Henry Gail was really one of the "Others". I was like man that's really disgusting and seemingly unsanitary. Sam said this is common practice and that you can make some good money by selling your own breast milk. The milk is filled with many nutrients and goes through rigorous testing. It goes through such tough testing because breast milk which is a bodily fluid can pass on HIV, Hepatitis & more fun stuff. I would never buy breast milk for my child. I'll stick to formula and bottles of Gerber apple sauce. Screw the tainted sour breast milk! Give me apples or give me death!

Well Sam went on to say that the group was so wildly active that she was literally getting 1,000 emails per day in her mailbox. She decided to leave the group but before she did a single mom with a 5 year old emailed her and wanted to stay in touch with Sam. Sam comes to find out this woman is a lesbo. I'm talking a full on lezzi. You know the kind that likks carpet muching! So this lady "Aspire" (we'll give her a stipper name) started to email Sam all these weird questions like "When your baby is breast feeding does it feel good?" Now Sam was weirded out by this and answered with "Yes it feels good to know I'm giving my baby something healthy". Aspire comes back with "No, you know what I mean like..does it feel good on your breast?" Sam is so grossed out she answers the lady the same way she answered the question before.

Aspire goes on to tell Sam that she still breast feeds her 5 year old child especially if her child can't fall asleep. Then after her daughter breast feeds Aspire masturbates. By the time Sam tells me this about Aspire I'm like dying laughing and practically falling off my wheelchair in shock! What fucking crazy lady first still breast feeds a fucking 5 year old child? Then second off masturbates?!??!? This world is going crazy!!! A 5 yea old still breast feeding would've been like having a scene in "Home Alone" at the end where Macaulay Culkin starts breast feeding from his mom because of being so distraught about being left alone. Crazy huh?!?!

Sam tells me more info about breast feeding moms. Stories of how a lot of moms who breast feed actually orgasm from breast feeding. I felt so violated and turned on at the same time (:P) by all this new info. I would never think in a million years that moms are getting sexual pleasure from breast feeding. Like it never crossed my mind. Which is kind of strange because a lot of weird things pass through my head but not this! I wish I would've known this because I could've totally put it in my "Sunday Sex Stories" that I write for biblesexstories.com.

I hope I've made you a little more informed on breast feeding as a whole. Especially you new mothers or mom to be's. Knowing is only half the battle and we must fight for what we believe in. If we believe in anything lets believe together and together we will live to fight another day! Ha ha God that sounds like a bunch of horse shiiiiit doesn't it?!?! My mouth is dry from the nap I just took so I'm going to go get some fresh ice cold spring water. Keep breast feeding but be safe about it. This PSA was brought to you by "greggoconnell.com you're online source for all human bodily fluids"

gso

Napping Season

2006-10-25T17:57:00.000-07:00

It's officially napping season finally! Don't act like you don't know what napping season is! Ok I'll tell you if you don't already know. It's the time of the year October through March when the weather is cooler and the days make you more lazy than the other months of the year.

I honestly believe napping is hereditary. My sister when she was in high school would come home from school and sleep from 2:30 til 6:00 everyday. I used to think this was "nucking futs" but now here I am doing the same thing. O'Connell's blood is sleepy blood.

My career as a napper hasn't been very long. I've been napping reguarly since about the age of 21. Napping to me is escaping the horrors of everyday life and entering a magical world only Harry Potter really knows! Does anyone remember that quote?!?! hmmm

It's not like my job is stressful or makes me tired. I nap out of habit. I get home put the TV on and eat dinner. Then my sweet baby green eyes begin getting heavy. My brain gets lazy and my body loosens up for a 2 hour nap that would be sure to satisfy any young child or senior citizen.

The only way I can nap when it's not napping season is if I have an air conditioner. I sweat every time I take a nap no matter what season it is. I always wake up with a sweaty head, balls & dry mouth. I've been this way since I was just "Greg" minus the other "g"

Napping for one hour is as benefical for learning as a full nights sleep. This obviously explains why I can't do anything creative until I take a nap. When I wake up from a nap I feel like a new person. Kind of like going from a complete asshole to a sweet little old grandmother. I probably smell like a grandmother too after my nap.

gso

My Daily Routine

2006-10-24T20:39:00.000-07:00

Everyone has a routine but mine may be the most boring sounding routine of all. This is my Monday through Friday routine. It's like clockwork and rarely changes.

4:18 am First Alarm Goes Off
4:24 am Emily gets up and gets in the shower
4:30 am Second alarm goes off. I get up and check my emails and favorite websites
4:40 am get in the shower
4:50 am get out of the shower
4:52 am get dressed
4:58 am do my hair (ha ha that sounds like an old lady "do my hair"
5:00 am Take Herbie out to go pee and pooh
5:05 am take my multi-vitamin w/ applesauce cause I can't swallow, get my lunch ready
5:07 am eat my breakfast while I surf the internet
5:12 am leave for work
5:30 am drop Emily off at work
5:33 am arrive at my job
5:35 am log into my computer at work and check my work and personal emails
5:40 am process transfers
7:30 am go to the Lizzy
7:35 am process more transfers
9:00 am go for my walk with Kim, Bill, Jelyn & Brian
9:20 am process transfers and begin eating sunflower seeds....
10:30 am go to the Lizzy again...
11:30 am go to lunch
12:00 pm process transfer..ahhhhhhhhh fuckin transfers!!!
12:30 pm go to the Lizzy once more!
1:00 pm go for my last walk with everyone minus Billy Whipped
1:20 pm process transfers...... :(
2:00 pm leave work
2:05 pm pick Emily up
2:30 pm arrive home
2:40 pm take Herbie out to go pee/pooh
3:00 pm eat dinner
3:45 pm take a nap
6:00 pm wake up from my nap and surf the internet, play video games and watch TV
7:00 pm go to the gym to burn 400 calories watching other people work out!
7:45 pm get home from the gym
8:15 pm Take Herbie for a walk
8:45 pm take a shower
8:50 pm surf the internet write a blog and play video games
9:30 or 10:00 pm go to sleep

I'm the type of guy that can stay inside and have the time of my life. The only things in life I need to make me happy are Herbie, video games, the internet & the TV. Most people like to go do activities outside like soccer or diving. Not me I'd rather be in the comfort of my own home. Yes my girlfriend gets bored of my routine. Sometimes I need to amend my daily routine to make her happy which is fine with me because honestly I get bored of it too. Who wouldn't get bored of naps and dinner @ 3:00 pm?!??!

If I came into a large sum of money say $2 million I wouldn't do anything except go shopping, walk my dog and relax. I'd be so happy. Most people would travel to Guadalajara or some other poor ass city. Most people say I'm not really living life but I beg to differ. I'm living life the way that makes me happy and comfortable. Just because you drink beers, eat dark meat chicken & play basketball with the brothas @ the Y doesn't make you cool it makes you a scallywag!

Is it me or is that new Jojo song "Too Little Too Late" dope ass catchy shit?!??! "You know it's just a little too late" God Jojo really knows how I feel! She's deeper than a well.

gso

Conservative Right Wing Christians Go Pooh Too!

2006-10-23T20:58:00.000-07:00

Walks at work come twice a day: 9:00 am and 1:00 pm. It's 5 of us that walk on our 15 minute break. Well today at 1:00 pm before our walk Brian and I went to the Lizzy. (aka bathroom...Lizzy aka "draining the lizard..I call it the Lizzy b/c bathroom is so old and boring and I like being hip and trendy)

Anyways as we are walking to the Lizzy, Brian and I began having a discussion on internet gambling and how it's illegal or so I thought it was. Brian informed me that internet gambling is not illegal yet but it will be soon. By this time I'm at the urinal draining my Lizzy, he is in the stall doing his thing and there is another guy in the other stall. We continue talking about internet gambling when all of the sudden "BOOM" it sounded like a bomb was just dropped on San Diego. I start laughing out loud I'm like "Brian was that you" He didn't say anything at first and he started laughing as well. Brian points to the other stall. The right wing Christian guy was dropping fucking bombs in the toilet like it was cool to do with other dudes in the bathroom.

We're washing our hands and Brian is like "Yeah those fucking right wing Christians are the ones that are trying to control and stop internet gambling. They're just trying to be good so they get into heaven." We're done washing our hands and the guy that was popping turtle heads out of his ass got out of the stall and is like "That isn't really proper bathroom conversation especially when there is a conservative ring wing Christian in the bathroom as well." The whole time the scallywag is saying this and Brian is laughing really hard and loud. The guy was so fucking pissed it was so funny. My question to the Christian dude is what s proper bathroom conversation? "Hey Brian you're really peeing a lot did you drink a lot of water?"

We walked out of the bathroom barely alive. No it wasn't the smell from the farts the guy was dropping it was from the uptight statement the guy made. It's people like him that make me wish I lived in Northern California or Massachusetts. San Diego has a lot of religious conservative fucks. The last thing I need in my life is to be taking a piss while in a conversation and have some religious cock sucker come out and give me his opinion when I wasn't asking for it. Doesn't he know that's what blogs are for?!?! God!!!

gso

How to Suck a Cock or Candy Cane (Video)

2006-10-22T12:11:00.000-07:00

Learning new things is a key ingredient to being successful and happy in life. In this 11 second video tutorial I'll show you the lost art of Candy Cane sucking. Impress your mom and dad, friends even co-workers as you deep throat a 9 inch fruit flavored candy cane.

gso

Herbie Love

2006-10-20T21:36:00.000-07:00

What I love about my dog Herbie aka Bubbas, Bubbles, Schnauzer Boy & Uncle.

Watching him sleep (He looks like a little bean all rolled up)

The way he smells (Like dirt and baby kittens)

Playing with him (He bites my arms cause I put them in his mouth)

The way he drinks water (He makes these massive gulping sounds. He then has water dripping from his beard)

Taking him for walks (everytime he goes on a walk he has this energy and happiness all over his face. I should know because I can read dog's faces!)

Coming home from somewhere have it be 5 minutes or 5 hours. (He acts like I've been gone forever. He howls and jumps up on me)

How he lives for the moment. (He obviously doesn't think of the future really so whatever he is doing he loves doing it right then and there. Herbie doesn't get bored because he knows something better is coming up.)

How he speaks (I'll say "Herbie Speak!!!" He lets out this big howl it's so fucking cute)

Loner (It's funny because almost every dog I see in at the dog park wants to be with the other dogs. Not Herbie! He walks around the dog park by himself. )

Giving him treats (He'll stop whatever he is doing if I offer him a treat. He'll go from being a brat to doing whatever I say if he knows I have a treat for him.)

stubbornness (He really does things on his own terms. He'll come only if he knows he's getting something for coming. Gee that sounds a lot like someone else I know :P )

Whines (He walk around the apartment with his toy in his mouth whining so someone will play with him or give him attention.)

His body (It's like a mix of little man with a muscular walk. Does that make any sense ha ha )

Kisses (He very rarely gives kisses but when he does they are so sweet. God I really sound like a homosexual on this entry)

Intuition (If I'm upset or if Emily & I are fighting he instinctively knows what to do. He lays his head down on my lap and looks up at me)

I'll leave with that. It's Friday so I have an excuse for writing about Herbie. You guys won't see this til Monday anyway so I have 3 more days to amend it so that I look more manly!

Gregg

My 48 Fears + Video

2006-10-19T15:25:00.000-07:00

Things I Fear...

Flying in an airplane
Dark meat chicken
HIV/AIDS
Cancer
Testicle tumors
Bums/Homeless People
Herbie Dieing
Giving in/Not being stubborn
Giving speeches in front of a large group of people at work
Dieing
Anxiety
Drowning/Water
Heights
Door Handles/Germs
Trying new foods
Not having control
going pooh with someone in the next stall
going pee with someone right next to me
Rollercoasters/rides
Not being the center of attention
Approaching strangers
Sharing food or drink with someone else
Getting fat
Women's vaginas
Needles
Doctors
Vomiting
Someone will hack my website
Going to new places that are more than 200 miles from home
Bills/Money
Staying hard during sex
Being normal/average
Interviews
Getting in trouble
Going to prison
Tap water
Getting jumped
Leaving the door unlocked
Sleeping in silence
Being without the internet
Being without a cell phone
Fear
Having to physically defend myself
Knives
Tacs
Downtowns
Emily when she is in a bad mood
Antibacterial soap

What are you afraid of?

gso

White Meat Chicken vs. Dark Meat Chicken

2006-10-18T18:29:00.000-07:00

Like Todd Berry says "I love chicken. I would eat chicken fingers on Thanksgiving if it were socially acceptable." What are chicken fingers made of? White meat chicken! Coming from Massachusetts where it seems everyone eats white meat chicken then coming to California where everyone eats any color chicken. I think the main difference between the states and the color chicken they eat is a cultural difference. In Massachusetts it's mostly whites, blacks & a few of everything else. In California it seems like it's mostly whites, Mexicans and Asians. Mexicans & Asians eat every freaking part of the chicken yucky!!!

The people that like dark meat chicken say its juicer and has more flavor. I say fucking ewww. Chicken meat when eaten was meant to be eaten as white meat! Why would McDonalds, Wendy's aka Freckle Bitches & Burger King all use only white meat chicken in their chicken products. It looks cleaner, it tastes better & it comes from the best part of the chicken...The breast! What person doesn't like chewing on a breast of meat. Dark meat looks dirty and really turns me off in a major way. It's kind of like dropping some white meat chicken in a bucket of chewing tobacco spit juice then cooking it and eating it.

The other advantage that white meat chicken has over dark meat chicken is with white meat you don't have to deal with nearly as many bones. I can't eat chicken or any meat for that matter on the bone (that goes for you to boys!!!) To me that's like eating an animal while it's alive. I like my meat to be processed so much that it looks nothing like an animal. Make my meat into some ridiculous star or into a circle so I can place it between two buns. Bones are also bad because you can choke and die. I'd hate to have to die from choking to death on a chicken bone. What a way to go. One minute you're enjoying your third date with that sweet young girl from arithmetic class @ KFC eating chicken wings and the next your laying in a casket at a funeral home while everyone stares at your decomposing body.

The last and best advantage white meat chicken has over dark meat chicken is the health benefits. White meat has less fat and is lower in calories. For us overweight Americans less fat in our diet means more energy to do the things we love like going to the movies to see the latest Jessica Simpson flick, eating buttery popcorn with extra salt, sucking down a few cold brews (Red Trolley's) & downloading music from some cool bit torrent site.

So why not join the Gregg Shane Train and turn white meat chicken into the only meat you ingest! Frank Purdue wasn't selling chicken breasts for nothing. He was doing it because he wanted us all to live the American dream and enjoy white meat chicken together with our family and friends. Say no to proposition 86 by banning dark meat chicken forever!

lovingly yours,
gregory shane o'connell

How to Wash Fruit

2006-10-17T17:50:00.000-07:00

Let's take a poll: Who washes their fruit before they eat it? I do! Unless it's a b-a-n-a-n-a (thx Gwen) or an orange. Do you know how many pesticides, chemicals, human waste & fruit fly larvae are on that NON-organic apple? Fuck! Probably like 775 pesticides, chemicals, human waste & fruit fly larvae! That's a lot of crap on that "healthy" snack that you're about to ingest. Organic fruits and veggies are just as bad. Those have human fece hands and those annoying fruit flies!

There's 3 ways to clean that tasty heavily tainted treat. One way to get some of those dirty nasty things off your "nature treat" is to run that piece of fruit/vegetable under the sink with water. This like I said gets "some" of the bad boys off your produce. You may die in 20 years from the chemicals still being on there but you're fruit will be nice and wet!

Another way to get that produce wiped clean of devilish things is to clean it with Palmolive. Yes Palmolive! The same Palmolive that mom used to wash last nights meatloaf off of grandpa's dish. The same Palmolive that's tough on dishes but soft on your hands! What you do is squirt a little Palmolive on your fruit/veggie and massage it in like you were massaging that kink out of your husbands neck after a late night of rough housing in the sack. After the soap is all suds rinse it off under the sink very well until all you smell is that fresh Palmolive smell. Now you might be saying "but Palmolive is also a chemical. Isn't this like stealing from Peter to give to Paul?" Yes and no, let me explain. The chemicals found in Palmolive are not known to kill you. So go ahead wash that fruit with Palmolive and make it sparkle like that new wine glass!

The last and probably most healthy way to clean fruit is by using Veggie Wash. It's an all natural made from "organic citrus" veggie/fruit wash. It also cleans cutting boards and other food surfaces. Here's how you use it

"Firm produce should be sprayed thoroughly with Veggie Wash, rubbed with the hand for 20-30 seconds, and then rinsed thoroughly with water before eating."

Wow that sounds really easy and fun! Who knew cleaning fruit could be so in depth! There are so many ways to go about trying to not go deaf, blind & dumb from those pesky chemicals on the fruit. I feel safer just knowing that one day my body will be intact thanks to the men and women who created Veggie Wash & Palmolive! Thanks guys!

gso :)

Confessional Like a Catholic

2006-10-16T18:06:00.000-07:00

I'm not Catholic I'm Protestant so I never went to CCD or confessional. I guess I'm probably lucky by not being Catholic because of all those sexual abuse cases from the Priests. Today I thought since I never did confessional that I'd do one today to get some things off my chest. So here goes!

When I was 11 years old I used to go to this convenient store called B&J's in good ole Brockton, MA with my friends. Well back in 1991 tiny little crappy stores didn't have surveillance cameras. Also back then they still had the same stupid moronic cashiers as they do today. So me and my friends would go to the candy aisle and fill our pockets up with gum and candy bars. I don't even think we'd even buy one thing when we were in there either which is weird. Who the fuck goes into a convenient store and looks at the stuff and doesn't buy anything. When you go into a convenient store you're purposely going in there to get some specific because you don't feel like going into a supermarket. When we'd walk out of the store with our pockets filled up I had the biggest rush of adrenaline. I felt like such a cool rebel dude for stealing candy. We did this the whole summer of 5th grade going into 6th. I don't know if this is any coincidence but B&J's is no longer in business.?!?!?

I'd like to confess that everything I said I was sick before school I really wasn't. I just didn't want to go. I wanted to stay in my room and play video games. God that sounds a lot like someone I know today. Did you ever go to school and there was a kid who didn't miss a day all year? Then you'd also have the kid who didn't miss a day for the entire time they attended the school. It was always the kid who was a dork and socially inept. Thank God I had an older brother and sister otherwise I might've been that kid who is socially weird and doesn't consume alcohol.

The last thing I'd like to confess is I'd like to say sorry to those girls I slept with that I gave the impression that I may have liked you. There are like 37 girls I wish I had never slept with. The one that gave me crabs & the one I got pregnant that got an abortion are just two of the losers I slept with that I wish I hadn't. Sorry ladies for the mixup it was just Willy Wonka talking!

Jesus/God I hope you forgive me for my mishaps and fuckups. I haven't been perfect and the stubbornness I have is surely one of my downfalls as a human (atleast according to other females)
I hope the love I show towards animals will get me into heaven. Just watch me with my dog. I'll most definitely win you over with the respect and love I show him. God bless you God & Jesus!

gso

P.S. My people feel free to confess something that may put you in grave danger of getting into heaven!!! Or just tell me I'm lame and my blog sucks! Either one works and will make me feel wanted and loved.

The Great Pumpkin Ghost

2006-10-15T20:47:00.000-07:00

Horror movies are usually ridiculous but they do the job of scaring us very well. If the movie is scary enough people will tell their fat head friends about it. This makes for good word of mouth publicity. Well I'm trying to create the same thing here except this isn't a horror movie it's real and it can kill you. Let me save your life...please!

You're probably saying "Gregg what the fuck are you talking about?" I'm talking about the dreaded infamous unknown killer "Pumpkin Ghost" Do you know how many people have choked and died while sucking on a mouthful of salty pumpkin seeds? Cause I don't know...

The pumpkin ghost feeds on mini-schnauzer dogs and humans. Once eaten by the Pumpkin Ghost you become a ghost yourself. You not only spend eternity as a ghost but also are stuck behind the Pumpkin Ghost in ever single photo taken of the Pumpkin Ghost. It's a sad reality but it's one reality that we as a society must live with. It's sad but true. It's hard but it's fair. It's tough but that's life.

There is only one way to protect yourself from the Pumpkin Ghost. Teenagers are the only ones that can defeat him. They pick him up and hold him above their heads then smash him to the ground. He must break into multiple pieces or else he will haunt your dreams forever!!!

Also don't even try to create your own Pumpkin Ghost because I'll sue your ass for copyright infringement! Even though I didn't carve him or create him. I'll sue you for enough to get the new Playstation 3 & Nintendo Wii and a few of the games!

So this Halloween when you are trick or treating or if you're just looking to raise some hell smash every pumpkin you see and send me the photo of it. I'll post it on my website so our society can sleep a little better at night knowing that their is one less killer off the streets.

Pumpkin Ghost photoset

Thanks & God Bless you all!
Now go do your part!
gso

Don't Drink The Water

2006-10-14T16:47:00.000-07:00

For all of you that work in an office you know what goes on around the water cooler. Some water coolers contain clean fresh cold spring water and others contain cold filtered tap water. Conversations of who you can't stand and who can't stand you. Telling tales of the sexually explicit things you did the night before with your boyfriend or girlfriend. Some people even go to the water cooler as an excuse to stop working. I know I've done that a few times.

The other things that go down at the water cooler are people actually getting water to drink. This brings us to the topic at hand and that is "Water Cooler Germs". The correct way to get water from the water cooler is using a cup and not letting the tap hit any part of the cup. What most people use and do to get water is they use a water bottle that they have previously drank from. They put the tap inside the bottle and fill it up. This is fucking disgusting and thus stopped me from getting water from my workplace water cooler. Think of all the unnecessary germs that are spreading into society. This is one major reason that people at work get others sick. What if some guy/girl was blowing some guy the night before and the blowee had an STD. The blower then used her water bottle at the company water cooler and filled it up. You're basically blowing the guy too since you both are using the same water tap.

Help me stop workplace water cooler germs by using a cup and not a bottle. I really don't like thinking I kissed your 62 year old hairy overweight smelly husband just because I drank a little water from the cooler. If you insist on using a bottle then wash the damn thing with Palmolive. No one wants to share your herpes from your upper lip.

gso

Hairy Belly Syndrome

2006-10-13T10:07:00.000-07:00

Who doesn't love a hairy belly? Well it seems like a lot of people don't. Girls & guys especially!

As some of you know I have a hairy belly. I am also very very white. When you mix those two things together you have a recipe for disgusting! Well this is what everyone says to me that sees my nude stomach.

When I was a younger Gregg like pre-pubescent era I didn't have a hair on my hairless body. Then puberty hit me at the age of 12. My voice changed to sound more manly and I was growing hair in places that Asian people only dream about! My belly hair started off really simple and cute. I had the "pleasure trail". You know the trail that goes from the top of your stomach to the area down south where all the fun happens. I had this pleasure trail for a good 7 years. Then all of the sudden I began growing hair on the sides of my belly and some more on my chest, nipples, etc. Thank God none grew on my back. George "The Animal" Steele syndrome was not in my future.

I remember the first two people to make fun of my "hairy belly" were my brother and sister. They would say how disgusting it looked. Once I moved out of my mom's house I was safe from the teasing at least I thought. Along comes Zdenek "Terry Honda" Janda. I go tan apartment with him and his wife Cathy Janda when I was 21. Zdenek would call me a hairy gorilla. I never cried but sometimes I just wanted to lay underneath my bed with the dirty pots and pans and sulk.

Then one day last year out of the blue I decided to shave all my belly and chest hair with an electric razor. This worked splendidly. I felt like I had a new lease on life. My stomach looked like a new belly. It was pure white. The kind of white that everyone likes their chicken to look like or their teeth (you choose). I only shaved it once and my roommate Erica at the time thought it was kind of freaky and almost more disgusting then with hair.

I've since let the hair grow back in. This brings me to last night. I had just finished working out at the gym and I was all hot and bothered. I took my shirt off and decided before I took a shower I would play a game of Uno on my Xbox 360. Well when you play Uno if you have a Xbox camera you can see the other people. The people I was playing with could see my hairy belly. I stood up to go get something and when I did this they had a point blank view of my stomach. In unison I hear "Ewwwww that's fucking gross man don't ever do that to us again!" I'm like what's wrong? They go "you're stomach is really really hairy and to make matters worse it's super white. Maybe if you had a tan it wouldn't look so bad but you don't." I was devastated. I get teased in real life and cyberland. I can't escape it!

I'll continue on in life with my hairy white stomach and hopefully one day society will accept it with open arms. For right now I'll continue hide it with shirts and blankets.

gso

Gay Magnet

2006-10-12T14:51:00.000-07:00

I am a gay man magnet. They've seemed to love me since I was 19 years old. When I started working in Boston in 1999 there were a bunch of gay guys in the department I was in. There was something like 10 guys in the department and literally 5 of them were gay. Back when I was 19,20,21 I totally dressed like a gay guy. I had the gay boy body. You know wicked skinny & slender. I shopped and bought only the coolest most expensive clothes I couldn't really afford.

I would always here the same stuff "oh Gregg you're totally gay and you're going to come out of the closet when you're like 40 years old watch!" The director of my department was gay too and this dude was all about me. He would send me emails saying I look good and that I was hot. Now I know how a girl feels when a guy says thing like that to her. I felt kind of violated yet strangely confident from that whole experience. I used to take the train home and one of my gay co-workers took it with me as well and he'd be saying what he would do to me if I were gay. Ha ha I was like dude that's fucking nasssssty, I don't like coooooooock!

There is this gay guy at my work now. I found out a couple of weeks ago that he has a crush on me. He went to a happy hour a couple of weeks ago because he heard I was going to be there. Well yesterday he was down by my desk so I was like "Hey Michael what's going on buddy" His face lit up like a Menorah during Hanukkah. I was totally teasing the kid and I was like "Mike you should get your seat moved behind me so that you can shower me with gifts" and he's like "Yeah that would be great except I'd shower you with love and affection" After he walked away from me he says to my co-worker "Oh I love Gregg's eyes, their so sexy!" Thank God I was sitting down or else he would've seen my big fat ass. I don't need that kind of pressure. Living up to gay men's standards is hard living.

If you're gay and your sexual preference are males then that must be the easiest way to get laid. Guys in general are slut horn bags. Now match that sex drive with another guy and you have 7 minutes of smelly dirty boy.

I've been trying to lose my "Girlfriend Comfortable Weight" as to not lose my "Gay Magnet" status that I've worked so hard for. It's not everyday that a 26 year old Massachusetts born male is hit on by gay men in San Diego while at work.

R U A MAN?

2006-10-10T23:41:00.000-07:00

That's right, the Captain's back to entertain with true stories of true shit. This one is about a 'friend' of mine and what a worthless and pitiful excuse this guy is for a dude. This dude came in to my circle of friends thru a best friend of mine. He is not like us: he is a little slow, goofy, and has no game. Still, he wasn't a total moron when I met him. Fast-forward 5 years... this dude, 'J' has allowed himself to get fat, spent 7+ years to get an AA degree, still works at the same dumb job (He's like the dude from 40yr-old virgin at the Audio/Video store) which he isn't even good at, spent a shit-load of money on his ugly girlfriend, allowed his girlfriend to cheat on him at a party at his own house...

Ohh, maybe I'll focus on this one. J's gf was in a bed with some dude at a party at his house in the spare bedroom. My boy's busted in on them and the dude said he thought the girl was single. My boy gave him 1 min. to get the fuck out the house... then J walks in and is like, "What are you doin" in his whinin voice. He didn't even do SHIT!!! And they lived together... You're thinking, what a whore right? How about, what a pansy my friend is? So, he didn't kick her out, didn't break up with her. He got humiliated, embarrassed in front of all his friends and didn't do shit.

That wasn't the only time he was done like that. This girl is always on some dude's lap at a party. In fact, she had some guy coming over to the house when J wasn't there. At his own birthday party, this dude showed up wearing a hooded sweatshirt and looking different, like he was in disguise. Lol. J’s gf was in the car with this dude for bout an hour. This went on til my best friend fronted her on it and told her that shit wasn't cool. Then she just started going to his place.

When a song came on the radio, the lyrics go..."I don't wanna know, keep it on the low...", we all turned it up and told him it's his song. The dumbass didn't even comprehend. By taking shit from whores, it only makes it worse. Now, J is whooped, she runs the relationship. She tells him if he can go out and what he can do. She is 22, he is 25! His dumbass commutes to a school 1 hr away cuz she didn't want to go to the same college as him, the one 10 minutes away. It sucks cuz he was decent looking before but now he is all fat with no confidence and is so hideous he caused 3 people to move out of the house due to his walking around with no shirt, showing off all the paleness and blubber.

To all guys out there: Let this shit be a lesson! If some girl works you over, work her back and fucking drop her! If you're too much of a pansy to get her back, still kick her to the curb. No woman is worth this type of humiliation and degradation to mere shit on the street like my friend is. Another thing, if you are moron and you have intelligent friends, listen to them. But what can you expect from a dude whose brother is a traffic-crossing guard at a Indian casino, sister was a stripper, cousin's wife cheated on him with his dad, and basic slowness runs in the family?

The Launch Day Bug

2006-10-10T18:44:00.000-07:00

It comes every 5 or so years a new video game system hits the market. Well almost exactly a month from now Playstation 3 and Nintendo Wii launch. This is the kind of stuff I live for. I don't go to bars and get cocked. I spend my money on technology. Technology is my vice!

Playstation 3 hits the market November 17. I bought the first Playstation and I thought it was pretty good. It introduced me to games like Resident Evil which is definitely my favorite series of games. Then came Playstation 2 which I got the day it launched and I was very underwhelmed with it. Now the Playstation 3 is about to hit and I'm getting the itch. I kind of want it. I have an Xbox 360 which is one of the best most fun consoles I have ever played on. It's almost perfect! The PS3 will basically have the same games but the thought of there being a new console in the world that I don't have kind of hurts me. For someone like you to understand this (you being the 20 something female) it would be like you only having Starbucks or Dunkin Donuts coffee once every 5 years or like you only being able to have sex with one person for 5 years straight :P
The freaking PS3 costs $599 just for the system with NO GAMES!!! Too expensive so this baby will not be had on launch day unless some nice charitable organization offers me one!

The Nintendo Wii launches on November 19. This is the most likely candidate to make it onto my TV stand. This sexy thing is small, sleek and affordable at $250! I sound like Rachel Ray on $40 a day. It offers a lot of new technology like motion sensoring that never really made it to main stream gaming.

New things get me excited. It could be McDonalds coming out with Halloween shakes or the newest iPod. I'm such a nerd that I'll check the same websites like 15 times a day to see if they put up a new article. I never know what I'm going to miss! I can't have something going under my nose.

Keep me informed! With your lives and my loves!

gso

Part II: High School Love & Lust (Isa)

2006-10-09T20:42:00.000-07:00

Isa is Portuguese and she was born in Portugal (Bill). I've known Isa since elementary school. She starting attending John F. Kennedy Elementary in Brockton, MA with me in 3rd grade. I had known her but didn't really talk to her during Elementary school. We both attended different junior highs so it wasn't until English class in 9th grade that we really started talking. Freshmen year we had a couple of classes together Spanish, English & Science I think?!?!

Well like I said in my last post she had her friend Susana call me and find more info about me. That planned back fired but she continued to stay in contact with me and even got closer to me since I was dating one of her best friends. Isa and I shared the love of Nirvana. Our relationship was definitely connected by music. After I broke up with Susana I still continued to keep in touch with Isa and in 10th grade we became an item.

Also at this time period I had really bad social anxiety. I can remember one time she invited me to her sisters birthday party and I brought along 2 of my friends. Well I was so anxious that when we got to her apartment building I began throwing up. I started gagging on my on puke and couldn't breathe. I thought I was going to die!!! We stayed at the party for like 1 hour and we went home. I felt like such a loser. It seemed every time I went to her house I'd be very anxious thereafter.

Isa and I both attended 2 of my favorite concerts I had ever went to. The first one was my first concert ever. Foo Fighters. We both were huge Foo Fighters fan. They played at the Strand in Providence, RI. The show was incredible. It had a ton of energy and Dave Grohl was rocking so hard it gave me a slight boner :P. The second show we went to was the 1998 WBCN River Rave. She got us front row for the whole show because she knew one of the bouncers. We saw Scott Weiland when he was solo, The Offspring, Semisonic & Green Day it was awesome.

At that time she was the perfect girlfriend for me even though we verbally fought a lot. Ha ha everyone that knows me must be in shock by hearing that I verbally fought with an exgf. She was into everything I liked. We'd play video games, go fishing, listen to the same tunes & liked the same foods.

One time when we were seniors we decided to leave school early so a few hours before it was time to go home we walked out the front door. Well one of the teachers saw us so by that time we were in the car and started driving off. The teacher tried stopping us by standing in front of the car but we took off anyway. He got her license plate and got her info from the registry. We ended up getting suspended for 5 days! It was awesome because those 5 days off from school didn't count as absences so it was basically a week off from school.

We graduated in 1998 and we were still boyfriend & girlfriend. That summer she was going to Portugal like she always did every summer. She started acting weird towards me and didn't return phone calls and stuff. Well the day before she was about to leave I got in touch with her and she was crying. I was like what's wrong? She wouldn't tell me. She ended up telling me that she wanted to breakup and that she had sent me a letter saying she wanted to breakup. I was so devastated. I began crying like crazy over the phone. Isa has the distinction of being the very first girl to make me cry. She was also the very first girl I fell in love with.

Since high school we've only been in touch off and on. The last I heard from her was she bought a house with her boyfriend and was happy with him. She's a really cool girl and I wish her the best in life.

High School Love and Lust, The End.

gso

Single Boston Girl Seeks Mate

2006-10-07T21:18:00.000-07:00

27 year old single white female born in Massachusetts seeks young white male 18 years up. It doesn't matter if you still live at home, don't have a job, smoke cigarettes, drink a little too much or if you don't take care of yourself. If you can breathe, speak English & don't eat anything out of the usual American diet than you're a winner!

post a comment with your email address and she will find you and eat you alive! No purchase necessary valid in 48 states excluding Hawaii & Alaska (sorry guys)

gso

Part II: High School Love & Lust (Susana)

2006-10-05T20:25:00.000-07:00

You guys have probably been foaming at the mouth waiting for part two of my High School story series. The last one about anxiety probably had a couple lonely tears falling out of your tear ducts. Well I'll keep the tears coming except these one will hopefully be tears of joy and excitement!

It's Freshmen year 1994-1995. I have this friend in class named Isa. She's Portuguese and from Portugal. Well without my knowledge Isa has a full blown crush on me. So the way she goes about seeing if I'm single and interested in her is she has a friend named Susana (also Portuguese but from another high school) call me to find some more info on me. Susana calls my house one night as a prank phone call at least that's what she tells me. I end up talking to her for a bit. I thought she was just pranking random people and happened to come upon my number and to make matters more random she and I both have the same friend Isa. Well the plan back fires on Isa and Susana who was a total flirt ends up hitting it off with me. Susana ends up becoming my girlfriend. Here's where things get really dirrrrrrty.

One day Susana comes over my house to hangout with me her boyfriend :P. We start making out and like the sexual pro I was and still am I put my hands up her shirt and begin massaging her breasts. This is the first time I had ever felt God's magnificent gift to boys. Now from what I had seen in magazines I really thought boobs would feel kind of hard and really firm. Well Susana had pretty big boobs especially for a 9th grader and her boobs were pretty soft. It was quite a strange feeling for me because like I said I expected the complete opposite.

Susana had pretty strict parents. She couldn't really ever come out and hang. Plus since we both were only like 14 years old we didn't have our drivers licenses. I remember the first time she came over my house my mom had to drive her home with me in the car. Talk about awkward?!?!

After like 3 months of dating I find out Susana who has this friend Dan who was like 18 years old ends up hooking up with her. Isn't that statutory rape?!?! I was a little broken hearted but nothing major. I only put like 3 razor slits on my wrist. I'm still alive that's the good news.

To all my young men fans who haven't had the pleasure of resting your head on a girls chest or had the rush of blood to your other brain from massaging a pair of breasts keep your head up. It'll happen in due time. Keep chugging alone and maybe some ugly lonely girl with no confidence will come along and let you play with her fun bags. Better yet maybe some hot young drunk chick will be so drunk she'll hook up with you. Just remember they really do feel like balloons filled with sand. Plus the more persistent you are the more you will get in life. Let the girl in completely in your head and heart so when she breaks your heart you can write that emo record you've been dieing to write. Feel like shit for a few months and then make millions its a formula that's proven to work just look at me!

High School Love & Lust ain't over yet. Find out tomorrow who my other love interests were and what sexual antics we did!

gso

Part I: High School Anxiety

2006-10-04T20:44:00.000-07:00

I can still remember sitting in the auditorium at Brockton High School in September of 1994 with the principal of the school saying to us "your 4 years here at Brockton High will fly by. Before you know it you will be in graduating" I was thinking to myself "No way school seems like forever and ever" In what seemed like no time at all it was June of 1998 and I was graduating. Damn that fucking principal was right!

Thinking back to high school now seems like it was so long ago. All the people I went to school with and the friends I made I basically have no contact with now. High School was pretty rough for me. I went to school that at one time was the biggest high school east of the Mississippi. There were like 3,000 kids there and I really felt like a small fish in a huge pond.

I had really bad anxiety problems in 9th and 10th grade. So bad that I would barely ever leave my house unless it was to school. Even when I went to school I would be so nervous and wound up I would almost always feel nauseous and throw up. It was a really weird time in my life. I wish at the time I had gone on anti-depressant medication in order to deal with my social anxiety. I would just sit in my room and play video games and listen to Nirvana. I was a fucking mess. If I even dared to step foot out of my house my heart would start racing and I'd feel dizzy and nauseous. I barely ate anything during high school because I was scared I was going to throw up and make a fool of myself in front of everyone. I got so bad at one point I only weighed 125 lbs and I was 5'10. It was pretty nuts!

The final 2 years of high were not that bad anxiety wise. I mean I would have moments of anxiousness like when I had to talk in front of the class. But otherwise 11th & 12th grade were pretty smooth.

Kids if you have anxiety issues go talk to someone like a doctor. At the time I really felt like I was the only one in the world who had anxiety problems. It wasn't until I was an adult did I later find out practically everyone has had or does have anxiety issues. It's just a matter of learning how to deal with the issue head on and not be too afraid to try and do something about it.

High School Stories: To Be Continued:
Next: Part II - High School Love & Lust

gso

My Penis Has A First Name...

2006-10-03T18:18:00.000-07:00

Like the Oscar Meyer Bologna commercial goes "my bologna has a first name its O-S-C-A-R..."
Well most guys give their penis's first names.

I've always half joked about names for mine "Herman", "Dinky", "Stanley" & "Willy Wonka". Giving your cock-a-doodle-doo a name is a joke all guys can enjoy because as guys and girls know men's penis's have a mind of their own and they deserve their very own names. It's like having a second brain attached to your body with its own thoughts, opinions, feelings, wants & needs. You need to feed him the energy he needs with food, he needs to be groomed and cleaned. He needs to be protected from the evil in the world because he doesn't want to get sick and die. To keep him in tip top shape he needs to have fun by meeting and playing with new friends.

I'm not the only one who has given their penis a name. Macaulay Culkin calls his "Floyd". "Floyd" sounds like a wonderful name for a penis. It makes me think its fast, flacid & flexible. 3 adjectives girls/guys love. If a girl/guy were to ask your penis's name and you said "Floyd" your partner will most likely get wildly aroused and be ready to fornicate in mere seconds.

Just like a rocket, a sex pistol, a meat wrench, thrill drill or whatever else you may call your penis if it works and its healthy than share it with the rest of the world. Don't let it go to waste because by the time you hit 60 years old it may not work at all without the help of Viagra. Be strong, stand tall & free it like that whale Willy in the ocean. Keep it safe, protect it, care for it because once it's gone it's gone forever!

gso

My Celebrity Look-A-Likes

2006-10-02T16:35:00.000-07:00

Ok so the photo of me isn't the best. I look like a fucking dweeb but it's a closeup and it shows off my $100 smile. So I guess I look like a Jew (Ben Stiller), an afro-american (Usher), Hispanic (Julio Iglesias) & a WWE wrestler (Shawn Michaels)

Last Day of 30 Posts in 30 Days

2006-09-30T21:43:00.000-07:00

When this all began 30 days ago I was thinking to myself "what can I do that will challenge me mentally and physically?" I got it! 30 posts in 30 days! Well this is probably the first time in my life where I set a semi lengthy goal for myself and I succeeded!

I'm now a person all kids can look up to and try to aspire to be. I'm officially a role model. Kids can now say to their parents, teachers & friends "I want to be the next Gregg O'Connell". He doesn't drink, smoke or do drugs. He writes good music, is funny, good looking, sweet, kind, giving, selfish, amazing, weird & straight. He's the person I dream to be one day! Kids get your parents credit card and order your Gregg O'Connell t-shirts ASAP. Christmas is around the corner so don't be the only kid on your block without this "wicked cool" t-shirt.

A lot happened this month from having to give advice to a college kid "Tom Jordan", I made 2 videos, I gave a ride to a hitchhiker that smelled like pee and cigarettes, I wrote about a girl that has to be naked to go pooh, I wrote about a girl that got stomach aches from blow jobs, etc...

It was hard and kind of aggravating to force myself to write every single say. Some days I would forget I had to write. I'd be in bed and be like "Fucking shit I have to write in my damn blog" but I ended up sticking to my psychotic plan and I succeeded just like George Bush did when he stole the 2000 election.

Tomorrow will be first day off in 30 days and I'm going to enjoy it. I'm going to sniff a little Coca Cola from the table and I'll do some laundry. So enjoy the most holy day of the week.

Love the best blogger on the internet,

Gregg

I Love...

2006-09-29T22:14:00.000-07:00

I love Herbie
I love Emily
I love my family
I love candy
I love video games
I love water
I love HDTV
I love Stowie
I love my friends
I love music
I love Bravo
I love white rice & soy sauce
I love Asian people
I love pizza
I love cheeseburgers
I love fries
I love filet mignon
I love apples
I love oranges
I love my blog
I love my iPod
I love warm showers
I love Autumn
I love Massachusetts
I love San Diego
I love processing transfers
I love life
I love love

gso