You know what aggravates me are these military marriages that happen between young 20 somethings. I never was around military people until I moved to San Diego. A couple things you notice when you move to San Diego is everyone here is from somewhere else and all the people that are in their 20's and are married are married to someone in the military. It makes me laugh when I meet these young married couples in their early 20's b/c they actually think their relationships are going to last forever! A good example is to go on myspace and search San Diego / Females 18-26 and you'll find a ton of woman that are married to military men. In these women's profiles you will find very provacative photos & all their friends are guys that write comments relating to how sexy they are and blah blah blah. These woman shouldn't be married b/c they are way too young to settle down. They are still at that stage in their life where they want guys attention and are super insecure so they flaunt their sex appeal for compliments. Their husbands don't give them the attention they really need b/c the guys are too immature and haven't been in enough relationships to realize how to make a woman happy. Shit, I'm 25 and I'm still learning from every relationship how to make a woman happy.The question stands why do these military guys and girls get married? Simple! The guys get married because they feel they are grown ups and are ready for anything especially since they are in the military and have been around the world, etc... The girls get married because they think its romantic to marry someone in the military. (i.e. WWII Love Stories) They think they are ready for a family and to settle down.
I hear these stories and see these marriages and I say to myself it's only a matter of time before they are a statistic and the marriage is over ending in divorce.
If you have lived or do live in San Diego presently you know what I mean and if you don't then you are blind!
Gregg
27 comments:
i think it's romantic to marry a military man cause probably he'll die. that's really romantic plus then you're rid of him
plus you'll get his life insurance policy..you're always thinking!
ok I see what you're saying. That basically the young/stupid marriages mostly happen with the newly enlisted and not the officers.
Good point!
My best friends sister got married and pregnant before her husband left for war so that if he died, she and their child would be set for life and she wouldn't have to work. AKA Life insurance... And I'm sure it's romantic and stuff too...
that sounds pretty romantic.
how old are they?
dude, thats a bit off base, you sound a bit bitter, i dont think all these young couples have an ill intent, but are experiencing life,you dont get there without trying, maybe u should marry a military man in san diego,
Dr Steve
www.sjlproductions.net
I don't think Gregg is saying these young couples have ill intent. He's just saying that these couples are too young therefore it makes them immature, unrealistic, unprepared and too hasty to really make a relationship work long-term. I think relationships are really great, but they are also a lot of work and they take a lot of compromise and patience. To me a relationship is not going to work if a girl is so concerned with the male attention she gets from men other than her husband. There's nothing wrong with wanting and getting that attention, for someone who is SINGLE. But that's why you WAIT to get married until you're really ready to commit!
Gregg,
Hmmmmm lots of marriages fail all over the US. The military do sometimes get married for the wrong reasons. But military life is always not so easy either. They do have the added dissadvantage of deployment, moving, and so on. For example I am in the Marine Corps stationed in Japan. This is mostly a unaccompied tour which means married or not you are coming here alone. It is hard on realationships being away for 2 years. I think you have never been in the military and don't have a basis to base your comments. Also I am getting married to a Japanese woman who majors in college for international realations. I am on my second enlistment and am a Cpl in the Marine Corps. Oh yeah I am 22. Sorry for the mis-spellings
Adam,
my comment on military marriages is general point and obviously doesn't apply to all marriages.
You are right I haven't been in the military nor would I ever want to be but the marriages I have seen that are military related since I've moved out to San Diego seem to have cracks and holes that seem bigger than the marriages that are unmilitary related. I think it has alot to do with these kids getting married at such a young age. Marriages that are not military related are seemingly happening in couples that are in their late 20's/30's.
Gregg
Good point. The general rule is everyone that lives near military bases dislike military because the masses do a lot of stupid things but areas where no bases are around love us lol. Well I was wondering do you work with marriage in someway?
I'm not married yet (thank God haha).
I've worked with and have met many young people that are married and affiliated with the military thats how I am such an expert =P
Gregg
P.S.
how did you find my site?
googles blogger search. I think I will add your pod cast. I would like to start my own sometime.
oh cool =)
ya podcasting is easy stuff! if you need help lemme know.
Gregg
gregg@greggoconnell.com
well greg i don't live in san diego but i am married to a marine in havelock north carolina...( cherry point) and i some what agree on your marriage views. BUT that doesn't apply to all military marriages. Maybe before you put down marriage you should ask these as you would say "young 20's" what they were thinking. i am sure 7 out of 10 couples did it for the right reasons.... girls like squishy81 obviously married for the wrong reasons. you don't marry someone so you can get health benefits... i dont know if i could with with my self knowing that i mooch off of a man that i just married for his health benefits.... she will be a divorce statistic. email me at tonimitchell05@yahoo.com for you comment i doubt i will ever visit this site again
I honestly doubt 7 out of 10 military marriages are for the right reasons. The majority of these marriages happen for better pay, health benefits and easier housing.
Do you honestly think these couples if they were together without being in the military would get married?
I bet 9 out 10 would not be getting married!
Gregg
You are making inaccurate conclusions from accurate observations. Most military marriages dont happen for the benefits. Rather to continue the relationship. Like you said most of the people in San Diego that are married to military personnel arent from there. Marriage is seen by younger soldiers as the only way to keep the relationship together. I only get little more than a hundred dollars extra a month for housing pay for being married and right now another extra $150 for being seperated from my wife.
Its not always that these young military guys dont know what it takes to keep their spouse happy, rather they simply dont have the time or the oppourtunity I've been in the Army for 5 years and spent 3 of it oversea's and the 9 months in between my last deployment, I was overworked and was on call 24/7.
Instead of being smug about it you should think about the strain that military life puts on people (not everyone some people barely have jobs ie. finance specialists, dental technitions etc)and be thankful that someone else was dumb enough to sign up to do it instead of you.
By the way go Army! I am tired of being stop lossed.
I agree that people in the military do get married at a young age, and some do it for the wrong reasons. Believe me, i myself have seen it since my bf is in the army and hes only 21 and about 90% of his friends, who are also around his age, have babies and/or married. I think thats why i avoided the whole marriage thing b/c of the typical military stereotypes that people make(like doing it for the money,health benifits, and so on..)I've been with him for 2 and a half years and its been tough but i think it has only made us stronger, and im finally considering in getting married and not worrying about what OTHERS think. More power to us that do it for the right reasons.
~God Bless
Sounds to me like Gregg is a bit bitter and jealous because he can't find anyone to marry his sappy ass. Military life does make the average young individual grow up faster than normal. Thus, taking on added responsibilities that include marriage. While the average 20 year old is worried about how he/she is going to obtain beer for the next frat party the rest of us are off in far away lands fighting for freedom. A bumper sticker I once saw on a military fathers vehicle summed it up. It read "While your son is off partying in college mine is off fighting for his right to do so". But anyway back the marriages. Would you agree that a 20 year old military member is much more mature and responsponsible than a 20 year old college kid? I would hope so, if not you need to get alittle more and see the big picture. I have plenty of young Marines in my unit that are leading happy marriages and some even with children. Maybe someday you'll stop feeling sorry for yourself and some unlucky lady will say "yes".
Sincerely,
30 yr. old happily married Marine for the past 11 years.
First I want to acknowledge your comment made to the previous poster, "The majority of these marriages happen for better pay, health benefits and easier housing." First off I want to inform you that military members DO NOT get more pay for being married, and if you call living in a hotel for several days to several months and easier way of getting housing then your views are very jaded! As a military wife, I find it very offensive that you are basing your opinions on a "few" married couples, actually I would like to know EXACTLY how many marriages you are basing that opinion on. I too live in San Diego and I am surrounded by healthy stable marriages. Now, I won't disagree that some young couples do rush into a "military marriage" but you are left with the decision of being away from that person for years, or get married, and I think THAT is where the problem comes in. They are so in love at the time that they are afraid to let the other person go. With that said, while some military marriages may be quite unstable, they are also MUCH MORE stable than the "non military marriage". I say this because we are faced with stresses that the average person does not have to deal with, such as, distance from family, deployments, long term physical separation, frequent moves, lack of support from non military community, and the list goes on. We struggle through those turbulent times and come out stronger.
As stated by another poster, the rank of the military member does influence the situation as well, for example an Officer's Wife(such as myself) has a certain image that must be maintained(you will not see an Officer's wife plastered provocatively all over myspace).
While I may agree somewhat with your opinion, I believe the couples are just more naive, and inexperienced. I must also say that you seem somewhat bitter, maybe instead of writing a negative opinion on a matter you know very little about you should write an article thanking the military for your freedom to voice your opinion at all. I think that would be more appropriate.
Okay, this seriously made me sick. I can't believe the things some of you are saying. "it's romantic to marry a military man cause probably he'll die" are you kidding me??? Yeah, I'm one of those young girls that is with a military man. My fiance is in the Marines but I would NEVER say that I was with him for the monetary befits... did you ever think there was a thing called love, commitment, and support?? A military person's support comes from their loved ones back home. Every letter I got while he was in basic had him telling me that he wouldn't have made it without knowing I was back home waiting for him. Maybe you people shouldn't be saying these things unless you actually know what you're talking about
i am in love with a man in the Navy, and we are planning to get married soon. i am in college, and i plan to stay in college! my finace is overseas, and has been there for 2years. he has only come back home once for 2weeks. did you ever think that people in the military get married young becuase of the bond that they build with their loved one waiting on them at home? i have not cheated on him, and i never will! and i trust him with all of my heart! we have a stronget bond than most married people at the age of 30! you can not judge someone until you really know what it is like.
Hi Gregg,
I married at 20 in 1987. My husband, like myself was active duty at the time. It's 21 years later, and here are my thoughts on young military marriages:
My oldest son joined the Navy at 17 this summer. Now 18, he has talked of getting married to someone he's never met in person.
My 20 year old daughter is leaving tomorrow for Oceanside to meet her boyfriend (Navy Corpsman) stationed in Oceanside. They plan on getting married in Las Vegas on New Year's Day. Neither his parents, nor my husband and I support this decision.
There is a sense of what is romantic versus was is reality. These two kids, and they are kids; make no mistake about that, have done nothing to prevent their marriage from becoming a statistic. The chance that their marriage will succeed is minimal at best.
While as a mom, I am in agony over this impending diaster, I find myself playing Devil's advocate:
What if this kid deploys and KIA?
I believe that this is a reason (since the beginning of Desert Storm) for these infant marriages. Do they go, fearing that they may not return, never have experienced love (or their perception of "love")? Tough question to answer.
My marriage has survived many deployments, infidelity, financial crisis and emotional abuse. I lived in San Diego for many years and experienced first hand the struggle of military marriage.
I would not have chosen the lives that my two oldest children have. Being active duty (or married to someone serving)in a time of war, or any other time is not for the faint of heart. At this point, I can only pray for my children for they know not what they are doing.
Mel
greg,
i really think you need to mind what you say.. i dont know who died and left you in charge of judging people but the last time i thought that was god's job.. you arent married nor in the military so you have no clue what military couples go through. my fiance is in the air force and has been for two years we were together 3 years before he left. we also have a child together , so i bet you are thinkin we had this baby for the better pay.. not i was going to actually have an abortion but i changed my mind and not for the pay.. now dont get me wrong some people do marry for the wrong reasons includin couples whom arent in the military but i honestly think thats none of your business.if people want to get married and divorce two years later thats their business not yours.. military families go through to much to have someone like you making your rude comments about them..i know people marry young in and out of the military but so what its none of your business whether the marriages work or not. every thing happens for a reason... people live, make mistakes, and learn from them... and to the girl that said she married for the health benefits you should be ashamed of yourself.. get a fucking job and get your own damn benefits.. and last but not least for you greg.... GET A LIFE, and get out of others...
I'm young and married to a guy in the military in north county. I can totally see where your coming from. A girl I know is getting divorced at the moment and I really don't think they should have been married to begin with. It breaks my heart to see any marriage end in divorce. Just remember there are some exceptions and you should give everyone the benefit of the doubt. I sure hope people aren't judging me with this stereotype. I'm very young yes, but I knew what i was getting into. I knew marriage would take a lot of work. I also wouldn't recommend it for most people our age, because your right, must people are just too immature and lack commitment and selflessness it takes to make a marriage. I guess I'm just asking you to keep an open mind, not all of us are part of the statistic.
-Sarah J.
Okay Greg...First of all. Join the military and be someone who would be willing to give their life for their country (without second thoughts). Then, go ahead and find someone that you love (in your case, with your outlook on life, that may be no one) and of whom loves you back, and leave them, for say, oh a year on a deployment. Wouldn't you think that, for one, you would want to marry this loved one because, well, you love them...2; you want to make sure that you're loved one is safe....after all, you're with someone knowing that you could one day be killed and leave them. I don't know about you, but if I could possibly die but there was someone in my life who was important enough to me, I'd definitely want to make sure that I could offer all I could for them. That's what you call UNCONDITIONAL LOVE.
And squishy81: Really? Do you not have a heart or conscience for doing that? That is the most terrible thing that you can do. Your marriage is going to be a part of a statistic because you're probably going to whore around on your 'husband' because you didn't marry him for love, but for money and benefits.
And yes, I am 20 years of age and I am currently dating someone who is in the Army. His life pretty much revolves around the Army and he plans on retiring from it. In about six months he's going to have to go to NC for two additional years of training and because we LOVE each other, are planning on joining together and get married. I damn well know the consequences of marrying someone who is in the military, but my love for him is enough for me to support his dreams. Any one who is marrying for money is completely stupid. I may be young, but I'm mature enough to know how all of this works and I know that age is only a number. There have been people who are in their mid 30's who marry for money, so it's not the age Greg. It's the maturity and strength of love and faith in a relationship that binds two people together.
I have friend, 20 years of age, who was married to a Marine, 22 years of age. Though they are young, they devoted themselves to one another purely because they loved one another. She did NOT do it for the benefits of marrying a military man, but because she LOVED him. Why can't people just understand, that despite the age of some people, there are still good people in the world who are still capable of marrying for the RIGHT reasons. The saddest part of it all is that just two weeks ago he was killed fighting for your damn freedom and you know what, she is heartbroken over it. Wouldn't you think that if military marriages were just for the benefits, she wouldn't be mourning? Their story isn't the only one either. There are so many other stories out there where a widow or widower was left behind and is completely heartbroken over their spouses death. That's love. One of the strongest types of love comes froms a military marriage because each partner knows the consequences, but regardless, they take the chance.
There are more mature young human beings than you may think and more immature 'adults' as well. Take a look around you and re-evaluate society.
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