greggoconnell.com 2.0

greggoconnell.com version 1.0 has been going strong since December 2004, but it's time for a change. I'm hoping in early early February 2012 ha ha j/k it'll be 2007 I'll be changing my whole site, thus creating greggoconnell.com 2.0.

It will no longer be using blogger. The updated site will have a whole heap of new features that I can't talk about right now because my lawyer said I should keep quiet, so that if something doesn't make it on launch date, I don't get sued by you peeps!

So bear with me cause my blogs might slow down for a bit as I get the new site up and running!
For now enjoy this video of "Herbie vs. The Banana"

My Very First Psycho Fan (Video + Voicemails)

People sometimes go through life without the pleasure of having a stalker or if you're like me, a famous blogger than you have "Psycho Fans". This guy is no ordinary "Psycho Fan" he's become an obsessed "Psycho Fan". Calling my hot line 619-377-0593 at 4:00 am PST on Sundays, and expressing his undying love for the band Journey & me.

I'm sharing and promoting my first crazed fan because I feel proud. The kind of proud you feel the first time you see your puppy walk with a leash for the first time! Come feel the pride by watching the video and listening to this crazy fucker!

The Worst Short Story Ever Written by Gregg O'Connell

Cascading down the mountain side, I stopped to smell the flowers. She briefly for that moment sat in a somber state believing every word I said, "When the time is right we'll do it" I said with much vigor. She laughed it off like it was one of those times by the river when we'd touch each other's private parts until Mona started crying out in pain. I knelt down beside her like a man does when proposing to a woman "Do you really want to take this feeling of lust over love?" I asked with concern. She responded very quickly and dramatically "YES! YES!" She always had a way of easing my concerns with her gentle touch along my thigh.

I stood confused because what was once just a friendship blossomed into moments of fleeting lust for one another. "Is this the feeling all the other boys were talking about when Father Ryan would treat them to a game of doctor and patient" I asked myself. Trembling like a puppy straight out of the bath as I inched closer to her. She lay their confident and as still as a brick. Her soft skin and shiny hair baked in the sun and was warm to the touch. Inside my stomach churned like it does when eating too many of mothers cookies in one sitting.

I began sliding both my hands up her legs until I reached her upper thighs when all the sudden all I saw was black. "Did God strike me down for trying to do what only the married folks are supposed to do" I woke up 2 hours later with a bruise on my forehead the size of Colorado's country side & sweet Mona hands caressing my shoulders. "Are you alright darling" Mona said...."Why Yes..but...but I don't know what happened..." Mona went onto explain that as I got to her thighs my eyes rolled into the back of my head "pluff" I was out like a light. I felt embarrassed and ashamed that I had gone against God's word.

We never went back to the stream alone, I felt like God had made the decision for me that I wasn't yet ready for "adult matters". I took his "advice" and on my free time dedicated my life to him by spending time with Father Ryan.

I hope you enjoyed story time with me, I know I did...

gso

Yoshi: Mini Schnauzer Puppy (Video)

Yoshi if you don't know is my new Mini-Schnauzer puppy. He's now 9 weeks old and he is quite a handful. He pees and poops like he's training to be the pee and poop champion of the world. He's cuter than a 6 month year old baby and loves to eat!

As a special treat Yoshi lets you into his world. Come ground level as he explores the tasty part of my hand. The wind blowing through his hair as he runs in the living room and some of his most explicit photos ever allowed on the Internet.

3 Embarrassing Moments of My Life

1. I was 14 years old at the time and it was the beginning of me having anxiety attacks. The feeling of the anxiety attack when it would occur was the feeling of being in a dream, kind of like a 3rd person experience so it would totally freak me out. Well, I had a basketball game one night and as the game started I began to have that same kind of feeling I had "the feeling of being in a dream" so I began to freak out and I ran off the court and yelled at my mom to tell her "LET'S GO, I NEED TO LEAVE". Remember this is in the middle of a game. My mom basically starts yelling at me "GREGG DON'T TALK TO ME LIKE THAT". I'm like whatever so I just run off the court and outside. My mom follows and we leave. I felt like such a douche bag, not only because I had an anxiety attack and those are demoralizing, but also because I left the game the way I did and my mom began yelling at me. I can laugh at it now but back then I felt like such a dweeb. I wish anxiety had a face because I'd piss all over it!

2. When I was 13 I twisted my testicle and I took 1 week off from school. By the time I had return to school word got out that I had twisted my left testicle. The kids at school started saying "What's up lefty" and "Hey how are you one ball". Fucking little Junior High Bastards I hope you all go screw yourselves! Ha ha again now I can laugh at it but back then twisting your testicle and having people find out before you want them to makes you feel like "less of a man". Imagine if I had a blog back when I was in Junior High? Shit I wouldn't have written about masturbating 3 times a day and how many points I scored in the basketball game.

3. When I was 19 years old I used to work at Putnam Investments. This was also during the time of my well kept grooming stage. I used to get my eyebrows waxed and stuff like that. No, the eyebrow waxing isn't the embarrassing part. The embarrassing part is I used Nair one night to get my uni brow off. You know how after you use Nair you're supposed to clean it off really really good? Well I thought I had, but the next morning when I woke up I had this big red patch across where a uni brow would go. The good news was I didn't have a uni brow made of hair but I did now have a uni brow made of a red burn mark. I looked so freaking ridiculous. I felt like such a stupid biotch. I wanted to call in the next day but I braved the humility and the red patch was gone 5 days later.

Come on guys you must have some embarrassing moments in your lives that you're dying to share with the class today!

gso

10 Reasons To NOT Believe in God

This is really in no particular order. Enjoy it :)

1. When you die you won't be let down by not seeing God or getting into Heaven.

2. Your chances of being molested by a priest go down drastically.

3. You get to have intercourse with as many people as possible without the guilt trip of thinking the big guy upstairs wouldn't want you doing this!

4. You get 5 minutes freed up every night before you go to bed. Woohoo to 5 extra minutes of sleep!

5. Masturbate every single morning, noon & night. Right now "God" says masturbation is bad! bad! bad! so get your hands out of your pants!!!

6. You get to finally worship Satan and wear black every day!

7. No more stale pieces of bread and cranberry juice!

8. You can start dating your best friend Mike without feeling guilty, even if he has the same genitalia as you!

9. You can finally believe in evolution. Now you can freely and confidently say that we derived from apes at one time or another.

10. No more believing that Ole Mighty God is the one responsible for all the massive natural disasters and that the world is going to end soon because we are all fighting with one another. We know that WE are the ones that can and will end our world not some supernatural force!

Did I miss anything?

gso

Dirty Laundry Interviews Gregg O'Connell

Source: Dirty Laundry

I found Gregg's site after reading that he was some sort of comment whore over at another site. I thought that the comment whore title was interesting and if someone was calling him that then he must be fun. I've been reading his blog ever since. We have absolutely nothing in common and I think of him as my over-sized, almost the same age as me, never met him in real life internet son...he's like a son to me...over the internet...and you will fall in love with him and want to adopt him too (that's how awesome he is). I sat down and asked Gregg some questions the other day...his answers will be in bold.

Hi Gregg...how are you today?
I'm pretty good. I woke up at 5:00am..and it's Saturday..hmmm

You have mentioned more than a million times that you don't drink (as in alcohol)...What kind of freak gets high on life and how do you do it?
I don't need alcohol because I can get away from my problems and have fun with listening to music, playing UNO on Xbox 360 & masturbating to the thoughts of naked blogger chicks!

Your dog Herbie is awesomely adorable...If it was socially acceptable, would you marry him?
Great question and hard hitting as well! I wouldn't marry Herbie because my love for him is more like the love that you may have for your own child. I love Herbie as if he were my son. He and I have this connection kind of like the connection Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey...real deep and meaningful conversations you know?!

If you were faced with eating dark meat chicken or losing Herbie to a pack of wolves which would you chose?
Fucking-A that's really easy-eating dark meat chicken. If I lost Herbie I'd go into a state of depression that only lots of anti depressants could help. I'd need something to numb my pain. Eating dark meat chicken to me is like kissing the ugly chick in class in front of everyone. I don't want to do it but if it comes down to Herbie, I'd do it!

Could you please reveal some of your beauty secretes?
I use Happy Colongne, Dove soap, Fantastic Sam's shampoo, Paul Mitchell Dry Wax for my hair, Crest Toothpaste, Listerine Mouthwash, Stride Gum & lots of baby oil

What's it like being a Filipino?
I wouldn't know because I'm Irish. I do find Filipino girls hotter than a Burger King grill though...

Name 5 people you wish you would love to have dinner with...
5 people OK here goes...My mom's dad who is my grandfather. He died in 1989 when I was only 9years old. I really wouls have liked to get to know him as I got olderbut I never got the chance. It'd be really cool to talk to him andget his ideas and thoughts on life and such. My mom: I've only seen her once in 2 years...Dad,Sister,Brother I haven't seen them in 2 years!!!And to add a sixth I'd want to have dinner with Traci Bingham becauseshe's the hottest black woman I've seen that looks like some other ethnicity.

You are in serious need of a tan...why are you scared of the sun?
It causes sun sores, skin cancer and it sunburns hurt...I'd rather get a tan from the glowing light of my computer monitor.

Are you sure you aren't gay?
I'm straight except for those 2 dudes I banged in '83.

What happens after the lights go out?
Well I place my hands underneath the covers and slowly strangle the neck of the unsuspecting victim sleeping next to me. Or I usually just masturbate and slowly go to sleep.

Seriously...what possessed you to do THIS?!?!
I wanted to get the attention of everyone on the internet. Gay guysseems to froth at the mouth over this kind of nakedness. It not onlygot me a few hits to my website but a whole slue of new gay fans!

You are extremely sexy...How do you keep the ladies off of you?
To keep the ladies off I usually tell them I have an STD that'sincurable and may cause itching.

Hungry?
Ahh the "hairy bagel". It goes well with lite Cream Cheese and somechives...yummy!

And last but not least...WHY?
It catches people off guard leaving them with the ever lasting memory of my sweetass conquering their computer screen!

Thanks Gregg...I can now live a more fulfilled life now that I know a little more about you.

You're welcome and I must give a shout-out to Herbie, Yoshi & all therest of my crew!

Joel Osteen is CREEPY!

Do you know this guy Joel Osteen? He's this CREEPY Senior Pastor for the fastest growing church in America the Lakewood Church. I know of him because he's on USA right now doing an infomercial. He has this shit face smile on. It's one of those plastic smiles that phony bologna Human Resource people have when they're interviewing you. You know when they act like they are interested in what you're saying but they don't give more than 2 or 3 shits about it.

People like Joel that scare people through religion are seriously fucked & greedy! The scare tactics they use with "you can't get to heaven without doing this, this & this" makes people think that this is true. The televangelists of the world pray on weak people who feel like they need someone to lead them to the "promise land". This in turn allows televangelists like Joel Osteen to make these weak people feel like they need to give away their hard earned cash to these cult like religions in order to spread the word of God.

I really wish they'd put warning signs on these televangelist infomericals like they do on cigarette cartons stating "By giving away your money and following this con artist it doesn't mean you will get into, close or near heaven once you are deceased." It really bugs me that people fall for this shit. People like this dude almost seem to always contradict their own words. They seem to always be getting arrested for sleeping with hookers, doing drugs or sucking some dudes cock in a parking lot in their truck.

Are you with me my brothers and sisters? Trust my words and I'll lead you to the promise land. PRAY WITH ME!!! "Gregg is our shepherd as he types through the valley of the shadow of death. He leads us into the divine land of life, love and the pursuit of happiness...Amen"

gso

Walmart vs. Target: Drunken Guy Thoughts (Drunk Hotline)

I've seen a few drunk guys and girls in my life. My least favorite drunks are aggressive guys and girl that start to cry uncontrollably. This drunk guy who voices his opinion on why Walmart is going to kill Target is coherent, intelligent & wee bit over confident I dare say.

So the next time you're drunk call 619-377-0593 and leave me a message!

You're Really Gay?!?!?!

Have you ever worked with someone for a while and then you come to find out that they're gay? This has happened to me on a few occasions and each time is more shocking than the next. It's hard getting used to thinking someone is gay when you first thought they were straight. A lot of the time the person that is gay will pretend to be straight in front of others.

I used to work with this dude in Massachusetts and he was actually my boss. Anyways, I totally completely thought this dude was banging chicks or at least dreaming of banging chicks. The longer I worked at this company the more "in" I got with him and some of his gay friends. Well one day on the train ride home we were all talking about God knows what, probably about processing mutual funds or banging chicks when he's like "I'm gay!". I was shocked! As shocked as when that chick who was pretending to be a guy showed her boobs to that guy in that 1980's movie which I can't remember the name of!

You know when a dude is gay and he has that kind of lisp when he speaks. Well this dude never had the gay lisp until after he told me he liked playing tonsil hockey with dudes. Then all of the sudden this guy was lisping left and right with phrases like "Thasssss great Gregg" and "That dudesssss asssss isssssss ssssssoooo niccccccce". It's almost as if just because he told me he was gay that he now had this license to use his lisp when he previously did not have one.

gso

How Well Do You Know Me?

With the fall of the Roman Empire came the internet. Now not only do people that live thousands of miles away get to know me on a virtually personal level. They also get to meet other like minded individuals. From coast to coast, from the Carolinas to the Red Wood Forest, to the Gulf Stream Waters, To the New York Islands...This internet was made for you and me!

Now try and see how well you know me! The person with the highest score gets one of my guitar picks signed by me!

How Well Do you know greggoconnell.com Take my quiz! Take This Quiz | See Scores | Make Own Quiz

When Did A Large Pizza Get So Small?!?!

Have you noticed in the last 10-15 years that pizzas have gotten smaller? I remember when what is a large today was a medium 15 years ago and what is an extra large today is actually a large 15 years ago! The big pizza chains like Pizza Hut & Papa John's are the ones to blame for this tyrannic change in sizes! All they want to do is make money without caring much for quality.

The reason for this is because they increased the price of a pizzas! I remember when I could get 2 large cheese pizzas for $9.99. Today two large pizzas are like $16.99 or more, but remember today's larges are actually mediums from 20 years ago. Did these big corporate pizza giants sit in a board room one day and say "I have an excellent idea! Let's have XL pizzas and charge an XL price but they'll really only be large pizzas!" These motherfuckers have been stealing my money for too long and it's time for someone to stand up to these mofo's! I'm just the one to do it too! I hope I am anyway :(

Remember when toppings used to be 50 or 75 cents a topping? Today they're $1.50 to $2.00 a topping! It's not like the toppings got 2x better tasting just because they are now 2X more expensive! Now I don't need one of you ass wipes to comment and say "Dude it's inflation! " Fuck inflation and fuck the pizza shops that have doubled their prices! If you're going to charge 2x the price as you did 10 years ago than throw 2x more toppings as you did 10 years ago!

Stop the insanity!

gso

And My New Puppy's Name is....

Dah Dah Dah....Yoshi. I called him James, Lawrence, Benny, Barney, but I have settled on Yoshi. Yes, Yoshi the same name as the little dinosaur guy from the Nintendo games. Why Yoshi you ask? Probably because it's a bit on the different side for dog names.

It's seem like on an hourly basis that Yoshi isn't only shitting and pissing, but he's also showing more of his personality and getting more comfortable. Like this morning he was jumping at Herbie trying to get him to play. Herbie being the gentle sole he is got right into playing stance but never went back at Yoshi. Yoshi also is starting to play with the cats as well, like today he put both paws on the black cats side until she ran away. Yoshi is quickly becoming a crazy little man like Mr. Bill Kutters.

On a side note I have setup my side project blog, which is SDFoodGuys.com. It's a blog that reviews restaurants in the San Diego area and beyond. I have me and about 4 other people who will be writing reviews on different restaurants in the area. I got the idea for this site after writing a blog on my website for "5 Great Places To Eat in San Diego". I know everytime I search Google it seems that there are never any reviews or good reviews for most restaurants that I want to try. Plus this site will be in blog format so people that visit the site can comment. If you live in the San Diego area and want to write some reviews shoot me an email to SDFoodGuys@gmail.com.

holla holla holla,

gso

Help Name My NEW Mini-Schnauzer Puppy!

I broke down finally and got a NEW Mini-Schnauzer Puppy. The puppy is a boy. I know I said I wanted to get a girl, but this guy was just too cute. He comes when you call him, he plays for like 10 minutes then needs a 20 minute nap, he adores food & loves his picture taken.

I found out about him from the Fox6.com website. I called the ad and asked if it was OK to visit the puppy, the guy said yes so Emily and I headed down. Their were two puppies left both boys. One puppy was very shy, unresponsive & not lively. Then there was the puppy I chose who was running all over the house, but when called would come to you. I was hooked, but Emily convinced me to sleep on it and decide tomorrow. Tomorrow is today and I made my final decision to pick up my new little man. We went down to pick him up right as the New England Patriots beat the San Diego Chargers (woohoo).

Since being at my house it took him all of 30 minutes to fully get comfortable and start running around the house. Herbie has been awesome, so good in fact that he hasn't growled or done anything aggressive to the puppy at all. The puppy almost went poops on the bed, but Emily saw him as he got into the pooping position and we rushed him outside where he defocated with perfection.

Finally what this blog is all about, what do I name my new little man? I've called him "Benny" & "Barney", but nothing is set in stone. In fact my mom emailed two emails with 10 names in each email. Give me your suggestions and let me know what you like!!!

1. BROCKTON [BROCK]

2. DIEGO

3. FRISCO

4. AMOS

5. WILLIE

6. CHARLIE

7. EBONEY

8. HOMER

9. OWEN

10. QUINN

and

1. HENRY

2. HARRY

3. TRUMP

4. GEORGIE

5. STEVIE

6. SCOOTCHIE

7. JAMES

8. WALLY

9. ZACK

10. SONNY

thx
gso

My Favorite Photos on Flickr

Don't mind the woman breast feeding. I just thought it was weird because the kid is like 5 years old! So go on and treat yourself to my most favorite photos on Flickr!