Today marks day 1 of a 30 day posting experiment. Everyday in September including weekends will be filled up with blog posts. I'm not a business so I don't get paid for blogging so for me to post for 30 days straight is going to be extremely difficult but rewarding for you readers. Like a bat without wings I may become the next hunter without a gun surrounded by wild boar.
On to today's post and it's all about a boy named Tom Jordan also known as Jordan Lavine but his real true name as I know it is Tom Jordan. Tom is an intern who lives in San Diego during the summer and attends the University of Washington the rest of the year. I know Tom because he is currently interning where I work. He is 19 year old and has been dating his current girlfriend who attends a different college for something crazy like 3 or 4 years.
When Tom told me had been dating his girlfriend for 3 years I was shocked. When he told me they attend different schools in different states I was double shocked! Now lets do the math: Tom a 19 year old skinny tall rich half Jew is dating a girl that is 1,000 miles away. Tom are you fucking crazy?!?!?! You're young, tall and almost beautiful with voice that cracks like a teenager that barely has one pubic hair. You have all this freedom and choice and you're tieing yourself down at 19?!?!??! How can you do this to yourself?!?!?
You should be at college touching every drunk girls breasts, kissing every chick that has lips that look like strawberries and whispering dirty sweet nothings into ears of girls that might want to sleep with you. Spread your seed son! Spread the word that Tom Jordan is available to make any and every girls wildest wet dreams come true. You will do any kinky sick perverted sexual position known to kama sutra. You'll suck toes, lick backs, massage ankles & give hickeys. Don't come off desperate though come off like you do it all the time. The girls will act like you're a pig but when you have them alone they'll want to taste some of your Jewish Sugary goodness.
Break up with your girlfriend right before you leave for school this year. Date like 10 or 20 girls this year at school. If any of them make your Willy Wonka stand at attention for hours on end then you know she is the one for you. Sleep with as many girls as you can before you get married so you know exactly what you like and so you get really good at being selfish and pleasing only yourself. Girls love a selfish lover I know firsthand trust me!
Tom if you need more advice I'm here for you. Why else do you think God put us together this summer? It surely wasn't for you to try to keep hooking up with me!
1 down 30 to go!
gso
3 comments:
Gregg...you are very wise. We can only help that he takes your advice.
Tom Jordan will take your advice like you take my advice.
true that. the kids fucked
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