"Speed Enforced By Aircraft"

Have you seen these ridiculous signs? They have them out here in California like they have meat heads at nightclubs! They are everywhere from busy highways to streets that barely have one car an hour.

It doesn't seem very financially smart for the traffic authorities to be enforcing speeders on the road by aircraft while they spend thousands of dollars of fuel, flying over ahead of peoples cars. What are they like "Oh my that car is going 52 in a 35 mph zone....sweet, that's another $125 ticket! Now let's turn back around and spend another $400 in gas so we can catch another speeder". Come on these signs are an F'n joke!

Every time I see these preposterous signs, I have never ever seen an airplane flying overhead. So I'm starting to think that these signs are only merely there to scare those white dudes that drive Ford Mustangs & the Asian/Latin brothers that drive supped up Honda's & Acura's something to be worried about.

Have you ever seen a plane flying overhead doing traffic patrol? Do you know anyone that has gotten a ticket from an airplane?

gso

Happy 2007! The year of the naked gamer.

Hey Guys & Girls,

I thought I needed to start 2007 off with a "BIG BANG" and I think I just may have. I hope all of you mofo's have a safe and happy 2007! Now onto the real reason you are here, enjoy the nude photos of me!
gso

Happy Nude 2007	The King is back!!!
Holding my Wiimote for the world to see!	Welcoming in 2007 with the King!
Xbox 360 Orgasm	DS lite Orgasm
this is what video games do to me!	portable gaming has cum a long way!
Happy New Year RSM!	Burgers & Hot Dogs!
I hope you have a great 2007	for dinner!

Fucking New Years!

Is anyone with me on what the big fucking deal is with New Years? It actually kind of annoys me. I don't drink, so that kind of kills the drunken stupidity acts and champagne at midnight. I won't be looking to cool sucking down a 32 oz bottle of Mango Passion Gatorade as the build up to the midnight hour arrives. I'd probably be better off holding an adult beverage and then pouring a little out every so often when no one is looking to give the illusion that I have been drinking the whole night!

Hanging out with massive amounts of drunk college frat meat heads & adult drunken corporate fucks is not my idea of a good time. I hate being squished like a Subway sandwich when you start asking for too many vegetables in your sandwich. I'd rather be on my couch/laptop sucking down a freezing cold bottle of spring water, watching MTV and thinking to myself "God, I can't stand that band! They try so hard to be sooooooooooooo cool".

Forget about the retarded New Years hats, kazoos & horrendous slutty outfits that the girls wear. OK so the slutty outfits the girls wear are cool but the hats and kazoos are lamer than an RSM fan. New Years is just another day, so if New Years is so special why don't you blow your kazoo every day you get to work "HAPPY TUESDAY EVERYONE!!! WOOHOOOOOOOOOO" You wouldn't because you'd like George Bush trying to tell us that the war with Iraq is a good thing.

Happy New Year and a fruitful 2007 to you as well!

gso

C-List Bloglebrity

One of my New Years resolutions for 2007 is to be a B-List bloglebrity. A bloglebrity is all about the amount of Vanity Fair, GQ, and People Magazine covers you can score. To be an A-List Bloglebrity on the Internet, it’s all about the amount of link love you can score. Right now I'm a C-List bloglebrity and to be fair and honest to myself the best I feel I could be in the span of one year would be a B-list bloglebrity.

I've been a blogger for a little over 2 years and my site has been growing quite steadily due to the fact that I look like Charlie Sheen, I'm funny like Roseanne Barr & I have the writing ability of a 3rd grader. When you add all three of those qualities up you've got a recipe for greatness!

Why do I want to be a more popular blogger you ask? Well that answer is simple! I want to loved and adored by people all across the world. I want to be the website you go to when you're about to commit suicide.. Then after reading something on my site you decide not to because you want to see what I'll write about next and you know you won't be able to if you kill yourself.

Yes we have global warming and Saddam Hussein about to be hung but what's more heartwarming then a 26 year old guy trying to make a living off of blogging about his life? Would you honestly rather read about the world blowing up or about how I twisted my testicle as a teenager? You'd rather read about me twisting my testicle!

Who really wants to work a real job? I don't want to be super rich or CEO of some lame ass company. I want the freedom to write about whatever I want and make a living off of it. If I don't move my personal bloglebrity meter up to B-List then I'm dooming myself a failure!

How do I make it B-list bloglebrity you ask? Well what I've been doing lately is finding other fellow bloggers websites and commenting on theirs, then asking them if they'd like to trade links. Almost everyone says yes. Take for instance today I told Dan that I posted a link to his website on mine and if he'd do the same. He responded with

"Thanks for linking to me Gregg but, unfortunately, I won't be able to
link to you because your musical tastes suck.

Just kidding (about the "not being able to link part"). I just did."

He came off as a complete and utter asshole at first but as you can see he redeemed himself with a "just kidding" to make things right. So you can see sometimes it takes thick skin or fore skin which you choose to be able to fend off harsh words from jealous bloggers.

I'll keep chugging along by whoring myself out like a crackhead trying to get her next fix. I'll do what it takes by linking sites on my website that bore me to pieces all in an effort to get to that next stop of bloglebrity status! Who the fuck's with me!?!?!

gso

My Top 10 Albums of 2006

My list is in no particular order except for maybe backwards alphabetically, so here is my top albums for the year of 2006! Every year I do my top albums my former drummer and still friend Dave analyzes my list and sends me an email or comment "GREGG THAT ALBUM BLAH BLAH WAS RELEASED LAST YEAR!!! YOU CAN'T PUT THAT IN YOUR TOP ALBUMS OF THE YEAR!!!" Ha ha so Dave please look over my list and please inform me of what isn't correct and which album I have on here that sucks or that you like! Hell that goes for everyone of you peeps!

DAH DAH DAH DAH DAHHHHHHHHHHHH



MY TOP 10 ALBUMS OF 2006!

The Streets - The Hardest Way to Make a Living
Mat Kearney - Nothing Left to Lose
The Long Winters - Putting The Days To Bed
The Lemonheads - The Lemonheads
Josh Rouse - Subtitulo
Hotel Lights - Hotel Lights
Hot Chip - The Warning
Greg Laswell - Through Toledo
Ben Kweller - Ben Kweller
Angels & Airwaves - We Don't Need To Whisper

Honorable Mentions
The Whitest Boy Alive - Dreams
BT - This Binary Universe
Phoenix - It's Never Been Like That

What are your top albums of 2006?

gso

Los Altos = The Tall = Christmas in The Bay Area

I'm back from my 4 Christmas vacation to the Bay Area & I'm exhausted. I'm also probably like 7 lbs heavier too because of all the food I stuffed into my mouth. It took 7 hours to drive one way. The drive was really boring on the way up because we took the 5 the whole way and our scenery for it was fog, bald hills & mass amounts of cows.

We arrived in Sunnyvale at 12pm on Saturday December 23. Sunnyvale is pretty cool, it's very suburbia but with a lot of places to go shopping and places to eat. At 3pm after hanging out at Emily's parents house, we checked into our luxurious hotel room at the Sheraton. Our hotel room was so pimped out it had a huge bed, shower, free shampoo and conditioner, unlimited white towels & a 27 inch TV! We took a nap and then headed over to Palo Alto where Emily's dad's side of the family was celebrating Christmas. I walked into this party and was greeted one by one to like 417 Filipino people. I've never shook so many Filipino people's hands. Everyone was super nice and cool. Emily's grandfather is 97 years old and his wife is 90 and they still drive their own car and live alone. Isn't that fucking amazing? When I turn 97 my remains will probably be in some "blogger museum" for people who made blogging popular. We did this "White Elephant" Christmas thing and I walked away with a $25 gift card to Starbucks. I love coffee and beans! NOT!

On Christmas Eve, Emily & I drove into San Francisco to checkout the city. Wowawee the city is super duper hyper supersonic hilly! We went up this one hill and we were like perpendicular to the ground. If I were on a skateboard or one of those razor scooters I probably would've died going down the hill. I was honestly scared. While in the city we checked out Fishermen's Wharf, Lombard Street (the crookedest street in the world) & drove around to where the gays (My people!) live in the Castro. San Francisco is way better than San Diego is in terms of things to do downtown and the architecture is way cooler too. San Diego is like a make pretend city. In the evening we headed over to Em's parents house to watch her sister open presents since her sister couldn't make it on Christmas day since she lives kind of far away.

Ding Dong, Ding Dong Christmas bells are ringing! On Christmas day after a long night of love making and cuddling we went to Emily's parents to open Christmas gifts...YEAAAAAHHHH!
I won't bore you with what they got since you don't know them so I'll tell you what they got me. They gave me some tins of that most delicious tasting popcorn. You know the caramel and cheddar popcorn?!?!? They also gave me a little carrying case filled with high grade cleaning products to clean my car. In the evening we went to the city, San Francisco to be exact to celebrate Christmas with Emily's mom's side. We walked into the house and Emily sent me into the living room alone and like a loud ruckus like the one from the movie Breakfast Club, I was greeted by like 10 family members. These people were loud but super friendly. Me being the egomaniac I am I loved every single second I had in the spotlight being introduced to everyone until Emily came in and took it all away from me, leaving me with a broken ego. This family is crazzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzy but again very cool and welcoming. They like their wine and they love to eat. We also had a "White Elephant" gift thing at this party as well. This one was by far more fun and the gifts were a little better. Ha ha the gift I bought for this thing was a fucking total joke gift. It was a Hello Kitty toaster that when toasting the bread would imprint Hello Kitty's face onto the bread. Emily's mom ended up getting this gift ha ha she was sooooo pissed (joking). I ended up with some Radio Shack headphones and other Radio Shack stuff. Emily has an uncle named Geoffrey Moore who is the author of these business books that most college business classes are required to use and I was sitting and talking to him at the party. It was pretty crazy. He was totally down to earth and chill. I've finally met my first celebrity in California!

We woke up today at 6:30 am and we were on the road by 7:30 am. We decided to take the 101 and boy did we ever score on scenery points! Beautiful lush rolling hills, beaches & naked women as far as a Lasik eye can see. I'll tell you something, America's cities and towns are filled with almost all the same stores and restaurants from coast to coast. Driving from San Francisco to San Diego I must've saw a Best Buy, Circuit City, McDonald's, Petco, PetSmart, Target (I still love you sweetie), Borders/Barnes & Noble at every shopping mall. It's kind of disgusting and boring. What ever happened to every town having its own personality? Now every town in America looks the same and has all the same things to do with a few exceptions.

Thank you to Emily's family for being so awesome and inviting. They totally rock the house & Philippines!

I really love it up in the Bay Area and I'm definitely considering moving up there in the near future. It's prettier than San Diego, the weather is cooler, the tree's are nicer & the people are not all Paris Hilton'd out!

As a little Christmas gift here is a video of me snoring in my sleep on Christmas day



gso

Have Yourself a Merry Greggmas!

Hey Peeps,

I wish to the stars that all of you have a wonderful enchanting fun filled Christmas! I might not be blogging until after Christmas so if I don't, then just read my archives in order to get your "gregg fix". I hope you get all the sex toys, massage oils & drug paraphernalia you're little achie breaky heart desires!

Merry Christmas,

Gregory Shane O'Connell

Nude Anxiety Tale

The story I am about to tell you was told to me today by a co-worker. It's a tale of anxiety and who doesn't love a good story about anxiety? We'll call my co-worker Jesper in order to protect her name and identity.

Well about 2 years ago Jesper awoke one night having trouble breathing and pain in her chest. She didn't think it was an anxiety attack since she never had one previously. She thought she was in the middle of a heart attack. She began to sweat profusely, and best of all she was naked. I guess she sleeps naked who knows, either way she was a sweaty naked mess in the midst of a so called heart attack. She was living with her sister Telly, so she ran into her sister's bedroom with her brother in law in the same bed to wake them up. "TELLY, WAKE UP! I'M HAVING A HEART ATTACK! MY CHEST HURTS, I CAN'T BREATHE AND I'M SWEATING PROFUSELY!!!" Telly awakes in A foggy haze "Jesper what are you doing? And WHY ARE YOU COMPLETELY NAKED?!?!?" Jesper in a huffing and puffing voice "I'M HAVING A HEART ATTACK CALL 9-1-1 NOW!!!" Telly calls 9-1-1 and eventually has to dress Jesper since Jesper can't seem to calm down and do it herself.

The EMT's arrive and when Jesper see's them she starts running around the house as the EMT's try to grab her and calm her down. Jesper starts to scream as she is running around the house "I'M HAVING A HEART ATTACK HELP ME!" The EMT's must've been dying to laugh because if you were having a heart attack there's no way you'd be running around the house especially for that long. The EMT's are like "Mam calm down...you're not having a heart attack.." They eventually get Jesper calmed down and get her into the ambulance.

She ends up finding out that it was just an anxiety attack. It's funny how when you're scared you don't really think logically. First off she dropped all of her inhibitions of being naked in front of her sister and brother and law. Second if she had thought calmly she would've realized she wasn't really having a heart attack because she'd most likely would've been passed out within a few minutes otherwise.

This Merry Christmas shout out goes to all the people (including myself) who have issues with anxiety!

Have you ever done something crazy or seen anything crazy during an axiety attack?

gso

Christmas With The Filipinos

I will be celebrating this Christmas with Emily's family in the bay area. This will be my first Christmas spent with Filipinos & my first time ever in the Bay Area. The two previous Christmases spent in California were spent alone in my room with a bottle of Cherry Coke & a shotgun in my mouth. If you don't know me very well you're probably asking "Gregg, why don't you just fly home for the holidays and spend it with your family in New England?" Well, I'm scared to fly that's why and driving back east would take 5 days one way.

Emily & I leave for our 7+ hour 470 mile car trip on Saturday, before I know it I will be an honorary Filipino for Christmas. I haven't driven that far for 2 years and I haven't ever been that far north in California. Herbie my dog will be attending "Filipino Christmas" with Emily & I. It didn't feel right to leave him at a doggy daycare place. I'd probably be whimpering at night without him by my side. It's kind of like having a pizza party for a kid but using Mama Celeste pizzas, it just doesn't feel right.

It's funny because Emily had to tell her mom that I'm a picky eater. She's like "He doesn't like dark chicken meat, anything with bones or anything that is exotic. He likes simple food like steak, white meat chicken, hamburgers, etc..." Then her mom was like "Well what kind of wine
does he like?" Emily's like "Um he doesn't drink..." Emily's mom asks "HE DOESN'T DRINK AT ALL?!?!?" Emily's response "Not at all..." I hope I don't come off as too much of a prima donna!
I'll be on my best behavior to make up for my wimpy appetite.

We''ll only be up in the bay area from December 23 til December 26 so we won't have a lot of time to go sight seeing which kind of sucks. I'd really like to check out the scenery and see if it's a place I'd like to live in the future!

Where are you going for the holidays? Fuck it! Fuck this politically correct shit! Where are you going for Christmas? It's funny because everyone is so politically correct these days and no matter who you call they always only say "happy holidays". Well today I had to call a fund company and as I finished my conversation the woman was like "Merry Christmas". It kind of took me off guard. If her supervisor gets a hold of her "Merry Christmas" greeting she'll probably be spoken too which is fucking lame. It's not like Christmas is really much of a religious holiday anymore anyway. It's more of a time of giving and receiving gifts.

MERRY CHRISTMAS!



gso

Today Was A GREAT Day!

Today was definitely my day! Good thing after good thing happened to me today. I definitely didn't have ole Gazoo sitting on my shoulder causing havoc that's for sure!

I got into work today at my normal time of 5:30 am. After a few hours passed I decided to go to the bathroom to drain my lizzy. When I got back to my desk what do I see? I see a beautiful wrapped present sitting on top of my keyboard just waiting for the wrapping paper to be ripped to shreds. I see it's from my main man Bill Kutters. I open the package slowly and by this time I have 3 co-workers sitting around me practically drooling because the excitement of opening a Christmas present early is so mind numbing. I open the package completely up and what do I find? A custom made calendar of photos of "My Best Friend" Herbie. Bill downloaded a bunch of pictures of Herbie and made it into a 2007 calendar. I was so stoked when I saw this that I almost came in my pants.

10:00 am arrives and it's now time for my 6 month review. I always get kind of nervous when I have to sit down one on one even if I know the person really well. My breathing gets heavy and my heart races like a 100 meter sprinter on steroids. I go into the review knowing that my review should be pretty good. They start off the interview by telling me my bonus (good) ...raise (cool) ..."Gregg and we're also giving you a PROMOTION TO SENIOR" When they said this to me I felt like Miss America when she wins and that creepy guy starts singing "There she is, Miss America". When they told me I got a promotion I should have totally started into a speech "First off I wanna thank my lord and savior Jesus Christ..and my momma for raising me even though daddy wasn't around". You know one of those fluff speeches! Ok let's get back on track. This is also my first ever promotion at a job so it felt good to actually have worked hard for something and have something cool come out of it.

At around 11:45 am I check my websites traffic logs and see a bunch of traffic coming from italk2much.com. They are basically this website that picks 3 blogs each day and reviews them. Well today they picked my website and gave it generally good reviews (read the review).
The only things they trashed on my site are my punctuation which I totally agree sucks. I never know when and where to put a comma. Is there like a 4th grade class I can take online for punctuation and grammar? They also trashed the look of my website. They didn't like the color scheme and they even have this fucking cheesy acronym BTOD = Black Template of Death. I have the black background which I guess a lot of newbie bloggers do. Shit if knew how to make a cool template for my blog I would but, I'm just using shit other people made. Someone please fucking help me!!! howtokillpeople.com can you be my template savior??? I'll give you a ookie cookie if you help me! Otherwise they liked my writing and thought I was funny and crazy for taking photos of myself in a skirt. Don't they know I just do that shit to get attention because I'm a fucking egomaniac and my dad wasn't around?!?!

Around 12:30 I go to the lizzy again to let all the days water I drank out. When I get back to my desk I find a card with my name on it "Gregg". I open it up and find a gift card to Starbucks from a co-worker of mine whom I helped with her testing modules. I'm like "God damn this is a really good day. What have I done to deserve this? I must be on Buddah's good side!" Plus what's up with me going to the bathroom and then coming back to find a present on my desk. I'm going to try going to the bathroom more times than I usually do tomorrow in hopes more presents will be sitting on it.

Happy Holidays!

gso

Giving & Receiving Packages

Christmas time is definitely my favorite time of year. It's so exciting to get home and have a package waiting for you at your door after a really tough day at work of surfing the internet and processing mundane transfers.

You know what sucks is when you get home and see a package at your door but before you read who it's really for you're like "YEAAAAHHHHHHHH A PACKAGE FOR MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!" Then you read who it's for and it says your roommates name or your neighbors. It's really a big let down just let when I found out that we all die one day. I get the same feeling!

I've gotten some pretty cool things so far in the mail. I got a new digital camera from my mom, some thrift store t-shirts from Punky, gift cards to Gap, money & hopefully someone will mail me one of those big tins of popcorn.

Even though I'm not one of the most giving people on the planet like say a mother or Bill Gates I do like sending presents to people in the mail and hearing "Oh my God Gregg you're the best gift giver. I really loved that Coach handbag you gave me" You know something along those lines. It's weird and I feel kind of dorky for saying this but sending normal mail and packages gets me excited. Not sexually excited but more like the thought of a gift going from one location to someones house. I don't know how to really explain it but I get well "excited"!

If I had more money I would send everyone that comments on my blog a present even that dude Travis that tried fighting with me earlier today. I'd get Julianne a bunch of green, black and white tea. Dirty would get a diamond tennis bracelet. Punky would get a plane ticket to San Diego. Travis aka howtokillpeople.com would get those hideous Converse all-stars he created.
Erica would receive 2 massages to a spa. Emily would get 5 days/4 nights to the beautiful and exotic country the Philippines, along with 10,000 Pesos. RSM would get a shirt with me on it making this face. Q of D I'd get her some tissues to use in case she cries b/c I mistankenly forget to add her to a list of mine or I'd get her an invitation to a Celebrity funeral. And anyone that posts "anonymous" would receive 2 tickets to the Ellen Degeneres show.

Happy Holidays and if you want to send me something let me know and I'll provide my elusive address!!!

gso

P.S. The winner of the best Converse One design is Punky with 2 votes! Congratulations Punky you're officially the best Converse One designer in the world!!!

Converse One Designs

Converse has a section on their website where you can customize your own shoe over at www.converseone.com and purchase it after you're complete. A Percentage of the sales from the shoe you design will be donated to the Global Fund to fight AIDS, Tuberculosis & Malaria.

It's pretty fun to customize the colors and words on the shoes. You can pick from Chuck Taylor All-Stars, Jack Purcells, Premiere One Stars and that also includes the high tops and low tops.
I love Converse sneakers so this is like "Converse Heaven" for me.

I had this idea of emailing my friends from the internet and having them customize their own Converse sneakers. Then have them email me back their designs and I'd put them on my website. Then have whoever visits my website vote on who designed the sneaker you'd most likely wear & the ugliest sneaker.

What does the winner get? The satisfaction of designing the coolest Converse sneaker in the world!

Check out the designs and don't forget to comment on what you think!!!

Designer: Kevin Weil

Designer: howtokillpeople.com


Designer: greggoconnell.com


Designer: EricaPutis.com


Designer: Emily Ignacio


Designer: Mr. Dixon


Designer: PunkyStyle.com

and PunkyStyle designed these as well

I Sold My Soul to RSM

Go on and vote for RockStarMommy.com for "Best Parenting Blog" by clicking HERE
Her website isn't half bad once you get passed the incestious ass kissing from her fans.

What do I get in return from her? A spot on her blogroll!

holla if ya here me!

gso

Master & Dog Fetish Tale

My friend from work let's give her an asian name how about ummmmm "Kim". Well Kim was getting her digital phone installed by the cable guy the other day. As he was installing it he says to her you know what I've been to this building before a few weeks back. It's kind of funny he says because when I normally come to someones place I generally call 10 minutes before I arrive so that I don't surprise them and they are ready for me.

He goes on to tell her that he went to this one house and before he entered he could hear a dog barking. The only thing was is that it didn't sound like a real dog. So he knocks on the door and the door opens. He walks into the apartment and what does he see?!?!??!?? He see's a guy dressed in a dog suit on all fours and a woman holding a leash. The woman is like "good doggy, good boy" They both continue to stay in their respective rolls of dog and master as the cable guy continues to work. The woman instructs the "dog man" to go eat some dog food. So the "dog" crawls on all fours over to his bowl and eats real dog food out of it. The "dog" moves two steps over and drinks water from a doggy bowl. Perverted freaks!

Now this is some crazy ass role playing. I can't imagine getting off to acting like a dog. Most men are dogs because they'll fuck anything that walks but literally acting as a dog that's another story. Also even if I did get off to acting like a dog then I would definitely stop the role playing once someone was coming into my house. I'd feel so embarrassed and awkward. I'm thinking that they both also got off to someone watching them perform this "dog & owner" fetish routine.

The only role playing that I've ever done was when I pretended to be a really good looking, funny & sometimes awesome 26 year old GUY that was born in Massachusetts but now lives in Sa Diego. The girls seem to really like that character...

Do you role play? Have you heard any crazy ass stories like the one above?

gso

Timeline of My Life

I was born at age 0.
I found out I was going to die at age 5.
I went to the dog track at age 6 and bet on dog #6 and won $10.
I went on my first plane ride when I was 7.
I went on my last plane ride at age 9.
At age 12 I graduated from John F. Kennedy Elementary School.
I got a paper route at age 12.
At age 12 I hit puberty.
I twisted my testicle at age 13.
I began playing guitar at age 13.
I graduated from Junior High School at age 14
I smoked pot for the first time age 14.
I had my first major anxiety attack at 14.
I started my first band "Empathy" at age 14.
I got my first real job as a telemarketer selling tickets to the zoo for the police and quit my paper route at 15.
I quit the telemarketing job at 16 and got a job at a nursing home working in the kitchen
I graduated high school at 18.
I got my drivers license at 18.
I lost my virginity at 18.
I got my first car at age 19 - a 1998 Honda Civic EX
I turned 21 & I didn't go drinking. I stayed at home and relaxed :)
I moved out of my moms house and on my own
I got Herbie at age 21.
I had sex with too many girls at age 21.
I played my first solo show ever at age 21.
I started my second band "The Predicates" at age 22.
I moved in with Erica at age 22.
I moved to California at age 24
I started my blog at 24.
The Predicates breakup when I was 25.
Erica moved out and Emily moved in.
I'm happily living in California at age 26.
I'm writing this at age 26.

What are you doing?

gso